Lil1 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 So I saw a thread about whether men would date single women with kids and it got me curious as to how the ladies feel about this issue - would you ladies date a single dad? I am talking to someone right now who has a 4 year old daughter, nothing serious yet but this is very new territory for me. My take on it so far is that as long as he is over all of his exes and there is no drama with baby mama then it's all good (we are both 29 btw)! I'd love to hear your thoughts ladies!
Rinnix Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 At this time in my life no. I'm 20 years old, I'm just starting my life. I don't want to worry about raising kids that aren't my own. I also don't want any drama. If I was older and more experiened I likely wouldn't rule it as a dealbreaker. Or if I had kids of my own.
veggirl Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I'm 28. I tried the guy w/ kids (well, one kid in each instance) twice. I would NOT do that again at this stage in my life. First of all, I was turned off by how quickly I was brought around the kid in both situations. It was literally like the 2nd date. They both invited me to sleep over when they had their kid which was weird. (kids were 4 in both situations). Second of all, the issues and talk about the moms bugged me big time. Third of all, I didn't even like the kids. They were annoying. I have no desire to date a man with kids. I would turn down a man who told me he has kids. Maybe that will change at some point, but honestly I don't ever want kids of my own, so I really have no desire to date someone w/ kids.
jennifer4 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I wouldn't and haven't had an issue with men with kids. The men I've dated with kids have been active in their life and pay child support so that tells me alot about them. If they had kids that they didn't support or see often that would be different. I myself have 4 kids so it would be silly for me to not date a guy for that reason.
Author Lil1 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 I'm 28. I tried the guy w/ kids (well, one kid in each instance) twice. I would NOT do that again at this stage in my life. First of all, I was turned off by how quickly I was brought around the kid in both situations. It was literally like the 2nd date. They both invited me to sleep over when they had their kid which was weird. (kids were 4 in both situations). Second of all, the issues and talk about the moms bugged me big time. Third of all, I didn't even like the kids. They were annoying. I've been concerned about this myself! We have gone out on one date but he lives 2 hours away from me so we've mostly been talking on the phone. The other night he was putting her to bed and he wanted her to say good night to me too (totally put me on the spot, and she was too shy to say anything on the phone). He then told her that she would love me very much someday (which sorta freaked me out considering we're not even'official' yet!). Is this normal behaviour for men with young kids? to introduce them to their dates right away? I don't think I would operate this way if I were a single mom - I think I would keep them away from my love interests until I have found 'the one' to settle with. Yikes! Now I'm really starting to wonder if I am just wasting my time with this seemingly awesome person! My plan is to just take things easy... it's good that he lives 2 hours away because it forces us to take it slow, but if sometime down the line issues start to come up with his ex or his daughter I might have to change my tune and write this off as yet another learning experience;)
D-Lish Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Hi Lil, I have dated a man with children ONCE, and it turned me off. The ex wife was still so involved- she had a key to his house and him to hers, and she would "pop" by while we were having dinner- when she knew I'd be there. On my 3rd date with the guy she came by and had a glass of wine- trying to size me up and see if she wanted me around her kids! It just fizzled out for me because he often had to break plans or leave in the middle of a date to go pick up the kids because she needed him to watch them! They were divorced 5 years when I met him too. I had a date with a man with 2 kids the other night- and he has custody of them most weekends Thursday to Sunday. In my opinion, that doesn't give me much time in the equasion. I think you have to feel out the situation a little more before making a decision. That guy also told me they had an amicable split and no drama- but the way I saw it, it was drama for me.
jennifer4 Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Asking you to talk to the child on the phone is going too far! I don't let my date meet the kids until a month or more in, depending on how close we get and if I see it going long term. Saves alot of questions.
Author Lil1 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 ooooohhhh... D-Lish thanks for sharing your experience, it def. gives me something to think about! I'm def. not looking for drama & even though I havent met his baby's mom I'm starting to think that the drama that comes with being compared/measured up by her is unavoidable:sick:. There are some aspects about dating a man with kids that def. turn me off, but I thought I would give him a chance (that and also my friends pressured me a little into it since he is my friend's cousin) since he does seem to be a genuinely good guy! I guess only time will tell what this experience will be like but so far I gotta admit the responses to this thread have made me more weary! Thanks all for sharing your perspectives:)
Jazzari Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 My current SO has two kids. I'm in my 40s and have no problem with it. In fact, I view it as a plus since I think his kids are great.
D-Lish Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 ooooohhhh... D-Lish thanks for sharing your experience, it def. gives me something to think about! I'm def. not looking for drama & even though I havent met his baby's mom I'm starting to think that the drama that comes with being compared/measured up by her is unavoidable:sick:. There are some aspects about dating a man with kids that def. turn me off, but I thought I would give him a chance (that and also my friends pressured me a little into it since he is my friend's cousin) since he does seem to be a genuinely good guy! I guess only time will tell what this experience will be like but so far I gotta admit the responses to this thread have made me more weary! Thanks all for sharing your perspectives:) Not every experience is going to be like the one I had. You can't really know until you experience it for yourself! As you've seen, some people have had positive relationships with men with children- and your situation will be unique as well.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 I think the 'putting the kid on the phone thing' was bizarre and creepy. The poor little one now has 2 homes and has to deal with all of that, being shuffled around from Mommies to Daddies, no doubt......how stressful and confusing for a little one!...and now Daddy is on the phone with some stranger and asking the little one to talk to that stranger, making weird comments like he did? Maybe he thought it was cute or something, who knows....but if was any kind of Dad, he'd understand the need to keep his dating life separate from his child until it's been confirmed that the relationship is a serious one. That would turn me right off.
