will somebody he$p me !! I'm begging!

[missyhum1]

Please, I need help for the sake of my mental state, here’s the story

I knew him for years, before we got together we were mutual friends for about 5years. Later my mother passed away when I was 21 year old, that was a traumatic time in my life. At that time I graduated from college with my A.A. and had a good job. I was still living with my father and then 4 months after her passing, my ex and I got together. At first we had so much fun and were glued to one another 24/7. He was my closure and my comfort during that hard time with me losing my mother. However he had issues himself, he had 2 felonies and had gotten out a bad relationship. Prior to us getting together he was with his GF of many years; however she left him for another and got engaged while he was in jail. When he came home she was pregnant but was honest with him saying she did not know if he was the father or the other guy. Moving forward, we fell in love our first 3mos, and at the same time is ex GF gave birth and it was determine that he was the father. This is when the drama starts: she started to harass me and even though I did the right thing and told him to go with his family and just forgive her and try to work things out with her now that you know this is your child, he still said no that he wanted to be with me. After being with him for 5 months, he got arrested again another felony, and served 8mos in which I waited for him, after he came home we got engaged and everything was cool. But then he started to cheating on me with his baby momma. Then he left me for her because he got tired of me trying to change him and telling him what to do, like getting a job, don’t sell drugs, and to go to parole, boy that **** hurted so much during that time, because I was 2mos pregnant. She even attack me when I was 3mos pregnant. After, stupid me got back with him a month later then soon after he got locked up again. I did my whole pregnancy by myself and birth, he came home 3 days after our son was born. Then here I go trying to tell him to go to school or get a job but he wants to be a freaking rapper. After the constant arguing everyday about him doing the right thing he left me for 5 days and I did not know where he had gone. My son was only 2 week old and I had a c-section, come to find out he was with his ex that whole time. From febuarany 2011 to March 2011 he musta cheated on me like 5 times with this girl. It gets worst, his ex started to write me on facebook harassing me, calling my house block. I was really going through it. Then one time when he did not come home again, and the next day, I went to drop my son to him at his friends house in which he did not want to watch him at that time, but I was so tired and had to do some running around so I proceeded to leave him with his son, that’s when he attack me, beating me up real bad, so I called the cops, but they did not catch him, so he been staying at his ex’s house hiding for a week until I told the police his whereabouts and they caught him. His ex was so mad that she called ACS on me with false allegations. I told him and he was in deined saying she would never do that to his child. Now he in jail and when he first went to jail for the DV, he kept calling me saying I hurt him by putting him in jail but he still loves me, calling me his baby and just f###king with my head. I than said no more, and stop all contact from him, he had called me over 50 times from getting locked up to now. Now he is engaged with his ex, and she got his whole family against me and my son, and now she on FB bashing me, telling all my business. Now his family loves her and hate me. Which makes me feel so outcast. I been healing and doing good, the NC rule really works because now I can see and make better decisions. However now his family is contacting me about his things in which he knows I don’t have. He bout to come home, we live to close together. I feel the whole community is against me because I put him in jail. I’m so hurt because I did everything for this guy, I loved him unconditionally, I can’t even enjoy me graduating in 3 weeks for my B.A, I need uplifting advise not to leave him cause I already did that, put to keep moving strong. Please help me anybody!!! They all laughing at me, I know I’m a fool, and should had left long ago but I was just hoping things will get better.

 

ps,, grammer is so bad but i was in a rush,, sorry

[rayne05us]

OK, so....I just want to make sure I'm getting the key points.

 

1.) He beat you up

2.) He cheated on you at least 5 times

3.) His ex has been after since day one

4.) He's an ex convict

5.) He turned his whole family against you

6.) I'm sure I'm missing something else, so I'm gonna put down a number 6

 

No I understand that he was there for you during a very hard time, but does that mean you have to take on all of this??? This is ALOT!! From what you've written, you obviously still have some feelings for him, but what I want to first know is what you think you have done in your life to deserved to be treated like this??

