PSG Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 I haven't posted here in awhile but here is the background. We lived together 10 years...had some problems (on both our parts)...I moved out. For about three years we got along great and spend all our time together .I found out in October he cheated (w/ someone in another country)- he told me over the phone. We went NC for about 3 weeks and then went out for a friendly dinner. Since that dinner we have spoken to one another everyday , seen each other at least 5 times a week, but have not been intimate. We are both horrible about bringing up tough or confrontational topics but we need to resolve things. We will not see each other for the next 2 1/2 months (work on both our ends). I love him with all my heart but can't be wondering what is happening and what he is doing. He is coming for dinner tonight and I want to tell him that our relationship is totally dysfunctional and establish more clearly that we are just friends. Even though we are "just friends" w/out being intimate right now there is the expectation (on both our parts) that we have plans with each other. In fact, most people don't know the details and think we are still together. SOOO my question is what do I say tonight ...I don't want to cry ...get angry..etc and I do what to try to be friends. HELP. Thanks!
Author PSG Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Soooo I had the talk with him. Told him he needs to get his SH*t together. Says he doesn't know how he feels about the OW - hasn't seen her since last fall. I know she'll be here for a few months this coming fall but he told me she isn't staying with him. She will be here for work not necessarily because of him. Either way - I don't trust him and know that I deserve better. I told him I thought he had been happy for the past few years and that all was well and he said he was "happy but not ecstatic". What is that? In any case, the larger part of me knows this is for the best and that this whole break up isn't necessarily due to the other woman. However, my ego is also hurt because he chose someone else. We spend much of the day together again today as friends......Sigh.
UofLCards Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Believe me, once a cheater always a cheater in my eyes. If they cheat once they will cheat again. Especially since you have given them a second chance they will think they can do it again and you will just forgive them again. I have learned from experience.
Author PSG Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 I know...you are right! Once a cheater --always a cheater. I just don't understand why he calls me 5 times a day and wants to spend time with me. I am going to have to slowly break away. We will both be out of town for the summer and then the OW will be here this fall. I have no idea what will happen then. I am just so devastated...15 years with a cheater....feel like I will never never ever be in a happy relationship..
Author PSG Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Still sad but am realizing that it may be more of a case of "I don't want him but I don't want anyone else to have him". After he cheated again I am just not that attracted to him b/c of the lies; however, the thought of him falling in love and being with someone else makes me very very sad.
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