orion1010 Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 The last guy, jake i was seeing ended up being a real unpredictable jerk! You can see in my last thread i posted all our text msgs of me breaking it off, but he apologized the next day and wanted to see me again. I agreed. That night he came over, we talked and set things straight. I told him that I cancelled a date with another guy that night which I did. I agreeded to the date with the other guy b/c I thought jake and I were going to just friends. Jake made the comment "well that was fast" and then we moved on to the next subject. We slept together that night and agreed to continue seeing each other. I told him I wanted to start out slow, just once or twice a week and see where things would develop. He agreed so I thought we were "dating" then at that point. We had sex and he text me constantly the next few days. Then suddenly on the fourth day, he pulled away. just one msg in the morning and one at night to let me know his phone was dying. Well,the day he pulled away, he made a date with my friend kelly's bridesmaid. He know I would find out b/c I met him through kelly and kelly is getting married to jake's brother. Well, he told kelly that I made a date so so can he. He made the date out of spite and was pissed. My friend kelly told her bridesmaid what jake was doing and she cancelled the date with himi right away and Kelly told him to leave both of us alone from now on. We have been no contact ever since this happend which was tuesday. Well, then last night while my friend kelly was out, another girl approched her and asked why I was acting pshyco and stalking jake?!?! I didn't even text him after I found out. I never called, emailed, I don't even know where he lives. Never been to his place yet. Why is he lying about me? I don't want other dudes to think I'm like that. What would make a guy act this way? Please I need some insight. Do i call him out on him saying these things about me? It's a small town and I know a lot of people bartending in college and I don't want negative and unture things out there about me. This is off putting!!
Rinnix Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 People who would believe his lies are not worth keeping around to begin with. Consider it a filter, this way you will avoid toxic relationships. You are the only one who can give yourself a bad rep. Many people will see through his lies if they know his character. True colors always shine through. He is making lies to get to you. Best thing to do is just move on. The best revenge is moving on with your life. Drama free.
thatone Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 he did it for revenge. he obviously thought of you as a long term relationship, and look at your text messages. you went from flirting and reassuring him about his busy schedule to breaking up with him, all in the span of a few texts over one day. it looks like the log you posted suggests him as being the one content with having conversations via text instead of face to face, though. that's why you don't have such conversations over text messages. i went through the same situation with the last woman i went out with, she also worked in a bar, and we'd go back and forth with texts because she couldn't talk on the phone at work. which is all fine and good, for chit chat, but when you need to say something important, you don't send texts you talk face to face. she sent me a message one night about spending a holiday with her ex out of the blue, after i asked her what she was doing on said holiday. if i were a violent person i would've been missing a phone in addition to a date for that holiday, from throwing it through a wall. there's nothing more infuriating than having people say such things over voice mails and texts. people need to grow up, and look someone in the eye when you're gonna tell them something like that. sounds like this guy is a prime candidate for that lesson.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 The last guy, jake i was seeing ended up being a real unpredictable jerk! You can see in my last thread i posted all our text msgs of me breaking it off, but he apologized the next day and wanted to see me again. I agreed. That night he came over, we talked and set things straight. I told him that I cancelled a date with another guy that night which I did. I agreeded to the date with the other guy b/c I thought jake and I were going to just friends. Jake made the comment "well that was fast" and then we moved on to the next subject. We slept together that night and agreed to continue seeing each other. I told him I wanted to start out slow, just once or twice a week and see where things would develop. He agreed so I thought we were "dating" then at that point. We had sex and he text me constantly the next few days. Then suddenly on the fourth day, he pulled away. just one msg in the morning and one at night to let me know his phone was dying. Well,the day he pulled away, he made a date with my friend kelly's bridesmaid. He know I would find out b/c I met him through kelly and kelly is getting married to jake's brother. Well, he told kelly that I made a date so so can he. He made the date out of spite and was pissed. My friend kelly told her bridesmaid what jake was doing and she cancelled the date with himi right away and Kelly told him