[missyhum1]

thanks ryan,, i don't feel for him like i used to, i have so much resentment it's crazy, i could never see myself with him ever again, it dont hurt that we broke up and he's with another, it hurts the way it all played out, i so tired and wore out,, i don't want to challenge anymore.. i just want them to leave me alone. but it's hard to cope when they keep bothering me.

[Lilmisus]

Stay strong, if for no other reason than for your son.

 

Your best bet as of now though is to try to force him and his family out of your life. At least until he can get his s*** straight to where you can depend on him for child support and whatnot..which as of right now, it doesn't seem he can even pull that much for you.

 

But if you have anything of his that you think he may want or come at you for, give it up. Anything at all. It's not worth it, and it's easily replaceable, just remember that. Block his family on Facebook. Change your phone number if you have to. Tell them that you're done with the drama and that you are so much better than that (since you are) and to leave you the hell alone. You have all you ever needed from him - your son, and you don't want anything else until he's ready to man up and be the father your son deserves.

 

For now though, be the strong woman that I'm sure you are. Congratulations on graduating though! That's the first big step to the rest of your life, and with that you can go many places. Find a job if you don't have one. Ask your family and friends for support. Maybe even live with one of them for a while as you try to find a new place to live at that isn't anywhere near your ex and his family? Just to get you away from them.

 

But do this all for your son. He's your world now, even if his father is a piece of sh*t. Try to be happy for him, try to find a good father figure (not now, wait..) that he needs to have, and try to be the mother he needs. It will be hard, but I know women who have done it. Strong women, who I admire very much.

 

Your future is an incredibly bright one! Keep it that way and keep him out of your life as much as possible! You don't deserve what he has to give...trust me.

[RecordProducer]

Sweetheart, I know it hurts right now, and I don't even want to go into commenting on the details because they are so below your league (including your ex and his ex).

 

You said you're graduating in three weeks. You are a college educated person, an honorable citizen of this country, a good mom, and you should understand once and for all that you're above this scum who's been cheating on you. You have your beautiful son, you have your diploma, and you have a great future ahead of you. Stop thinking about the POS of your ex. He doesn't deserve to breathe the air you exhale. Very soon you will be over him (it may take a year or two, but it will end), and you should look for a decent person - one just like you.

[WillSingForFood]

Girl! You got this.

 

So a piece of scum came into your life and brought all his lousy baggage with him? So what? He gave you the gift of a beautiful baby boy.

 

You are soon to be a college graduate, focus on graduating and getting your BA and moving forward with your life. Dont let him bring you down since hes not worth it. You got this.

 

 

 

(And a tip for future posts ~ its easier to read when you have it broken up into paragraphs, and might help get you more responses)

[rayne05us]

OK, that's very good you don't want to be with him anymore. Well if you can't avoid them bothering you, don't feed any of it and eventually it will die down. Anger needs to be fueled you know? And when you hear negative things, consciously tell yourself that they don't know the whole story and some people just love drama. You know that no matter what anyone says that you are in a MUCH better place without him. You're freed of all this drama!!! I'm sure in a way it's kind of relieving. Because now you can focus on YOUR life instead of his drama!! After a while, it will feel amazing! You sound like you have alot going for you, don't let anyone get in the way of that ) Good Luck!!

[missyhum1]

Thanks, his family is getting on my nerves, they just keep bothering me, now is mother said that i'm stupid and a dumb mother for doing the thing for her son and now he's with another women. she also said that she does not like me no more, and she feels bad for my son because i'm a dumb mother. those words hurted so much and everytime i try to get better they do or say something to bring me down.

[Lilmisus]

Thanks, his family is getting on my nerves, they just keep bothering me, now is mother said that i'm stupid and a dumb mother for doing the thing for her son and now he's with another women. she also said that she does not like me no more, and she feels bad for my son because i'm a dumb mother. those words hurted so much and everytime i try to get better they do or say something to bring me down.

 

Look at what type of mother she is: HER son doesn't have too much of an education. Doesn't have a real job. Is a felon. He is an abuser. Has two kids with two different women who he can't make up his mind about. And the list probably goes on. He's a loser! A loser who you sadly fell for.

