waytogo Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 This was my response on OW/OM to how seemingly intellegent people end up in affairs. If you read through, you will see I am so sorry I never got to apologize for my part. Maybe I'd feel better to apologize to those of you have been hurt by actions like mine. I am really sorry for my selfishness. I'm very sorry for each of you that has been affected by people who behaved as I did. It is no reflection of your worth, that anyone else took a 'low road'. Below, my response: I'm not proud to say, I went there once. I'm supposed to be intellegent , above average IQ & repeatedly on college Dean's List. Truth is, I don't spell great, so be prepared to laugh at that. Like another poster, I had a major loss in my life. As she stated, it is not an excuse. It's the only way I can explain how I would do something I was so sure I never would. Would I take it back? Absolutely. It never turned into the whole disaster it could have; but it was just so wrong. This is not the way I want to treat even an unknowing party. Do I regret it? I agree with another poster. It's not worth the emotion of regretting what you can't change. I know, this time with certainty, I will never be involved in anything remotely like that again. I would tell anyone to really think things through before jumping into an affair. So many begin (as mine did), as an agreement for mutual physical comfort. My brains must have been truly scrambled. I've never had a physical relationship that didn't involve emotions. We both professed to be in love over time. Maybe we were, maybe we weren't really. Who cares? If the emotions brought some inconveince to us, it was our own d*mned faults. XMM is a decent guy outside of this particular entitlement he talked himself into thinking he deserved. Same goes for me (accept I'm a decent girl). He did help me through a tough time. I also had some tough times over the situation because of our choice, so I'd call it a wash at best. I still feel guilty sometimes. Even after I ended it, I never contacted her with information I believe she deserves. Bold girl I am, huh? Grown up enough to be in that involvement, grown up enough to leave it, but never was able to fully own up and give the apology she deserves. I do apologize in my prayers and thoughts. I do believe it wouldn't make sense to stir trouble there at this point. Life is really good for me now. It does bother me to owe an apology to someone that I will probably never make. 1
Author waytogo Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 I'm new here. I would like to delete this. No one wants to acknowledge it. It wasn't put here to bother anyone. Could someone please tell me how to remove it?
anne1707 Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Once threads are up, they can't be deleted unless you approach the Mods and they agree that there is a real need to do so, eg gives away info that can identify individuals. If you want the thread to "die", I suggest you don't post on it anymore. As for the content of your post, I doubt you have bothered anybody - if you had, you would know about it by now on this site
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Author waytogo Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 Well, if someone can post drug advertisement in another language on this post, my post can't be so bad I hope my statements are understood in the spririt intended. I can't take the posting back, like other things I can't - so here it sits.
greengoddess Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 When I read the beginning of this post I thought oh wow we are going to hear some truths as to how an intelligent person would stoop to being someone"s goto on the side. I'm disappointed. you didn't say anything. you had a loss. that's all you said. how does having a loss translate into I think I will **** that womans husband? if you really want to be honest than you have a lot more self examination to do.
Author waytogo Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 When I read the beginning of this post I thought oh wow we are going to hear some truths as to how an intelligent person would stoop to being someone"s goto on the side. I'm disappointed. you didn't say anything. you had a loss. that's all you said. how does having a loss translate into I think I will **** that womans husband? if you really want to be honest than you have a lot more self examination to do. It kind of sounds like you didn't read the whole thread. There is not really a thought of, "I'm going to to this thing even I don't believe in doing". A low point for many, means 'I may be capable of doing something I was sure I couldn't do'. I'm sorry you are disapointed. I couldn't examine my self any further and find what I did any more wrong than I already have. I am very lucky. Even a mistake like that didn't prevent me from a wonderful life. I do want to make something right if I can. I'll never go to BW and disrupt everything there. I hope anyone could read how not worth it such a situation is, and just not go there. I don't know of anything further I can do. Do you know how I could truly right my wrongs? I'm open to suggestions.
greengoddess Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 It kind of sounds like you didn't read the whole thread. There is not really a thought of, "I'm going to to this thing even I don't believe in doing". A low point for many, means 'I may be capable of doing something I was sure I couldn't do'. I'm sorry you are disapointed. I couldn't examine my self any further and find what I did any more wrong than I already have. I am very lucky. Even a mistake like that didn't prevent me from a wonderful life. I do want to make something right if I can. I'll never go to BW and disrupt everything there. I hope anyone could read how not worth it such a situation is, and just not go there. I don't know of anything further I can do. Do you know how I could truly right my wrongs? I'm open to suggestions. Yup tell all to the wife so she knows what kind of slime she is married to and make an informed choice.
crazycatlady Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 I wish I had that much from the OW....I would truly like to know what the hell was going through her mind. I happen to know she is a smart woman. I happen to know how she was raised, what morals she has, and everything. I know how he got into it...he's selfish. But her....I want to know and I know she will always be to coward to ever say anything to me. And she will smile at me at family gatherings. She will post on my FB that she misses me. And in front of the rest of the family we will all pretend that nothing ever happened. And she will continue to ignore my phone calls, my text messages, and make sure we are never left alone together..... So I for one take your apology. Because I think she would apology if she weren't so chicken. S*** happens. Good people make bad decisions. And spelling is highly overrated Really highly overrated.
