lenny Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 So more and more, during our conversations (and joking around), he brings up marriage. He's not bringing it up seriously (like a proposal or giving a definite timeline) or anything but somehow its brought up a lot. He's 35 and I'm 38. He hasn't been in very many long term relationships and I was off and on with my ex (just common-law, not actually married) from the ages of 17 to 34. Marriage does mean more to him than it does me. I am a little more used to dating guys that have a bit of committment phobia so am more used to the "M" word being avoided like the plague. The guy is a bit of a joker though so at first I never thought too much of it but I'm starting to get the feeling he's a bit serious. The thing is, we've only been together for 9 months. How can anyone know if they want to get married so soon? How long on average do people date before they decide to take that step?
Cee Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I think the time varies, but 9 months doesn't sound too soon to me. In fact, it sounds perfect for me personally. Although I've never been engaged so it's a hypothetical on my part. What's most important is how you feel about him. If you think, 9 months is too soon, you might want to reflect on whether you want a future with him. I would say most couples "know" within a year of dating if they are "the one."
Confusedalways Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 My boyfriend jokingly, although somewhat serious brings up the topic of marriage fairly regularly, and we have only been together for ~7 or 8 months. I think when it feels right, it just feels right FWIW two of my friends [aged 24 and 26] became engaged after about 4 months.... they are dead set that there is no use 'wasting time' when everything is so right. They just bought a house together. The point is, basing everyone else's thoughts to yours may not work. Obviously you're uncomfortable with the subject- may be time for a talk?
ladyinlimbo Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 I don't think 9 months of being in a relationship is too soon to know if the person you're with is someone you want to marry and make a lifetime commitment to. That's a fairly good chunk of time to have seen each other at their best and at their worst; dealing with good times and bad. It's enough time for the honeymoon phase to have ended and 'real life' to have taken hold.......and for them to have come to the determination that you're someone they could see a real future with. Obviously you 2 should maybe have a talk. If marriage isn't something you're into or interested in and he is, this needs to be discussed, out of fairness to him. If you have different viewpoints and thoughts on commitment/marriage, it needs to be laid out on the table........probably should have been quite some time ago.
Author lenny Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 I am madly in love with my guy and hope to spend the rest of my life with him. I am not opposed to marrying the guy and feel that is where I would want to be in a few years time. We have talked seriously about our feeling regarding marriage. It's not like I have no respect for it and never want to be married, but I don't need that piece of paper to trust in our relationship where I think he does. I want to get married but once in my lifetime and forever. I can wait to make sure I find that person ... and I do believe my guy is him. That being said, although I do know him very well, I still don't think I know him well enough to make a lifetime commitment to him. We are moving in together at the end of this month and it's pretty exciting. We really waited a lot longer than we wanted to take this step - jumping into an engagement right away seems a bit rushed.
sagetalk Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 The thing is, we've only been together for 9 months. Doesn't sound soon to me. Your engagement would probably last 6 to 9 more months, that's almost dating two years. How long do you want to wait? I think some of that commitment phobia rubbed off on you. At any rate, marriage is serious, make sure you want to die with him at your side.
lovingADove Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Seems to me that, you aren't very comfortable ... with this man ... yet. Some people at a certain age are more interested in marriage than the perfection of a relationship (which in my mind is an utopia). The 'perfect person' to marry doesn't exist .. and holding off, just waiting for that perfection ... is really a dangerous game to play. What do you mean, when you said "he is too serious"? Shouldn't people be serious in their relationship with one another?
DreamerGirl27 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I am old fashioned. If a guy isn't talking marriage within the first few weeks of meeting me, I get turned off. I really wanna get married, though.
lovingADove Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 A few weeks? like ... what would be "few weeks"? 4? 10? 20 weeks? I am old fashioned. If a guy isn't talking marriage within the first few weeks of meeting me, I get turned off. I really wanna get married, though.
chuckles11 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 (edited) I am old fashioned. If a guy isn't talking marriage within the first few weeks of meeting me, I get turned off. I really wanna get married, though. That's not old fashioned at all....You're joking, right? Edited May 15, 2011 by chuckles11
DreamerGirl27 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Yes, it is. If a guy wasn't talking marriage right away in the "olden days"...girls moved on.
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