 

Don't take it personally when someone says that you're a bad mother when they clearly are a bad mother. You have a chance to give your son a great, happy, and bright future, something that she failed to give to HER son. Don't let her words bring you down. She's not worth it. Get her out of your life. You and your son don't need or deserve that from anyone, let alone your son's grandmother. Stay strong chica

[missyhum1]

thanks Lilmisus,, so far, i'm doing well, i still kept the no contact rule in effect, i just heard he just came home last week, and has been maybe calling me, since i have about 6 to 7 miss calls from his friends phone, but i have not pick up or called back. i had stay alway from where he hangs out. the crazy thin is that i found out when he came home he brought that bi%ch to my neighborhood, which is our neighborhood, however, i'm staying strong and doing good, as far as my son, i'm not ready to let him in our lives, i don't think that's wrong since me and him broke up in a really bad way,... what ya think? should i give it time until i let him in my son's life?

[Lilmisus]

thanks Lilmisus,, so far, i'm doing well, i still kept the no contact rule in effect, i just heard he just came home last week, and has been maybe calling me, since i have about 6 to 7 miss calls from his friends phone, but i have not pick up or called back. i had stay alway from where he hangs out. the crazy thin is that i found out when he came home he brought that bi%ch to my neighborhood, which is our neighborhood, however, i'm staying strong and doing good, as far as my son, i'm not ready to let him in our lives, i don't think that's wrong since me and him broke up in a really bad way,... what ya think? should i give it time until i let him in my son's life?

 

Definitely give it time. Not only for your own well being, but for your son's. Look at it this way: What kind of father figure do you want for your son to have? Is your ex anywhere close to being the type of father figure you want in your son's life, yet? Until he is at the very least trying to be that type of man for your son, he has no business being in his life. He's a mess right now, and you shouldn't put your son (even if he's only a baby) around a mess like that. It's not fair towards him, so wait. Even if he never has his (birth) father in his life, it'd be better than having the drama and a bad role model in his life.

 

But good for you for staying strong. You have the power to be extremely strong and not give in, though I know you probably wish things were different. Be the better person here, and be the mother your son needs, and the person you know you can be. You're doing great, so keep it up chica

[knathema]

Seems like a rough situation, but let's get this straight..

The key points:

1. He abused you

2. Ex-convict

3. Cheated

 

In my opinion, any of those above is a red flag, especially 1 and 3. You deserve so much better. You are about to graduate with a B.A and you got a bright future ahead of you, keep up the NC and stay away from him. I personally think that you shouldn't let him into your son's life yet. No offense, but he sounds like a loser to me. He convicted multiple felonies, he is in jail constantly, doesn't have a real job, and he abuses you? WTF! Stay away from him period. Get a restraining order if you have to. Do this for your son, stay away from him. Forget about this person, he's a mess. Your son needs a good role model, and his father is definitely not the person that he should look up to. Definitely give it time, stay strong and be successful, one day you'll look back and realize that you made the right choice. Good luck!

[Beeotch]

We've all played the fool in the past in some capacity....the good news is that today and everyday after is a new day and you can make the CHOICE to do better and be better.

 

While you suffered much at the hand of your ex and while you should do some introspection about why you stayed with him for so long....the point is, you know it was crazy and you have your life to live now for you and your child.

 

GET OFF FB! That is not doing you any good. If your ex, his fiance and their family want to be on there all day bashing you...DON'T give them more stuff to fuel the fire. Block and delete them all and take a break from it! They'll be the ones looking like idiots talking about you and your life everyday when you don't care about them. Change your telephone number if you need to.

 

While I don't necessarily advocate keeping your child away from its father, if this man is ruining your life, then as the mother you don't have to allow him to be a part of the child's life once he is keeping up this type of mess. Tell him that until he gets his act together and STOPS disrespecting you as the mom, then he won't see his child. Simple. All he is going to do is cause more drama and stress on that child.

 

If you can, you should move and have a fresh start away from this community and away from people who are "on his side", who aren't seeing the damage he is doing. Get away from ignorant people and the drama and make a clean break!

