Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 You ARE going to stay together though, right? Regardless of whether you get married or not, right?
jerbear Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 run don't walk, this guy is looking for a green card. i've seen it a hundred times in the indian/asian community So true, some in the Asian community offer money just to get the green card. One offered 30k and I said why get 30k only to lose more than 15k during the divorce.
Author tigressA Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 You ARE going to stay together though, right? Regardless of whether you get married or not, right? Right. If he were just in it for one thing he would've continued to press the issue even after I told him no when he asked (almost a month ago). He's never made me feel uncomfortable about it, never pressured me. We've been talking about it to feel each other out more on where we each stand, and the gist is that he feels it would make things easier for us. I do agree on that point because it is true, but the fact that it's presumably a lifetime contract gives me pause so early in our relationship. He has been having a little trouble understanding what exactly I feel would change between us, but he accepts that I just don't want to get married right now.
OliveOyl Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 The other issue is... how well do you really know him? In my opinion: Four months is long enough to know you love each other, that you want to make it work, that you are committed. However, some things about another person take a lot longer than 4 months to surface. How the person reacts under certain types of stresses. Addictions may not be apparent until many months later. Etc., etc. For that reason alone, and especially if you are in your 20s when lots of change tends to happen... I would wait. No need to rush. Getting into a marriage is sooo much easier than getting out.
RecordProducer Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Where is he from? If you don't want to answer directly, you can just provide whether he's from a developed country (Australia, NZ, UK, France, Japan, etc.) or a 2nd world country (mostly Eastern Europe) or a poor country. This is important as to his motivation to marry you so soon. I certainly don't want to stay where we're at for another 8 years, and always have to go where he's approved to go if I want to be with him. If he gets permanent residency we can have much more freedom when it comes to charting our life path together. I am sorry, I am not understanding why he needs to be approved to move within the US, unless you're talking about traveling outside the US which also shouldn't be a problem because he would be admissible upon return under his employment visa. By the way, what visa does he have? I am assuming it's either H-1B or H-2B. And why 8 years before he can adjust his status?
Star Gazer Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Where is he from? If you don't want to answer directly, you can just provide whether he's from a developed country (Australia, NZ, UK, France, Japan, etc.) or a 2nd world country (mostly Eastern Europe) or a poor country. This is important as to his motivation to marry you so soon. I am sorry, I am not understanding why he needs to be approved to move within the US, unless you're talking about traveling outside the US which also shouldn't be a problem because he would be admissible upon return under his employment visa. By the way, what visa does he have? I am assuming it's either H-1B or H-2B. And why 8 years before he can adjust his status? Hi RP!!!!!!!
alphamale Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 beware, these indian guys from overseas are very crafty and know all the ins an outs of US immigration
Els Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I agree, it's too soon, you're too young. You've only been dating less than a year if I'm correct??? Far, far too soon IMO. Many couples haven't even gotten out of honeymoon phase at that stage.
Sanman Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 beware, these indian guys from overseas are very crafty and know all the ins an outs of US immigration :rolleyes: While she may not be ready for marriage and rightfully so does not mean every non-citizen has a nefarious plan. The guy may just like her and see things differently. Hope you can work it out Tigress.
RovingReporter Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I'm always relieved when two weirdos fall in love lessening the chances of a normal person getting burned.
alexlakeman Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Also, we've only been together for about 4 months. I remember just a few months ago you had posted a thread about the first dates you were having at the time... I remember one guy having a Vette, I think (I'm a guy, I remember those things, lol).. anyway, is this that guy or one of those candidates? I was going to say it just seemed the other day you were dating... way too soon to get married, I would say most would've said "way too soon to move in together", but what do I know... Green card, moved in together within 4 months, wants marriage... Come on , the writting is on the wall.. He's in it for himself.. Can you guarantee yourself he is NOT with you for his green card? What country is he from? At four months, you don't know a person, sorry to say.. What about your career? Are you in school or? What were you goals in your career / life (house, etc) before you met him and he said marriage and having to relocate with him where he went? What about YOUR career? You are going to be dependent on him?
Star Gazer Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I remember just a few months ago you had posted a thread about the first dates you were having at the time... I remember one guy having a Vette, I think (I'm a guy, I remember those things, lol).. anyway, is this that guy or one of those candidates? I was going to say it just seemed the other day you were dating... way too soon to get married, I would say most would've said "way too soon to move in together", but what do I know... You're right about it being very new and recent, and I fear TA is attributing a lengthier relationship than it really is. I just looked, and he sent her his first message via OKC on February 1, and they became a couple on February 23. They won't have even "known" each other for 4 months until the beginning of June.
Joe Normal Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 If you have to ask yourself this, then you are not ready to be married IMO. If you really wanted to be married this guy, you would have said "yes" without hesitating.
utterer of lies Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I really disagree with this bit. If I divorce my H, he will be thrown out of the country. That's a similar situation to the one that TigressA would be in. It would put a HUGE strain on an already very difficult situation should they ever end up in a situation of potential divorce. This might be, but it doesn't contradict what I said at all. It even reinforces it.
Author tigressA Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 We talked about it a lot and it's been worked out. I had already made my decision to not marry him--certainly not now, perhaps not ever, since I don't really desire marriage. He's fine with it. We both agreed that our discussions of late have been excessively serious and putting a damper on the relationship, so we've put it all on a very distant back-burner and just gone back to having fun like we're supposed to at this point.
dispatch3d Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 you can make a decision to move to california in 30 seconds? Holy crap! That decision would take me like 2 weeks. I agree it can be pretty painful to breakup if you are married. It's also a large commitment. I don't think there is a way to get married and not have the same kind of legal crap going on with him still getting a green card (make a shareholder agreement haha?). Anyhow, do you have to make this decision now? Is there some pressing reason to marry him? I'd probably figure out what I thought was best and then take that option when the time was right/if things went wrong.
Author tigressA Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 We talked about it a lot and it's been worked out. I had already made my decision to not marry him--certainly not now, perhaps not ever, since I don't really desire marriage. He's fine with it. We both agreed that our discussions of late have been excessively serious and putting a damper on the relationship, so we've put it all on a very distant back-burner and just gone back to having fun like we're supposed to at this point. I'm quoting this post that I made a couple posts up. There's no issue anymore, so there's really no point in continuing to respond to the thread. Thanks for your contribution though, dispatch3d.
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