feenin Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 So now that I am clean and I've faced my problems. I Did something very selfish and it hurts me day and night.. Along the way of trying to better myself for that perfect girl.. I lost her.. I had a few health issues and became addicted to Opioids, Marijuana, and Phentermine (Amphetamine-Speed like for weight loss). I met this amazing girl About 4 years ago.. And we met up not long ago again Months ago. I went to take a girl I liked on a date to another city.. And used this as a chance to meet up with this friend I haven't seen for awhile. All was well and I never knew that I would ever make it official with my Long term friend from 4 years ago. Who I had secretly waited as I had my chance in the beginning but missed out due to another guy.. Cut along story short the girl I took on a date ended up acting all slutty and ended up hooking up with her friend that night at this pool party.. So my friend asks's me how it was all going with my date? And She probably felt sorry for me and knew how much I liked and tried to get that girls attention. So she took up the chance and asked if she could be my girlfriend? Perfect! This is the girl who I been friends with and since she came into life when we met.. My life has been nothing but great. We always helped each other with problems and issues. It finally happened This was a long distance relationship as we lived about 2-3 hours away from each other. But distance was never an issue.. We always made an effort to see each other when the time had come. So along the timeline.. Things just went our way. Everyday was a perfect day. Joint bank account saving up for the future.. Green traffic lights whenever we drove.. Job awards/promotions and recognition it was all happening. For both me and her.. I got ill along the way and managed todo my back (nerve and disc damage) so I took up opioid based Medications.. But got addicted as I hated facing the feeling of pain when the effects were gone. I started taking up Marijuana as a safer alternative.. The pain threshold from smoking a joint or two would last me alot longer then 4-6x pills of basically Opium that was damaging my Liver.. She was cool about this but I gave it up after I got better and stopped smoking and taking pills all together. Every time I met up with her to go on dates and spend weekends together.. I realised wow she really loves me unconditionally and doesn't mind how I look on the outside.. I signed up for higher education to complete a degree as I've only got Industry certificates.. But I wanted to be the best man I can be for this girl cause she loves me with all my heart. I also tried loosing weight since Im highly self conscience. I took up phentermine which helped me lose 11Lbs per 3 weeks.. This is where I messed up, I tried it before for 2 weeks with no side effects and it helped me lose 7Lbs in that time period.. WRONG. I went pyscho and so emotional. That I Picked a fight and blamed her for not bothering to return my calls or messages after 4 days. I put her through anger, sadness, gave her an ultimatum to call me back within 3 days.. Wrote her 5 Letters/emails about how I felt.. I didn't know that I was suffering the side affects of the drugs. I put her through so many emotions and when I confronted my doctor.. She pointed out that I had 7 side affects from the drug - Depression, Anxiety, Paranoia, Anger, Psychotic behavior to name the destructive ones.. I went into work and called my manager into a meeting told him that I needed time off to get better. Called my best friends asking for help. And called my girl asking for forgiveness intime.. and that Im really sorry. She said that I put her 10 billion emotions.. she needs time to think it through.. I told her I had a drug problem and I want to come clean. I want to tell her im Ok now but I pushed her soo far away.. I sent her flowers, she texted me saying thanks for the flowers. xx I replied back wishing her a good weekend.. I want to talk to her or to let her know this was all side affects. So im torn about deciding how much space to give her.. And when I should try calling? She texted me saying that she misses us. I figure that means she misses what we used to be. I put her through soo much.. Im getting my life back on the road now that im Clean and have no withdrawals.. How can I show her? Any suggestions? its been a day since I texted her.. But I dont think she's ready to talk yet.. She probably wont pick up my calls directly if I call her cell Phone.. I know I will get through if I call her house phone. But I dont want her to feel obligated to talk to me when she answers.. I need her in my life I admit and know my flaws. I shouldn't have tried so hard as she loves me completely for who I am..
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