Edited June 1, 2011 by Beeotch

[MyHeartHurtsOuch]

This is a great chance for you to start your life over. and leave it OVER. start new...away from this person.

[missyhum1]

thanks Beeoth, yes, i block everyone that he deals with on FB, and i changed my number, as far as our child, i feels he's not ready to be in his life and as much as i do want to let him in his life because this is the important times (baby first everything) i feel once i let him in the drama with start again, because she will always feels insecure because he is a cheater. when they were together in the past he cheating on her many times, now knowing he has a child with me, she will go crazier, and with that drama, i'm still healing to be handling all of that..

[missyhum1]

We've all played the fool in the past in some capacity....the good news is that today and everyday after is a new day and you can make the CHOICE to do better and be better.

 

While you suffered much at the hand of your ex and while you should do some introspection about why you stayed with him for so long....the point is, you know it was crazy and you have your life to live now for you and your child.

 

GET OFF FB! That is not doing you any good. If your ex, his fiance and their family want to be on there all day bashing you...DON'T give them more stuff to fuel the fire. Block and delete them all and take a break from it! They'll be the ones looking like idiots talking about you and your life everyday when you don't care about them. Change your telephone number if you need to.

 

While I don't necessarily advocate keeping your child away from its father, if this man is ruining your life, then as the mother you don't have to allow him to be a part of the child's life once he is keeping up this type of mess. Tell him that until he gets his act together and STOPS disrespecting you as the mom, then he won't see his child. Simple. All he is going to do is cause more drama and stress on that child.

 

If you can, you should move and have a fresh start away from this community and away from people who are "on his side", who aren't seeing the damage he is doing. Get away from ignorant people and the drama and make a clean break!

thanks Beeoth, yes, i block everyone that he deals with on FB, and i changed my number, as far as our child, i feels he's not ready to be in his life and as much as i do want to let him in his life because this is the important times (baby first everything) i feel once i let him in the drama with start again, because she will always feels insecure because he is a cheater. when they were together in the past he cheating on her many times, now knowing he has a child with me, she will go crazier, and with that drama, i'm still healing to be handling all of that..

[missyhum1]

Look at what type of mother she is: HER son doesn't have too much of an education. Doesn't have a real job. Is a felon. He is an abuser. Has two kids with two different women who he can't make up his mind about. And the list probably goes on. He's a loser! A loser who you sadly fell for.

 

Don't take it personally when someone says that you're a bad mother when they clearly are a bad mother. You have a chance to give your son a great, happy, and bright future, something that she failed to give to HER son. Don't let her words bring you down. She's not worth it. Get her out of your life. You and your son don't need or deserve that from anyone, let alone your son's grandmother. Stay strong chica

thanks, yes his mother is a old lady that lived her life in despair, but now he is home, and i been doing great, but i been feeling down ever since he came home last week. and i saw pictures of him, his family, and her in six flags, or memorial day. what hurts is that i feel that they are happy and me and my son was left for dead. i know what i'm feeling is a faze but it's hurting and it's bothering me,, uggh! i wish it wasn't..

[Lilmisus]

thanks, yes his mother is a old lady that lived her life in despair, but now he is home, and i been doing great, but i been feeling down ever since he came home last week. and i saw pictures of him, his family, and her in six flags, or memorial day. what hurts is that i feel that they are happy and me and my son was left for dead. i know what i'm feeling is a faze but it's hurting and it's bothering me,, uggh! i wish it wasn't..

 

God, I hate seeing my ex and seeing that he's happy..especially with his new girlfriend. Hated it even more when he basically yelled at me "I'm happy now, you should be happy for me" then more calmly said "not that I wasn't happy with you..." Slap in the face much?

