starynight Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 This is my first time posting, so bear with me. I met this guy in an unconventional way. I had been in a 7 year relationship and celibate for 3 years. I didn't want to date, but after three years... I had needs. So I posted an ad on a website for a casual encounter. There were a bunch of responses, but there was just something about this one guy. So we met to have drinks and see if we would hit it off. We had chemistry. So we went back to his place and were intimate. The whole night he was an absolute gentleman and seemed genuinely interested in me. Asking me all about myself, etc. After we had sex we stayed up for hours talking and laughing together. I didn't expect to really connect with him, but we connected on so many levels. He kept saying things like God, you'll probably never want to talk to me after this, if he said something weird. As in he did want to see me again. He asked me to go bowling with him. He had to be up really early the next morning and I said to him, be honest do you want me to go home now? He said, well I don't want to kick you out, so I said no problem, I will just leave and I left. Here is the dilema. I think I could like him. I can't tell if he likes me or if he is just acting like he does so I will keep hooking up with him. He wants to go out again in a couple of days. We had sex and then he hinted he wanted me to leave, but we talked for hours and he wants to see me again? I am confused. To make matters worse, he has only been legally separted from his ex for four months. So what do you think. Go out again and risk getting hurt, or avoid him?
sanskrit Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 If you are fine with him having the ad up still seeking casual encounters with other women, then proceed to date him. If you are not fine with it don't. You really don't have grounds to ask him to stop seeking casual encounters at this point, but you could bring it up by telling him the things you posted in the OP, that though you were seeking to break your celibacy, the casual lifestyle is not for you, and you are looking for a monogamous relationship eventually. See what he says and more importantly how he acts. But have to say that a casual encounter from an ad really stacks the deck against you two forming the standard monogamous relationship. The way in which you met will likely cause trust issues on your end, now and over time that will not be easy to deal with.
BiscuitXOXO Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 @ sanskrit: the OP was the one who posted the ad. And this seems like its going pretty well. But you DID say in your ad that you wanted a "casual encounter." Since it seemed to go so well, personally I would be eager to meet him again. After all, you don't really know too much about him.
Author starynight Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 If you are fine with him having the ad up still seeking casual encounters with other women, then proceed to date him. If you are not fine with it don't. You really don't have grounds to ask him to stop seeking casual encounters at this point, but you could bring it up by telling him the things you posted in the OP, that though you were seeking to break your celibacy, the casual lifestyle is not for you, and you are looking for a monogamous relationship eventually. See what he says and more importantly how he acts. But have to say that a casual encounter from an ad really stacks the deck against you two forming the standard monogamous relationship. The way in which you met will likely cause trust issues on your end, now and over time that will not be easy to deal with. I am the one who put the ad up. He just responded to my ad.
sanskrit Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Oops sorry for the misread. Doesn't matter though, or to fix my post, "if you are fine with him continuing to cruise casual encounter ads and seek out casual encounters."
ladyinlimbo Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 (edited) This is my first time posting, so bear with me. I met this guy in an unconventional way. I had been in a 7 year relationship and celibate for 3 years. I didn't want to date, but after three years... I had needs. So I posted an ad on a website for a casual encounter. There were a bunch of responses, but there was just something about this one guy. So we met to have drinks and see if we would hit it off. We had chemistry. So we went back to his place and were intimate. The whole night he was an absolute gentleman and seemed genuinely interested in me. Asking me all about myself, etc. After we had sex we stayed up for hours talking and laughing together. I didn't expect to really connect with him, but we connected on so many levels. He kept saying things like God, you'll probably never want to talk to me after this, if he said something weird. As in he did want to see me again. He asked me to go bowling with him. He had to be up really early the next morning and I said to him, be honest do you want me to go home now? He said, well I don't want to kick you out, so I said no problem, I will just leave and I left. Here is the dilema. I think I could like him. I can't tell if he likes me or if he is just acting like he does so I will keep hooking up with him. He wants to go out again in a couple of days. We had sex and then he hinted he wanted me to leave, but we talked for hours and he wants to see me again? I am confused. To make matters worse, he has only been legally separted from his ex for four months. So what do you think. Go out again and risk getting hurt, or avoid him? Okay, let me get this straight. You're in a long-term 7 yr relationship yet you're slinking around online looking for casual hook-ups? Of course he pretended to be interested in you; he doesn't want to ruin a "sure thing." He got laid so easy, didn't even have to work for it. You should seriously get yourself tested for STDs. If he's willing to meet some stranger who's looking for a 'casual encounter', this ain't his first rodeo and you have no idea what he might have. No form of protection is 100% protection against STDs. Why would you take such a risk? Why do you remain with someone who allegedly doesn't "meet your needs"? Why don't you just end it and then go have all of the casual sex you want??? By the way, a guy who cruises the net looking for chicks who are looking for a casual no-strings bang are not going to ever want a relationship. Why would they when they can so easily find women such as yourself any night of the week? Do you think a man really respects a woman who advertises that she's looking for a no-strings romp with a total stranger? Of course he doesn't. He'll play along and say the right things to keep the supply of casual sex going but it will never go anywhere. You're not going to be "the one" who cures him of his philandering ways. And for all you know, he's in a relationship as well. Maybe she works nights and that's why he wanted you to leave. Or really, why wouldn't he want you to leave? He's not looking for a girl to bring home to Mama, he was looking for an easy piece of tail; he came, he saw, he conquered. Edited May 14, 2011 by ladyinlimbo
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