Snowflower Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I'm new here. I would like to delete this. No one wants to acknowledge it. It wasn't put here to bother anyone. Could someone please tell me how to remove it? Why would you want to remove it? I found your OP interesting. I never spoke to the OW in my situation and I have, at time, wondered how she felt. Did she ever think of the hurt she helped cause? So when I read posts like yours, I wonder if the OW in my situation felt something similar. I know I will never know what the OW thought afterward and it doesn't really matter now, but a couple of years ago I really wondered... Thanks for writing this.
SidLyon Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I'm new here. I would like to delete this. No one wants to acknowledge it. It wasn't put here to bother anyone. Could someone please tell me how to remove it? Thanks for writing this. Your original post and this were written between 1am and 4am, where I am. You should be aware that not everyone is in the same timezone as you.
Spark1111 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Former faithful spouse here, and I for one accept your apology. I would have killed to have ever heard one from the OW in my case cause she too, on the surface seemed to be a decent woman coming out of an acrimonious divorce. And I also thought, for waaaay too long, that on some level she must be somewhat like me, and I am smart, and resourceful and independent. Don't beat yourself up too bad. She knows way more than you think. She has pondered the affair and you and him and her marriage for countless hours, days. months, and often years trying to understand how the man she loved talked himself out of that love of her's to justify pursuing his attraction for you. She felt worthless, and ugly and devastated for a very long time, and desperately tried to put the pieces of a puzzle together, of their lives and their love and their legacy and for a long time she was not sure where the piece of you would fit into it; so she either hated that piece of the puzzle that signified you, or banged it into place or left it blank or tossed it away. And if she has healed and moved on by either leaving her marriage or building a new one, she has found apkace of forgiveness for you too. And she too prays you are remorseful, has learned a lesson, and will never cause anyone ever again the pain you caused her.
Seeker Sam Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Former faithful spouse here, and I for one accept your apology. I would have killed to have ever heard one from the OW in my case cause she too, on the surface seemed to be a decent woman coming out of an acrimonious divorce. And I also thought, for waaaay too long, that on some level she must be somewhat like me, and I am smart, and resourceful and independent. Don't beat yourself up too bad. She knows way more than you think. She has pondered the affair and you and him and her marriage for countless hours, days. months, and often years trying to understand how the man she loved talked himself out of that love of her's to justify pursuing his attraction for you. She felt worthless, and ugly and devastated for a very long time, and desperately tried to put the pieces of a puzzle together, of their lives and their love and their legacy and for a long time she was not sure where the piece of you would fit into it; so she either hated that piece of the puzzle that signified you, or banged it into place or left it blank or tossed it away. And if she has healed and moved on by either leaving her marriage or building a new one, she has found apkace of forgiveness for you too. And she too prays you are remorseful, has learned a lesson, and will never cause anyone ever again the pain you caused her. Amazing post and full of grace. The bolded part in particular bought me to tears and to experience an appropriate level of remorse. Thank you.
Author waytogo Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Amazing post and full of grace. The bolded part in particular bought me to tears and to experience an appropriate level of remorse. Thank you. Here here! I appreciate all the kind responses. I've been told be several I confided in, God forgives me. Completely forgiving myself isn't as easy as would be nice; but I'll get there. As for telling the BS, it would actually take a weight off me. It has been years and they are still together. Maybe they have a renewed R. I truly hope so. We never had a DD. She probably did know something was up with him. It's is a terrible thought that she felt all those things about herself because of her WH and my selfish behavior. She's none of those things. For what it's worth, I began feeling all of those ways about myself because of what I was doing. I've read that you can't be selfish and be happy at the same time. That was completely true for me.
tami-chan Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Great post, OP! Glad you weren't able to delete it! It is good to look back and learn from our bad choices but not good to hang on to them and beat ourselves up. There is nothing you can do to change the past, but you can stop dwelling in it-sometimes there is no acceptable explanation for our actions or the actions of others. You are going to have to leave it like it is and accept that that was your truth. Funny thing about experiences like this-they make us better people if we learn our lessons. Clearly you have, so move on...
Author waytogo Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Great post, OP! Glad you weren't able to delete it! It is good to look back and learn from our bad choices but not good to hang on to them and beat ourselves up. There is nothing you can do to change the past, but you can stop dwelling in it-sometimes there is no acceptable explanation for our actions or the actions of others. You are going to have to leave it like it is and accept that that was your truth. Funny thing about experiences like this-they make us better people if we learn our lessons. Clearly you have, so move on... Thank you Tami and everyone here. I have mostly moved on from this. As far as I know, I've apologized to everyone I should accept for BW. If I did this now, it would be to purge myself, and possible disrupt what may be in harmony there, now. Though it seems 'I or we, got away with it', I sure didn't. I don't really care about the years I waisted of my own, my fault. I've never wronged another as I did this BW. Even an apology would be a selfish act at this point. Special hugs to Greeneyedglass. Your pain comes through so raw. I'm terribly sorry for what you experienced. I'm more sorry than I could say to have behaved in a way that makes you feel bad to read it. Please don't let your pain take over the rest of your life. Actions of your WS and that OP are actions of broken people. Don't let them break you Gorgeous. You are as great as the day you were born, and noone can change that!
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