phineas Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 I think the 'putting the kid on the phone thing' was bizarre and creepy. The poor little one now has 2 homes and has to deal with all of that, being shuffled around from Mommies to Daddies, no doubt......how stressful and confusing for a little one!...and now Daddy is on the phone with some stranger and asking the little one to talk to that stranger, making weird comments like he did? Maybe he thought it was cute or something, who knows....but if was any kind of Dad, he'd understand the need to keep his dating life separate from his child until it's been confirmed that the relationship is a serious one. That would turn me right off. I wouldn't do that. I was friends with another single mom & that's the only woman who has met my kids. Period. None of them last more than few months anyways, but their always wanting to meet my kids asap.
Author Lil1 Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 I agree with you guys, it was definitely an uncomfortable moment for me! I didn't know how to respond, I thought maybe it's normal behavior for single parents that date to want to include their children especially if they are young since it is a 'package deal', but most of the people I've talked to about it agree that it's a bit too much to lay on a kid and much too soon to say things like that in general since we are not even officially together... Maybe he thinks we are?! I think if I were a single mom I would be more like phineas and keep my children guarded in that respect. I do acknowledge however that every situation is unique and not all single parents are the same, so I am just taking things easy and enjoying getting to know him.
Author Lil1 Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 My current SO has two kids. I'm in my 40s and have no problem with it. In fact, I view it as a plus since I think his kids are great. My friend told me it's cool because I get a kid without having to go through the labor lol! I do like children (though at a certain age, maybe 9-12, I feel like I can't relate) and his little girl seems adorable!
Stung Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 My now-stepdaughter was six when I started dating my now-husband--I was 30 and he was 35. He had never been married to her mom, and her mom had been married to somebody else for four years. They had a slightly strained but amicable co-parenting relationship. My husband had his daughter three days out of every week, but I didn't meet her until after he and I had been talking for almost a year and dating very seriously for about 3 months. She did know about me, and I had sent her a postcard and he had showed her pictures of my cats because she loved animals and didn't have any pets. I never spoke to her on the phone until after I had met her in person, like most kids she was shy on the phone. We dated for another few months before he told her he loved me and wanted me to move in, and she was really excited. Partly she was excited because she liked me, but partly she was excited because she was going to get three cats . She's a great kid and I've lived with her almost half her life now. She has her own mom, of course, but she calls me one of her parents, and she absolutely adores her baby brother. When we got married, she was both best man and maid of honor, and she walked down the aisle holding our hands. These days our relationship with her mom is not as good, and sometimes the woman is a giant pain in the butt, but we just try to be adults about it for my stepdaughter's sake. We're a team, so I don't feel threatened by her, but she is now divorced and weirdly spiteful towards us, so dealing with her is not my favorite thing. I still think it's totally worth putting up with her shenanigans, though, for the great family I have. Anyway, I know other people who still have stellar relationships with the exes and babymama's. You just can't foresee everything. A single dad rushing his child's emotional attachment to somebody new would be a cause for concern, though.
orion1010 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 So I saw a thread about whether men would date single women with kids and it got me curious as to how the ladies feel about this issue - would you ladies date a single dad? I am talking to someone right now who has a 4 year old daughter, nothing serious yet but this is very new territory for me. My take on it so far is that as long as he is over all of his exes and there is no drama with baby mama then it's all good (we are both 29 btw)! I'd love to hear your thoughts ladies! I have never crossed that bridge yet but I wouldn't rule it out. I have no experience with children but if I really loved and respected the man I was with, I would love all of him. his family would be my family.. I would not let the children know me or meet me until we were in a exclusive ltr. this way i wouldn't get attached to the kids and they wouldn't get attached to me too soon. I would really be careful and take things much more slowly.
Author Lil1 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Posted June 22, 2011 LOL, well that was a very short lived experience that did not end well! So I was dating a guy that was my age but had 2 kids and lived 2 hours from me (we are both 29… actually he is turning 30 today). We met each other through mutual friends but I found out some things that led me to break things off with him. It turned out that he lied to me about his baby mama, he had told me they were broken up since 4 years ago and he barely speaks with her unless it’s regarding the kids. These were all lies lies lies and he is still hung up on her. Anyway, I just wanted to thank all of you who gave me your advice about dating 'single' men with kids, but it is definitely something I will not be doing again if I can help it. This whole experience was just insane for me, I mean, the guy introduced me to his entire family!! He was telling his kids they would love me as much as they love him someday for goodness sake!! My advice to any of you out there dating single parents is to MAKE SURE THEY ARE STILL NOT IN LOVE WITH THEIR BABY'S MOMMA/DADDY. Although quite frankly I don't think this will ever truly be the case... I think that people will always feel some kind of special connection to eachother once they have kids together. Now it's back to square one for me but this experience has definitely turned me off single dads, at least now I have first hand experience going down that rabbit hole !
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