to leave both of us alone from now on. We have been no contact ever since this happend which was tuesday. Well, then last night while my friend kelly was out, another girl approched her and asked why I was acting pshyco and stalking jake?!?! I didn't even text him after I found out. I never called, emailed, I don't even know where he lives. Never been to his place yet. Why is he lying about me? I don't want other dudes to think I'm like that. What would make a guy act this way? Please I need some insight. Do i call him out on him saying these things about me? It's a small town and I know a lot of people bartending in college and I don't want negative and unture things out there about me. This is off putting!! Sorry but it all sounds like Jerry Springer drama. From your previous posts, you're not that long out of a long-term relationship/engagement (end of March of this year). Now you meet this guy and quickly hop into the sack with him.......after not even a handful of dates you're discussing "kids"......you're calling him a jerk yet you're jumping back into bed with "a jerk"........and you're playing a game by seeing him YET telling him you HAD a DATE with someone that night that you cancelled. WTH? Why would you tell him this unless it's to get a rise out of him or try to make him jealous? Very immature and transparent, IMO. Now you're all p*ssed because he's asked someone else out. Good lord, you're not in an exclusive relationship and it doesn't seem you ever were. 3 or 4 dates does not an exclusive relationship make. And having serious (yet premature; the whole "kids thing") conversations via text is silly. And now you're all concerned because he's alleged told people you're stalking him. Haven't you had enough drama yet? I'm willing to bet that in the future we'll read another post by you that you gave him 'another chance' and it ended up with you 2 sleeping together again. Anyone else?
thatone Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 lol, why stop there? i'd give it better than even odds that they wind up ruining her friend's wedding. that actually would be springer worthy material. if the friend has a brain in her head she should tell both of them that they're uninvited. both of you are being awful people. he's being awful for trying to have a relationship over text messages. you're being awful for going along with that and then breaking up with him over a text message. he's being awful for getting together with your friend's bridesmaid for revenge. you were being awful by waving another date in his face and then sleeping with him on the same day. both of you need to grow up.
Author orion1010 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 Sorry but it all sounds like Jerry Springer drama. From your previous posts, you're not that long out of a long-term relationship/engagement (end of March of this year). Now you meet this guy and quickly hop into the sack with him.......after not even a handful of dates you're discussing "kids"......you're calling him a jerk yet you're jumping back into bed with "a jerk"........and you're playing a game by seeing him YET telling him you HAD a DATE with someone that night that you cancelled. WTH? Why would you tell him this unless it's to get a rise out of him or try to make him jealous? Very immature and transparent, IMO. Now you're all p*ssed because he's asked someone else out. Good lord, you're not in an exclusive relationship and it doesn't seem you ever were. 3 or 4 dates does not an exclusive relationship make. And having serious (yet premature; the whole "kids thing") conversations via text is silly. And now you're all concerned because he's alleged told people you're stalking him. Haven't you had enough drama yet? I'm willing to bet that in the future we'll read another post by you that you gave him 'another chance' and it ended up with you 2 sleeping together again. Anyone else? Just because my ltr ended a few months ago, does not mean I cannot casually date.. or have sex with someone after a few dates. I don't see how that's makes me unhealthy or a bad person?? Yes, I told him about the date b/c from day one, he told me he wanted the truth b/c his ex cheated on him. I was being respectful and honest. If i didn't tell him, he would find out through mutal friends anyways. We were not exclusive, so I had that right for a date. I wasn't pissed that he made a date as well, but I was more pissed by the way he handled the situation. Instead of him letting me know he was upset, he tried to go on a date with this other girl, whom is my friends bridesmaid to get back at me. My friend shelly is the one who got pissed and let her know what this guy was doing. He was just doing this out of spite and this poor girl was getting used. she has depression and this would make it worse for her if she didn't know the truth. I am angry he just didn't say something along the lines of "I don't think we are working out. we want different things" and that's it. just end it normally. not do things to hurt people. He is the one who brought up the kids thing. I broke it off first b/c it was too fast for that talk and let him know that. I we talked it out and I thought we were on the same page when it came to NO kids talk right now. I'm trying to handle things in a way I thought was honest and adult like and I'm the bad person looking for drama? weird....
