WiselyNaive Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Well today makes exactly 8 weeks NC for me , neither of us ever attempted to break it...but i must admit i am becoming "weak" i have finals coming up and i can honestly say im stressed , ive lost hair , my eating & sleeping patterns have changed but i am still not certain if its a result of the break up or to school i havent seen my ex since the break up due to distance but in less than a month i will be returning home and i know that i will most likely see him. when i get home it will be about 3 months on the dot since we ended i know the general consensus is never break NC no matter what you will just have to start over blah blah blah which is true & i have experienced this and i know how awful it is to have to restart nc every month and get no where losing a little more dignity each time (previous ex) which is why ive been so different about this break up.. but i feel like im going to initiate contact, for myself because i NEED some sort of closure...ive been thinking about it and i decided im going to put some serious thought into it...im approaching 60 days and ive seen post where that seems to be a significant day in nc (IS IT?) i also want to know what im in for when i return home i have planned a process to break nc...before i even get close to doing it...with my first ex i jus did it spontaneously this im trying to organize, before i do this i told my self i will -write a list of everything bad ive felt since the break up all my thoughts on what he has done since and the stuff ive found out he has done during, i will keep reading this list...and knowing me that list would be enough to make me break nc crying on the phone so next -point out how many of those are assumptions and make a similar assumption that favors my feelings instead of hurts them -give my self 2-3 days to reflect on those lists, trying not to be one sided by convincing my self my ex hates me for all the bad stuff he did or that he misses me when looking at the good assumptions..the point of this is to get me as close to 50 as possible...no false hope..no negativity , just neutral -write a draft letter of everything id like to say to my ex and ask my ex -read this letter and think about how i would respond..and find either 1 person i can confide in to read it to or come share it on this forum if after all that i am not discouraged and i still want to initiate contact i will shoot him an email/text asking for him to call me when he has the chance so we ca talk...that way if he calls at least ill know he has interest in speaking about it since he would have to put effort..also since the calls would be free on his end ..you know..lol....one of my biggest concerns are since i havent been keeping tabs i will find out my ex has a new gf which no matter how i try to prepare myself for WILL crush me , also that he doesn't respond...i also feel like i must do this soon so my mind can be somewhat clear for finals...but i'm going to try and prolong this process as long as possible...it could take me two weeks to do all that stuff..and the longer i make it the more time i have to think...i may completely discourage myself from breaking nc during this process as well , im just trying to do whats best for ME.
Jono85 Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 you don't need him for closure, you can get past this on your own. you will regret contacting him if that's what you end up doing. furthermore it seems he did some bad things clearly and didn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated...do you really expect him to just own up to everything, and even if that happens then what?... be strong, keep your pride, don't give him an ego boost, stay in NC.
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