mopar crazy Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 My sil throws a bday party for her three children every single year. I usually go to each one and give them a gift. I don't expect my sil or brother to give my kids anything but I can honestly say that last time they even gave them a card was when they were little, so over 10 years ago! They are teenagers now. My nephews 9th bday is today, we are invited out to help celebrate. I had made plans weeks ago that I was not able to attend due to my own dd having her 16th bday celebration this weekend. It's the only time we can do it. Anyhow, so I called my nephew to wish him a Happy Bday. In the middle of the conversation he said "Did you get me my bday gift yet? Ok he is 9, and he expects me to get him something b/c I do every single year. Of course I'm going to get him one now! I just get pissed! My brother and sil are well off financially, I am not. I have my dd's 16th bday, two graduations, and a wedding to spend for. I can't afford to buy him a bday for a non-milestone bday. He shouldn't have to suffer b/c I'm broke but it's getting old that my sil has a party every year and then her kids expect a gift and my kids haven't even gotten a card. What to do? Do I just give him a gift and just let it go or should I let it go and just get a card as he is spoiled and expects gifts every single year?
alacemessi Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 :cool:Yes I got well your situation. Kids love gifts it is not only the birthday wishes important for them. Tit for tat strategy does not work for the relations. Well according to me the cheap and best gift for your niece will be a portable video game. That is not too expensive and you know that how much kids like it I hope you liked my suggestion. All the best!
Lucky_One Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 I would probably talk to my sister and say something along the lines of - Hey, sis. About birthdays for our kids? I am just not finding myself with a lot of extra cash these days because of graduations and weddings, so I think I am going to limit birthday gifts to children who are under two digits (9 years and younger), just like you have done with my children. I think you were smart to stop giving presents to mine when they got older, and I am going to follow your lead on that. Now, this does put you on the hook for buying presents for your nieces and nephews who are 9 and younger, but it also gives a set time limit that is easy to remember, and it shows your sister that you have noticed her lack of giving, but you are saying it in a way that is understanding and will only make her look bad if she complains. For your nieces, give them a gift card for a basic pedicure at a WalMart pedi salon for $20 or something, and give your nephew a Best Buy $20 card. Make their cards (I refuse to spend $4-5 on a card that is probably tossed with the wrappings), or find ones at the dollar store.
anne1707 Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 Hey, sis. About birthdays for our kids? I am just not finding myself with a lot of extra cash these days because of graduations and weddings, so I think I am going to limit birthday gifts to children who are under two digits (9 years and younger), just like you have done with my children. I think you were smart to stop giving presents to mine when they got older, and I am going to follow your lead on that. I agree with this kind of approach. My H and I don't have children but have a ridiculous number of nephews and nieces (my H's family breed like rabbits). As the children got older, we just said that we were going to treat 18 as a cut off point (by that time, they only wanted cash/vouchers). Christmas is a lot cheaper these days
Author mopar crazy Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 Thanks for all the suggestions! I have talked to my sis in law about this. She said "Give what you can" but it was in a snotty tone. She not only has bday parties every year for her kids but also for other close friends so it's just not her children. She threw me my 40th bday party only b/c my H asked her if we could have it at her place b/c she has a large machine shed and it works great for these things. Other than that, I haven't wanted her to have a bday party for me and she hasn't, wish I'm glad! I was able to make it to my nephew's party b/c we got back from my dd celebration earlier than expected. I gave him $10, it's all I could afford. I live pay check to pay check and I just recently bought the car I have wanted for a very long time. I can comfortably make the payments but had to cut back on other things to have this car. I was more than thrilled to give up on those things to get this car. And I couldn't pass up on the price b/c I got it for a lot less than what it's worth. It had everything I wanted. Even the banker for the loan asked me why I was getting it so cheap. She forgot my brother is a car dealer. I'm not going push my dreams under the rug to buy her kids gifts. I do give more, like $20 for milestone bdays. The last milestone was my older nephew's 16th. I gave him $20 cash. A few weeks ago my sis in law said she had a gift for my dd's 16th bday. I told her she did not need to do that, she never gave my 17 yo ds anything for his 16th, She said she did. I KNOW for a fact she did not! FF to the day of my dd's 16th. She text her telling her she has a gift for her, she can come get it. WHAT? I'm not making the 20 mile trip to go get this gift! W/ gas prices being the way they are and I live 20 miles from work and the kids school. I need to conserve my fuel! Anyhow, we went out there last night for my nephew's graduation. She gave dd her gift ever after I told her not to! A $10 GC to a crappy convienance store! WTF? My dd doesn't even have a car yet. And she knows I do not get gas at that convienance store b/c their fuel is not good. I get better gas mileage at another place. So, she has this $10 GC to a crappy place! And I gave her kid $20 for his 16th! I would have rather have her not giving her anything! And my ds found the card and now he is hurt b/c he never got anything. Now he thinks his aunt and uncle dislike him. THIS is exactly why I told her not to get her anything!
Tayla Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I know this is after the original fact of birthday giving yet I can say what has worked in my LARGE family. At young ages my brothers and I said "Hey! Lets give each other what we did the year before!" WHich is nothing. So instead, each year we call each other to thank each other for getting me the handme down gift from the year before. It makes for a good laugh and ultimately its the gesture of remembering and being there that matters. My nieces and nephews ( which to date equates to 37!!!!!!!!!!!) get a call and "sometimes" a card with a fresh five dollar bill. None of us raised our kids to EXPECT gifts or to demand a gift, we instead taught them the value of family being there to celebrate. My one niece at 4 years old (bless her heart) cried at her party and said, I don't want these gifts if others can't open a gift too! How sweet she was to know that gifts are for sharing..and to learn it at such a young age. She is now 28, does animal rescue work and makes it a habit to GIVE others a gift on her special day...she usually gives them a coupon in which she will dog/cat sit for family when they go on vacation, how cool is that!!
carhill Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 When my nieces and nephews expect birthday gifts this year they get a tasteful and heartfelt card.
Citizen Erased Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Your nephew sounds like a spoiled brat. What kind of kid hits up their aunt for a gift? Ugh. I say stop with the gifts to them altogether. If your kids get nothing...
SunkistGirl Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 I know exactly what its like to be in that kinda situation. My nephew who is 5 now.. Is the most spoiled Brat EVER. His Mommy shops Gucci and Prada and all that glam while my brother worked 3 jobs for her lifestyle they live with her parents not paying any bills or helping her family with groceries the parents also work several jobs to make her happy and watch HER kid at their jobs and do everything for Her. My brother got sick from working too much and never sleeping and she cleans out his unemployment on clothes for her still shes a party girl shes crashed both they're cars and is a horriable role model for her kid. Anytime I am over they say things about me and my two kids. how we are dressed and what not IM 3 years younger have my own place own car and worked hard as a family to keep us happy. But everytime my nephew see's me he ask for money and says why cant you give me money are you poor. How come you have kids my mommy says if you have kids you must have money and your being greedy. For his 3rd bday the last bday I gave him a gift I got him a Jumphouse he can use year round til age of 8 and also a cool singing card with 20 bucks in it. He hated the gift and asked if he can return it for money IN FRONT of all 30 of his guest. Then he threw the card away NOT IMPRESSED... and said "WOW 20 dollars you must be POOR. and ripped it and threw that in the trash I was humiliated and his mom laughed and all her friends laughed and she said well we cant all have money my son only likes the best! I left and havent gone to his last two bdays and I dont plan on going to any. His mom is a very fake horriable person I am hoping that maybe this will make you feel better and you can be glad at least its not this BAD! lol
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