 

Point is, seeing an ex happy without you, sucks like crazy, for everybody. You are not alone by any means. It feels horrible to feel like you're easily replaceable and forgettable, especially considering that your son is in the picture. Just remember..people pose for pictures. They yell "cheese!" before it's taken for a reason. They go to amusement parks to brighten up their days and their lives, and to find some amusement. Doesn't mean he's 100% happy and that he's forgotten you and your son completely. Just means, that for a moment in time, or for a few hours, he slapped a smile on his face, and decided to try to be happy. Just know, that it wont last..not with the path that he's on. You have the power to find true happiness..him, not so much. You have the upper hand here, use it!

[missyhum1]

We've all played the fool in the past in some capacity....the good news is that today and everyday after is a new day and you can make the CHOICE to do better and be better.

 

While you suffered much at the hand of your ex and while you should do some introspection about why you stayed with him for so long....the point is, you know it was crazy and you have your life to live now for you and your child.

 

GET OFF FB! That is not doing you any good. If your ex, his fiance and their family want to be on there all day bashing you...DON'T give them more stuff to fuel the fire. Block and delete them all and take a break from it! They'll be the ones looking like idiots talking about you and your life everyday when you don't care about them. Change your telephone number if you need to.

 

While I don't necessarily advocate keeping your child away from its father, if this man is ruining your life, then as the mother you don't have to allow him to be a part of the child's life once he is keeping up this type of mess. Tell him that until he gets his act together and STOPS disrespecting you as the mom, then he won't see his child. Simple. All he is going to do is cause more drama and stress on that child.

 

If you can, you should move and have a fresh start away from this community and away from people who are "on his side", who aren't seeing the damage he is doing. Get away from ignorant people and the drama and make a clean break!

thanks Beeoth, yes, i block everyone that he deals with on FB, and i changed my number, as far as our child, i feels he's not ready to be in his life and as much as i do want to let him in his life because this is the important times (baby first everything) i feel once i let him in the drama with start again, because she will always feels insecure because he is a cheater. when they were together in the past he cheating on her many times, now knowing he has a child with me, she will go crazier, and with that drama, i'm still healing to be handling all of that..

[missyhum1]

God, I hate seeing my ex and seeing that he's happy..especially with his new girlfriend. Hated it even more when he basically yelled at me "I'm happy now, you should be happy for me" then more calmly said "not that I wasn't happy with you..." Slap in the face much?

 

Point is, seeing an ex happy without you, sucks like crazy, for everybody. You are not alone by any means. It feels horrible to feel like you're easily replaceable and forgettable, especially considering that your son is in the picture. Just remember..people pose for pictures. They yell "cheese!" before it's taken for a reason. They go to amusement parks to brighten up their days and their lives, and to find some amusement. Doesn't mean he's 100% happy and that he's forgotten you and your son completely. Just means, that for a moment in time, or for a few hours, he slapped a smile on his face, and decided to try to be happy. Just know, that it wont last..not with the path that he's on. You have the power to find true happiness..him, not so much. You have the upper hand here, use it!

Yeah it do sucks, especially when is don’t put no better efforts in reaching out to his son. However I knew before he came out that this was going to happen and that I was going to be alittle hurt no matter how strong I became during NC and his time in jail. So I was more prepared for it. I know it’s a faze that I’m feeling, it’s so crazy how he can jump right into a relationship with someone else especially her! But I know as you said it’s just a moment in time, he don’t focus on the future neither do her, they both live by the day, with him- because he has 3 felonies, no education, no job experiences, no income, own child support on his first child and about to start paying on my child when I claim it soon, wants to be a rapper, smokes weed. With her- has a 7.50$ an hour job, live in the projects where the government pays most and she pays 30%, on welfare, drop out of college, owns thousands of college loads, smokes weed, never has money always borrowing from family, mentally unstable. All of those statemnet are facts about these two people, they don’t think about the future they settle on what a day offer them. Even if he wanted to change and get a job, I know him, he really wants to be a rapper and he feels if he get a job he won’t have time to do his music, the type of job that is quantify for him won’t even pay him enough to survive in this crazy world and he will start selling drugs again like he always does. I’m just waiting because every time he comes out of jail he always do this I’m doing good thing for 2 to 3 weeks then after he goes back to his old ways, so imma sit back and wait for their little happiness fade away…