Author orion1010 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 lol, why stop there? i'd give it better than even odds that they wind up ruining her friend's wedding. that actually would be springer worthy material. if the friend has a brain in her head she should tell both of them that they're uninvited. both of you are being awful people. he's being awful for trying to have a relationship over text messages. you're being awful for going along with that and then breaking up with him over a text message. he's being awful for getting together with your friend's bridesmaid for revenge. you were being awful by waving another date in his face and then sleeping with him on the same day. both of you need to grow up. If you read the text messages, you will see that i asked him to call me. I ddin't want to talk via text msg about things and he woudln't. maybe he was scared or uncomfortable? So i had no choice but to start saying how I felt in a text b/c he didn't want to discuss over the phone. This will not ruin the wedding. I'm not like that and would never cause a scene in public.. wow.. judgemental people on here today!
thatone Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 you asked him to call, but then you told him via text that you didn't want to see him anymore. was this before or after you told him about another date and then slept with him in the same day? i forget. sure you had a choice, the choice is to tell him "we need to talk and not via text, call me right now."
ladyinlimbo Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Yes, I told him about the date b/c from day one, he told me he wanted the truth b/c his ex cheated on him. I was being respectful and honest. If i didn't tell him, he would find out through mutal friends anyways. We were not exclusive, so I had that right for a date. Exactly! You'd only been out, what, a couple of times by that point, you were "not exclusive" yet because he was cheated on in the past you felt it required to confess that you'd had a date with someone else that night but had cancelled it to be with him? Sorry, others might buy this but I don't. If you've gone out with someone twice, you had a big fight and "it" (whatever "it" is) is over, it wasn't an exclusive "relationship" and you begin speakin again - there is no way in the world that you owe it to them to tell them you had a date that night with someone else. Sorry but all that is, is trying to make a guy jealous.....or make yourself to appear in demand. It's game playing, bottom line. He is the one who brought up the kids thing. I broke it off first b/c it was too fast for that talk and let him know that. I we talked it out and I thought we were on the same page when it came to NO kids talk right now. I'm trying to handle things in a way I thought was honest and adult like and I'm the bad person looking for drama? weird.... Actually, if you're willing to get into bed with someone and take the risk that you could end up pregnant (no form of birth control is 100%), then yes, you should know each other's views on children prior to that. Accidents happen. If you're going to get as physically close and intimate with someone as having sex when you barely know them, you should wait a little longer maybe to learn more about them........their views, their beliefs, their goals, their ideas of the future, etc. I guess for some, sex after a couple of dates is more just a recreational thing........but unfortunately pregnancy can happen........and I can't tell you how many times I've read posts from women who accidentally get knocked up early on.........then are devastated when they find out from the guy that he doesn't want kids and he's outta the picture. Maturity means knowing each other's views on children and an unplanned pregnancy should it, God forbid, happen. But so many today are just so quick to hop into the sack without asking the questions beforehand, or really taking the time to get to know the person. I once dated a guy, while in my mid 30s, and prior to ever having sex, we discussed general things.....views on life, kids, marriage, unplanned pregnancy.........he made it clear that if any GF of his ever got pregnant, he'd insist on an abortion. Being that I don't agree with an abortion, that was all that i needed to know to KNOW I wasn't about to play spin the pickle.........because despite how cautious and careful I've always been about sex and protection, nothing is a 100% guarantee and I was not about to end up, God forbid, knocked up and a single Mom with a baby daddy who wanted nothing to do with his kid. That's called maturity. That's called being responsible. Why are so many in such a rush to jump into bed with virtual strangers? Nevermind pregnancy, what about STDs?
