neverendingdrama Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I have ran this past some co workers and friends , not sure what to do. I have a few hours to figure it out because I need to request the time off today before I leave work or it is a no - go. Will make it short with hopefully enough detail to get some feedback. Was dating a person who must have had something going on. BP or a sociopath ( I don't know ). He could be the most loving caring person and than snap into a wack job. Found this out in October after we moved in together earlier that year. Long story short , he was manipulative and started being abusive. Never having had that , I never saw the signs ( like I see in the after math ) . It was " I am sorry it will never happen again " routine. Every incident got worse. I guess because I was screaming back and pushing back , I saw it as equal fighting , not abuse. I am 5'9 , he is 6'4 , outweighs me quite a bit. In January we got into our worst fight ever. Lots of screaming and pushing him to get away. He choked me and punched me to the ground. I called police and they took ME to the er than jail. He lied to the police and said he was defending himself. I lived 2 months of hell afterwards. Took one week of vaca from work to sleep on a friends couch because I couldn't go home per HIS restraining order being the " victim". The injustice I felt was insurmountable. Case was dismissed and closed. He moved a few things out of the house and I will never figure out why , but we were trying to work things out. Duh me , I know. He came over one night and started the same **** . When he left I called the cops. He was later arrested for DV and went to jail for a day. Plead not guilty. Meanwhile I got a new house and moved out. There was a restraining order so I felt safe he wouldn't find me . When he came back to remove the remaining items he had there was not much left. I " cleaned house " so to speak legally. I was already gone. Moving forward there is a court date coming up. Legally I don't have to show up. If I don't the case will be dismissed. If I do most likely he will be charged. I am dreading even seeing his face after what he put me through. That is probably the topper. Part of me wants him to get the one year probation and deal with the classes and think of my face everytime he does. Than I dout myself and think , why do I care . What good will this do ? He will never be in my life again and I dout he will change. I personally don't have to deal with it ever again from him. He can ( and apparently from what I found out while we were " working things out" ) has moved on to his next " victim girl " , whom I feel sorry for. This is a vaca day , maybe 2 ( if there is a jury ) and they are slim pickins right now because I work in finance and took so much time during a really busy season back in Jan. Would you blow it off or go ?
ShatteredReality Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Go. The court ordered anger management classes may help the next girl in the future. Reality says that she could be smaller than you and not fight back and he could wind up killing her. If you have to take something for anxiety before hand do it - get your Dr to order you something or get something natural like Kava Root or something - then document that you had to take something simply in order to show up and be in the same vicinity as him.
betterdeal Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 It's your call. By going you can put an end to the sorry tale by showing him that you will not back down and you will use the law to defend yourself. This is not being aggressive; it is being assertive and making use of the tools that society deems fit to help us feel safe and live in peace. And as SR has said, it can help to change him for the better. If you can, go with someone you can trust and who is level-headed as support for you. I recommend you look into getting help for yourself too (doctor, psychotherapy, counselling). With a conviction against him you may have a better chance of getting him to pay for any professional help you need to recover, although again, talk to a professional (a lawyer) about this after the court hearing.
Sassygirl2 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I would go because you would be helping him in a round about way. He needs help and if he doesn't get it, he may do this to someone else in the future. It would be the right thing to do. Take a friend with you for support.
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