qanju1 Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Im not sure which section to put this in. First off all we had been in relationship for about year and a half, during the first year she had cheated on me, and i found out. I forgave her, but truly didnt and ended up cheating on her and didnt tell her months later, despite that we both truly loved each other yet she wasn't able to forget. Untill, recently there has been alot of stress from coming exams, family problems and that we were arguing more frequentely. she decided she wanted a break mainly due to 'feeling hurt' from me cheating. at this time, i did not even know what to do, she was still telling me she loved me and that she just can't be with me right now, but maybe in the future. So, basically this had kept me hanging on a string, which is worse then being told i will never be with you. I have tried to show her how much she meant to me, but i guess that was a mistake? because it certainly wasn't working. I have now deleted her from facebook and everything, and told her to only contact me when she feels that she truly wants to be with me and then il considor whether i still have feelings at the time and we'll talk, but in the mean time il be moving on. Is this the right decision if i want her back? she had been texting me and i havn't replied, also hearing that she missing me through her friends but still doesnt want to be with me. This is really hard for me too, i just want to know if my decision is the right one to get her back mainly. Thanks for reading.
betterdeal Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 All decisions are 50% chances. What they lead to may be enjoyable or may be educational. Take a step back from the exact words you've used and consider what you have actually done: you have split up; you have disconnected on Facebook; you have reduced your communication to text messages; you have questioned what you have written; you have reached outside of the relationship for advice (here). All that sounds to me like you guys don't want to be with each other right now. How about accepting that, for now, and focusing your energy on other areas of your life, things you can change or do enjoy? By making yourself more strong, flexible, reactive, clear-headed, at peace with yourself, happy with yourself, you will feel happier, and more confident, and that's a good place to enter into a relationship from, be that relationship with whoever she is, or someone else.
Author qanju1 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 Thank you for replying fast. I guess i had relied way to much on her emotionally, thus i feel really terrible. And you're right, i need to fix my self up first, i have just joined a gym and a dance class to keep me active. I did feel like i became a bit jealous and needy at times. I do still deeply love her and desperately want her back that makes it really hard. And the reason, i did those things such as deleting her from everything was in chance of her finding her self and making a proper decision, without me being tagged along hurting and waiting for an answer. But knowing she wants to be with me but isnt sure, makes this whole thing worse! What i'm trying to say is, if i did want her back; should i stay in contact?
betterdeal Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 You're a very decent guy, and I like that you've identified what you can improve in you. Regards staying in touch with a view to getting back together, I've seen couples re-bond after losing contact and others whilst maintaining contact, so I really don't know which way will work for you. Look at it is this way: to become more emotionally self-sufficient you will have to start tending to your own needs and feelings. Right now, what you have done says to me you want to be disconnected from her, you feel hurt by being in contact with one another. In fact, you both actually feel much the same way as one another. So just follow your gut feelings, and you'll become emotionally self-sufficient and therefore more likely to have a long lasting relationship. That relationship might be with her, if you guys have a new relationship, but it doesn't have to be. So I can't tell you the future. Just what I know.
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