Author orion1010 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 you asked him to call, but then you told him via text that you didn't want to see him anymore. was this before or after you told him about another date and then slept with him in the same day? i forget. sure you had a choice, the choice is to tell him "we need to talk and not via text, call me right now." I asked him to call again in one last ditch effort to talk but he said he wouldn't and asked to talk about it tomorrow. I finally had it and said, no.. we are not talking about this tomorrow.. lets just be friends. I didn't want and entire day of texting issues again. I thought if he was mature, he would want to pickup the phone and talk at the very least, or come see me. The NEXT day, he text me to say sorry and asked to see me. I agreed b/c I thought we could finally just talk. which we did. I thought we were going back to dating again b/c that's what we agreed on. I was honest about the date b/c he would find out anyway and he told me on date one, he want's honesty. The guy who asked me on the date asked days before and I never game him a yes or no until the day after I called things off with jake b/c i thought we'd just be friends. I agreed to the date in the morning that jake and I saw each other and had sex. I called off the date after we agreed to see each other that night. yes, very fast but oh well. .that's dating. I just want to know if I should confront him on his lies or not? I never got mean with him or lied. I was always honest at where I stood with him. That's fair. It's easy to lie and play people while dating and I don't. IF a guy wants to know something, he can ask and I say that right up front. I have nothing to hide.
thatone Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 (edited) 1026 pm him: I'm sorry im so busy 1032 pm me: It's ok. i just think we wont have much time to get to know each other. I would never ask you to stop doing the things you like. 1035 pm him: Well it's never easy with my schedule. it will be a little better now tho 1059 pm him: Next friday for our dinner? 1102 pm me: Jake, I think we want different things. 1127 pm me: I don't want weirdness. you didn't respond to me. im sorry but getting to know someone or dating via text msg isnt for me. i like you but we just don't have time.that's what you posted. you went from "it's ok" as a response to an apology about his busy schedule to telling him to go away, 30 minutes later. all over text message. confront him? you told him to go away, he's not your boyfriend, why should he listen to anything you have to say? if you wanted to confront him about something you should've waited until the friday he suggested and told him face to face then. you don't get to confront people who you aren't in a relationship with. when you tell them to go away, they don't owe you anything, and they don't have to listen to what you have to say. you're trying to make him jealous and string him along, he got back at you with the bridesmaid deal. so now you're even, let it go. Edited May 14, 2011 by thatone
Author orion1010 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 Exactly! You'd only been out, what, a couple of times by that point, you were "not exclusive" yet because he was cheated on in the past you felt it required to confess that you'd had a date with someone else that night but had cancelled it to be with him? Sorry, others might buy this but I don't. If you've gone out with someone twice, you had a big fight and "it" (whatever "it" is) is over, it wasn't an exclusive "relationship" and you begin speakin again - there is no way in the world that you owe it to them to tell them you had a date that night with someone else. Sorry but all that is, is trying to make a guy jealous.....or make yourself to appear in demand. It's game playing, bottom line. Actually, if you're willing to get into bed with someone and take the risk that you could end up pregnant (no form of birth control is 100%), then yes, you should know each other's views on children prior to that. Accidents happen. If you're going to get as physically close and intimate with someone as having sex when you barely know them, you should wait a little longer maybe to learn more about them........their views, their beliefs, their goals, their ideas of the future, etc. I guess for some, sex after a couple of dates is more just a recreational thing........but unfortunately pregnancy can happen........and I can't tell you how many times I've read posts from women who accidentally get knocked up early on.........then are devastated when they find out from the guy that he doesn't want kids and he's outta the picture. Maturity means knowing each other's views on children and an unplanned pregnancy should it, God forbid, happen. But so many today are just so quick to hop into the sack without asking the questions beforehand, or really taking the time to get to know the person. I once dated a guy, while in my mid 30s, and prior to ever having sex, we discussed general things.....views on life, kids, marriage, unplanned pregnancy.........he made it clear that if any GF of his ever got pregnant, he'd insist on an abortion. Being that I don't agree with an abortion, that was all that i needed to know to KNOW I wasn't about to play spin the pickle.........because despite how cautious and careful I've always been about sex and protection, nothing is a 100% guarantee and I was not about to end up, God forbid, knocked up and a single Mom with a baby daddy who wanted nothing to do with his kid. That's called maturity. That's called being responsible. Why are so many in such a rush to jump into bed with virtual strangers? Nevermind pregnancy, what about STDs? Having the kids and sex talk before having sex is what we were doing. he misunderstood me by thinking I'd never wanted kids. He asked if i would get an abortion if i ever were to get prego and I said no. He told later on after