Zzz Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 This is a complicated one, it's been months since we originally broke up, the reasons were my fault, I took her for granted and had previous issues with controlligness, her parents then found out about this, and banned her from seeing me. I was distraught at this, I couldn't believe it, and it has gone downhill since then. During this time, she's told me she's fallen out of love with me, only to come to back to me, telling me she loves me and wants me in her life, and to try and sort this out. I've had some awful reactions to it too, I've been crying on her doorstep begging for her to let me apologise over stupid things, she even started changing very drastically and seeing another guy, telling me she hated me and some very very horrible stuff, only to then tell me she was trying to move on and couldn't do it, and that she still felt no attraction in anyone but me. Right now we're in a very tricky situation, her parents still don't know we're talking, and she does not think it's the right time to tell them. We talk every night for at least 6 hours, and whilst not seeing each other in school (we've broken up for exams now anyway) we see each other secretly once a week anyway, kiss and hold each other, act like we're together, and often engage in foreplay. The thing is, we get very upset at each other, over sometimes really stupid things. My worry about this is really what brought on the message, we had a leaving party on Friday night, and I came up to see her, and she told me quite bluntly she didn't come here to see me, I saw her hanging around with guys, which I know she'd detest if I did, so I was childish and immature, and I decided to speak to 'person x' who is a person I don't really like at all, and neither does she, so to try and annoy a little bit I decided to talk to him about stuff I knee she didn't like about him, but to my shock she actually started crying hysterically, which of course I never ever wanted to happen, now considering she was with her friends, they dislike me a lot, and my guess is they capitalised this opportunity when I made her upset. I got punched in the face by her drunk friend, who has also previously been a horrible person to me, and when I tried to calmly text her on that night, she texted back saying 'I told you if you upset me one more time I'm gone' and I was in tears at this point, I tried to apologise for upsetting her so severely but she was very blunt, and just told me I blew my chance, she even said 'I'll miss you so much I want to die. It means nothing.' which really struck me, and now well I'm stuck on what to do.. Do I give it time to blow over, and offer maybe that we could go to relationship counselling together to fix these problems? As only on the night before this, we kissed, cuddled, had immense passion, and had the best conversation I've had in ages, she even said after the awful night that I 'could've made her life perfect' so I'm really stuck on how to progress on this situation, and due to the love we share, and the massive happiness she can bring me, I don't want to give up.. But how do we progress? All help is appreciated, thank you. After that happened, it was very hard to
rayne05us Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Well first off, have you addressed the issues for why you broke up in the first place? If not, it will just end up in the same sinking boat that is was in before.
Author Zzz Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 Yes, I think we have, but new problems have arisen since then, as has the thought of a painful childhood, which she is going to a counsellor for (though the sessions have not started) at the moment she's still being very blunt with me about last night, I've kept calm but she's saying that what I did was unforgivable.
doubtfulwonder Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 I think you both need a breather and take a step back. Especially because of what happened Friday night, tensions are high and she's still upset. It's all fresh in both of your minds. Give each other some space for now.
rayne05us Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Yes, definitely a lot of space is what you both need right now. Rememeber, just because you're sorry about a behavior or recognize it's an issue, doesn't mean you have changed the behavior. And i'm not trying to be harsh, but from my experiences, people who have control issue usually is because they have an underlying issue of either insecurity or not feeling in control themselves. If you want this to work...address your side of the problem and make sure it's no longer an issue before you dive back into everything.
Leda Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Do I give it time to blow over, and offer maybe that we could go to relationship counselling together to fix these problems? You mentioned that she's about to start seeing a counsellor for individual counselling. Most people, even in long marriages, report a highly positive, helpful experience with one-on-one counselling...couples counselling is less successful. I think you should also consider going to a counselor just by yourself--not to deal with childhood stuff, but to practice communication skills and new ways to share emotions with the person you love. You two are both very emotional and very passionate. And you are still very involved and entangled with each other. I do think giving it time to blow over is a good idea...but also just living in the present and trying to be honest, gentle, calm, and generous now, without worrying too much about what's happened so far. You sometimes have great conversations and great chemistry. Focus on those things.
Author Zzz Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 Today, I tried to stay calm, but I sent more messages than I should have, I was over emotional, she's ignored me for the past few hours, something she's not done before, so I am obviously very upset about that. I sent her a text apologising for my actions, and upset throughout today and that I'll talk to her when she's ready. This help is much appreciated, thank you guys. I have a feeling I may need to come back to you again soon too.
doubtfulwonder Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Whenever you have the urges to send any more messages, just write it out here instead. What's done is done as far as what was sent to her before. And that's okay. You already apologized so no need to write anything else. Let her come to you if anything. Focus on yourself now and think about the things you can do for self-improvement, etc.
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