Ex says he can't be in a relationship right now, but maybe we'll have a chance again?

[Daaanz]

Okay, my situation is kinda confusing. My relationship split around two weeks ago now. Things got really tough in our relationship, I became VERY clingy and we argued a lot and I guess this is what pushed him away and eventually he told me he couldn't be with me any longer, which is fair enough, I think it was what we both needed.

However, now after the break we've had I've realised all I did was wrong and I want him back. I've told him how I feel about everything but he feels he wouldn't be happy in a relationship right now and I know I can't force him, however I think if he just let himself go, we would be fine. He's said to me after exams he'd like to give us another shot, when he can focus on us completely. We've been meeting up regularly and getting along just generally really really well, I know for a fact he still loves me. He said he can't see this being the end of us completely and he's promised me while he's away he isn't going to go with any new girls or do anything that will make me feel uncomfortable, since we have a holiday booked together in June, this is the night after his last exam. I'm so stuck on the situation, obviously I'm gonna live my life while I'm not with him, I'm not going to mope around and I am really happy now, but I do really want to be with him still. I just don't know what to do, can anyone give me any kind of advice?

[ShoeGurl1973]

Daaanz -

 

I am on here now because I was a recent "Dumpee", but a few years ago I was in an 8 year relationship and engaged but was the "Dumper". I have experience on both sides of the fence, so to speak.

 

From the sounds of your situation, your reasons for the breaking up are pretty minor, as were mine when I broke off things with my fiance. We were living togetgher at the time and I found myself discontened really for no reasons I could pinpoint. Sure, we had a few arguements that I basically put alot of emphasis on these minor issues as a way to justify wanting to be by myself for awhile, but looking back they were easily solveable.

 

I felt as if I wanted to be alone in a dark room to figure myself out. I didn't want to break up but I knew I needed space and when you live together this is difficult to achieve. We ended up moving out into our own places. Still talked, even though I really needed some space a for a short time. My exfiance kept calling, kept asing me to meet up do dinner etc. It pushed me further away becuase I felt he was expecting me to make a decision to take him back after only a few weeks.

 

My advice to you is that if he is saying he just wants some space, give it to him. Completely. No phone calls, no texts etc. If you have a vaca scheduled let him know you will be giving him alone time until then. It will be an opportunity for him to totally see what life without you is like. After this time I think it will make your coming together for your vaca all the more powerful and meaningful - possibly giving you a fresh start on your relationship.

 

Alot of people on here think that a dumper always dumps the dumpee because of issues with the dumpee. I can honestly say that's not 100% true. When I let my fiance go I just needed time to get some perspective on my life, myself, and where I wanted our relationship to go. Sometimes when you are two people togehter all the time for a long time, you loose sight of that. A little time apart can quickly bring things back into focus.

 

I truly feel that if my fiance he let me be completely alone with no contact for about 1-2 months I would have come back to him.