the fight that he assumed that the only way i would have a child is if it was an accident. so he pulled away and was suddenly "busy". i wanted to talk about it and clear the air but he wouldn't over the phone. only text which is why i got frustrated and ended it. his ex cheated on him and got prego and didn't know if it was his or the other mans. it wasn't his after DNA test. he's bringing all this jealousy and kids thing way to early into the 'relationship'. like 2nd date before sex. he was testing me by his questions to see if I was anything like her. a cheater.. he admitted his jealousy and how he has a problem. By me being honest with him, I thought that would make things easier. I didn't want him to be skeptical about me or to find out i had date from someone else. then I'd be a liar. seems like I can't win either way. you guys think i was mean by telling him, he would have thought I was a liar for not. what is one to do in that situation? he would have found out either way. after the kids, std, emotions, making time for each other talk we were fine. had sex then he does a 180 on me. or at least that's what if felt like to me. if he wanted to walk away from dating me, he should just do so. PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL. Not text me. text text text. we never even talked over the phone. I've tried calling him and he would let it go to VM.... I just don't think it's fair for him to make up lies about me. I just wanted to know if anyone else out there would call him on it or just walk away? Whenever I post on here, it seems there are some that attack and judge. Others are understaning and give wonderful advice and thank you for that. I'm giving you people the bare minimum on the 'relationship' to get advice. I'm not saying im perfect and neither is this guy. I want info, not to be called names and or made fun of like a jerry springer episode..
Author orion1010 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 that's what you posted. you went from "it's ok" as a response to an apology about his busy schedule to telling him to go away, 30 minutes later. all over text message. confront him? you told him to go away, he's not your boyfriend, why should he listen to anything you have to say? if you wanted to confront him about something you should've waited until the friday he suggested and told him face to face then. you don't get to confront people who you aren't in a relationship with. when you tell them to go away, they don't owe you anything, and they don't have to listen to what you have to say. you're trying to make him jealous and string him along, he got back at you with the bridesmaid deal. so now you're even, let it go. If he refuses to pickup the phone, and responds to a vm via text what should i do? I ended after he didn't answer. he was not working. he was bowling. out with friends. he was stringing me along. i was trying to communicate. he wouldn't so i ended via text msg b/c that's the only way to communicate with him. then i agreed to a new date.. please read my respone above as to why i told him i had the date.
chuckles11 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 (edited) Actually, if you're willing to get into bed with someone and take the risk that you could end up pregnant (no form of birth control is 100%), then yes, you should know each other's views on children prior to that. Accidents happen. If you're going to get as physically close and intimate with someone as having sex when you barely know them, you should wait a little longer maybe to learn more about them........their views, their beliefs, their goals, their ideas of the future, etc. I guess for some, sex after a couple of dates is more just a recreational thing........but unfortunately pregnancy can happen........and I can't tell you how many times I've read posts from women who accidentally get knocked up early on.........then are devastated when they find out from the guy that he doesn't want kids and he's outta the picture. Maturity means knowing each other's views on children and an unplanned pregnancy should it, God forbid, happen. But so many today are just so quick to hop into the sack without asking the questions beforehand, or really taking the time to get to know the person. The chances that she was going to get pregnant if she was on birth control and he was using a condom are well under 1%. She also could have been hit by a bus on the way to the date. Edited May 15, 2011 by chuckles11
spiderowl Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 The only guy I got involved with who I found out was a womaniser and almost certainly cheating had previously told me about a string of women who had hurt him and some of whom had acted crazily. That should have been a warning sign to me but I wanted to get to know him and make up my own mind. Since then, I've realise that guys who mess woman about, cheat and lie, do tend to end up with women acting crazily towards them. This is undoubtedly because they've been treated like crap by this guy. The guys spread rumours that the women are crazy and harassing them because it's easier to do this than explain to the new girlfriend (or dupe) that you have left a trail of angry women behind you. Ignore this guy. He's probably doing this to bait you and get you to react. The minute you do, he can claim you are crazy and show his friends the 'evidence' (i.e. your angry text, email or whatever). He's the crazymaker. Stay away from him and do not give him any cause whatsoever to be able to blame you. Don't worry, there will be another woman down the line who he will try to wind up too. These guys just like drama and like to build a reputation as a ladies man who drives women wild. He likes to think he's in demand and this is his way of getting you to pay him some more attention. Ignore him. I bet you he will try other ways of trying to bait you, but if you resist and ignore him, he's the one who will look stupid.
