lostanddazed Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 My ex and I split in November, and haven't spoken since April 16. I have been on many dates/one nighters, and even have another girlfriend now. Still, I cant seem to get my ex out of my head, and have not had the slightest interest in a serious relationship with another woman since. The girl I am currently with is real nice, pretty, and treats me very well. I just have no feelings towards her. Memories of my ex are always on my mind. I tend to make lots of comparisons with the new girlfriend, and the main thing I feel that holds me back, and I know this sounds bad, but I really have never found anyone as good in bed as my ex was. Keep in mind I have had complete NC with her in almost a month, I think very low of her because of how things ended, and she was unfaithful. Then I think of the sex we use to have and it really makes me miss her lol. I know it sounds horrible, but it's the damn truth. Any advice on this?
getsback Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 My ex and I split in November, and haven't spoken since April 16. I have been on many dates/one nighters, and even have another girlfriend now. Still, I cant seem to get my ex out of my head, and have not had the slightest interest in a serious relationship with another woman since. The girl I am currently with is real nice, pretty, and treats me very well. I just have no feelings towards her. Memories of my ex are always on my mind. I tend to make lots of comparisons with the new girlfriend, and the main thing I feel that holds me back, and I know this sounds bad, but I really have never found anyone as good in bed as my ex was. Keep in mind I have had complete NC with her in almost a month, I think very low of her because of how things ended, and she was unfaithful. Then I think of the sex we use to have and it really makes me miss her lol. I know it sounds horrible, but it's the damn truth. Any advice on this? Nothing wrong with being honest my friend! It just sounds like you havnt gotten over her yet that's all. I mean, everyone goes at their own pace and although you split in November, you have only been no contact for a month so she is still very fresh in your mind. The only thing I would say is that maybe its all a bit unfair on your current partner. I mean she may very well be developing strong feelings for you and if you feel nothing back then its going to end badly. I would maybe consider being single for a while and enjoying life! You will wake up one day and find that you no longer feel so strongly for your ex and find someone that you like more. Good luck
TaraMaiden Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 The most honourable thing you could do is to break up with your GF. If all she is, is an unfavourable comparison to your ex, you are being grossly unfair to her. you're preventing some other lucky guy from finding her - and she might be his ideal, even if she's not yours. You're still in rebound mode, and while you think you may be over your ex, you still have a hang-up and it threatens to destroy any potentially wonderful future you have with another woman. The right person ticks every box, but you're focusing on having the sex box ticked above all others. Well get this, dude: your ideal sexual mate was obviously not ideal in every other sense. Finding someone to tick every single box may not be possible, but while you are determined to think of every woman you meet as having to come up to certain sexual standards - you're in for a lonely time. you need to get past the "she's perfect but the sex is only so-so." Sex wanes. A look through all the threads on LS will tell you that sex fluctuates, fades, disappears and sometimes, becomes an incompatibility issue. The answer is to accept that there are always going to be variations. But that sex - while important - shouldn't be your primary and overriding concern.
rayne05us Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Comparing the girl you're with now to your ex, this girl doesn't stand a chance. You have history and emotions with your ex that you don't have with this girl, so of course she seems inferior. Which is why you can't do the comparison. This girl will never be your ex and your ex will never be her. Focus on the qualities this girl does have, which are some otherwise you wouldnt be with her. Does she have the qualities you're looking for in a relationship? For the most part, the sex can be improved with open communication (trust me), but a big reason is because your closed off emotionally with her (in my opinion emotions always make sex better). And who knows, she could possibly feel the same way!! So it will be a good time to improve and also get what you are looking for in the bedroom!
Leda Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 This is totally natural. It's very rare to find someone we have great chemistry with and feel connected to on every level--intellectual, sexual, emotional, lifestyle, spiritual values, general vibe. That's why some people have polyamorous or open relationships--for people (like me) who want to just be with one person romantically, it's hard. You will meet lots of people who are just fantastic in every way, but aren't right for YOU...there just isn't that spark. Sometimes it's sexual, sometimes it plays out on some other level. You aren't over your ex yet. She's not a person you want to reconcile with, because of the cheating and you can't trust her, but sexually she's a great match. Two things need to happen--you need to heal from the breakup and truly move on, which will honestly just take more time. NC will help. And then when you are more healed, it might take some time to meet a real match. I think that, unless you plan to have 82 romantic partners instead of just one...you will need to be on the lookout for a girl where the sex is initially as great as with your ex, AND ALSO you have enough other areas where things work to make the relationship healthy and lasting. You're trying to rush forward. It usually doesn't work.
Adi Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Hey i feel the same way, i broke up with my ex because she slept with someone else we were sort of on a break but it killed me, in my eyes she was the one, now after 10 months its dead clear she has her life back She is happy with friends and moved on while im stuck not only missing her but feel like she was too blame, everyhing was perfect for years now im alone and i just dont feel right with anyone, plus because of all the things that went on with my ex we lost that spark
Recommended Posts