Author orion1010 Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 (edited) The only guy I got involved with who I found out was a womaniser and almost certainly cheating had previously told me about a string of women who had hurt him and some of whom had acted crazily. That should have been a warning sign to me but I wanted to get to know him and make up my own mind. Since then, I've realise that guys who mess woman about, cheat and lie, do tend to end up with women acting crazily towards them. This is undoubtedly because they've been treated like crap by this guy. The guys spread rumours that the women are crazy and harassing them because it's easier to do this than explain to the new girlfriend (or dupe) that you have left a trail of angry women behind you. Ignore this guy. He's probably doing this to bait you and get you to react. The minute you do, he can claim you are crazy and show his friends the 'evidence' (i.e. your angry text, email or whatever). He's the crazymaker. Stay away from him and do not give him any cause whatsoever to be able to blame you. Don't worry, there will be another woman down the line who he will try to wind up too. These guys just like drama and like to build a reputation as a ladies man who drives women wild. He likes to think he's in demand and this is his way of getting you to pay him some more attention. Ignore him. I bet you he will try other ways of trying to bait you, but if you resist and ignore him, he's the one who will look stupid. Edit: my friend shelly told me that he's ok to go for b/c she thought he had changed and was a nice guy. he hasn't even had sex with another women in almost a year and she thought he was different now and had time to heal from his cheating ex. that's why she didn't warn me about him. Thanks so much for your insight. I ALMOST text him today but I didn't. I let it go. I'm so happy I did based on the way you put things... him showing that text to friends and then his lies would be true to him. My friend omitted to me about some of his past. He dated another girlfriend of hers where he was the same way but worse b/c she played into his game. my friend didn't tell me this until later today. The bride, kelly said that he never liked her friend. I'll call her pam. Pam really liked jake and let him know. He hung out with her, had sex then avoided her. then he told his friends the same thing he did about me. called her crazy. she did call him out on it and I'm sure it made it worse. then one night when they were together with mutual friends, she was flirting with another guy and he asked to talk to her alone. he went crazy and told her she cannot flirt with others.. blah blah.. she told him he made it clear he didn't want anything and she can do as he pleased. It seems he wanted what he can't have and once he had it, the relationship between them meant nothing. she was pissed. I'm not going to call him on anything. no doubt I will see him in the future, but I'm not sure how to act around him. do i act friendly? do i ignore him? what do i do? I will see him again and not sure how to handle it. Edited May 15, 2011 by orion1010 to add more
veggirl Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Wow!! He sounds like a piece of work. If (when) you see him again, be cordial, but aloof. Say hello if he is standing near you, then immediately move onto the next person and engage them in a real convo. Don't give him attention, but also don't draw attention to your situation by flat out being rude/ignoring.
Author orion1010 Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 also, I just deleted him from facebook. is that too severe? To me he's too unpredictable and I just want NC until all this passes. I just feel uncomfortable with him having access to my facebook or me what so ever based on what my friend told me about him today.
Kari Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 also, I just deleted him from facebook. is that too severe? To me he's too unpredictable and I just want NC until all this passes. I just feel uncomfortable with him having access to my facebook or me what so ever based on what my friend told me about him today. If you feel uncomfortable that he has access to your information (due to the circumstances) then it is not severe. Deleting him was a good way to ensure NC.
veggirl Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Yah, he should be deleted from FB. For sure. He is freakin crazy! He will use whatever he sees against you, so don't let him see anything
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