getsback Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 My fiance left me a couple of months ago. I know she isn't ever coming back, she explained this to me in no uncertain terms. My head tells me I need to move on as I no there is no chance of us even being friends. I mean, its at the point where she won't even speak to me anymore. But for some reason, I just can't. Ill go a couple of days where I accept its over and I'm never going to see her again. Ill plan out my life and where it is going to take me. But then I find myself thinking "if I contact her in a couple of months, she will have realised how much she loves me and we can sort all this out" I know I can't think like this, because it will stop me from moving on fully. I know in my head if I do contact her in a couple of months, she will just reply out of politeness. That will give me false hope, ill start to persue her again and when she knocks me back ill be back to square one. Its strange but how ever many times she tells me she dosnt love me anymore, I just can't accept it. It makes no sense when in my head I know she means it. Its a horrible feeling. As I said, its been two months and I still feel just as bad as day 1. I have a lot of friends and I'm quite social. But this is all just too much for me to cope with. How do you get your head and your heart to let go and accept you are never going to see this person again?
Fufu Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Everyone moves on differently and on their own paces. For myself, I start moving on when I get my routine back in life. Like, wake up for work, use computer, meet my friends, dinner with family. Took up a new language to learn, started playing more sports and stuffs. For me, I don't plan to contact my ex, reason being, I wasn't the one who let go of him, he did. So, I won't do the initiative. I've done what I could in this relationship, he lets me go, his choice. My personal choice of my life is to move on and forward with my life. And I always believe it all starts from your mind. If you think you can't move on, you really can't move on. if you start telling yourself you can move on, you can do better in life, you can forget the pain. You will move on and forget the pain.
sandman223 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I know how you feel. I wasn't engaged, but it was heading in that direction. When my ex broke up with me, she told me that it would just be too hard to talk to me, so we shouldn't even speak. I have broke NC a couple of times, and she always responds very quickly, but just reaffirms what she told me when she broke up with me. Its tough to take, and I have good times and not so good times, but it is to be expected. Our exes were such big parts of our lives for such a long time. I am of the impression that even if they say things like it will never work out, that doesn't necessarily mean that. I am not saying to continue with the hope that you will get back together though. You need to try to move on with the idea that it is over for good (because it probably is). However life is funny and you never know what the future holds. Keep strong, I know exactly how you feel.
Author getsback Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 I know how you feel. I wasn't engaged, but it was heading in that direction. When my ex broke up with me, she told me that it would just be too hard to talk to me, so we shouldn't even speak. I have broke NC a couple of times, and she always responds very quickly, but just reaffirms what she told me when she broke up with me. Its tough to take, and I have good times and not so good times, but it is to be expected. Our exes were such big parts of our lives for such a long time. I am of the impression that even if they say things like it will never work out, that doesn't necessarily mean that. I am not saying to continue with the hope that you will get back together though. You need to try to move on with the idea that it is over for good (because it probably is). However life is funny and you never know what the future holds. Keep strong, I know exactly how you feel. Thanks, I'm glad someone knows what I'm talking about. Its a strange feeling. I suppose its all part of the process. I just can't seem to accept the end, even though in my head I know full well it is. I think its different for us men. No matter how hard things get, we have a better ability to just forgive and forget problems. Where's with women, if they have been hurt, they never forget. Once they lose faith in a men, there is no way back.
sandman223 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Thanks, I'm glad someone knows what I'm talking about. Its a strange feeling. I suppose its all part of the process. I just can't seem to accept the end, even though in my head I know full well it is. I think its different for us men. No matter how hard things get, we have a better ability to just forgive and forget problems. Where's with women, if they have been hurt, they never forget. Once they lose faith in a men, there is no way back. At the same time, I have heard that its more finite when a woman breaks it off. My ex was pretty stubborn and felt that there was nothing that I (or we) could do now that her feelings had "changed." I always think that you can work on something, or at least give it a try. What was so hard for me was that my ex never approached me about any underlying problems and let me believe everything was perfect until she laid the hammer down.
Author getsback Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 At the same time, I have heard that its more finite when a woman breaks it off. My ex was pretty stubborn and felt that there was nothing that I (or we) could do now that her feelings had "changed." I always think that you can work on something, or at least give it a try. What was so hard for me was that my ex never approached me about any underlying problems and let me believe everything was perfect until she laid the hammer down. Yeah same here, my ex is literally the most stubborn person I have ever met. Once she decided it was over, that was it. She refused to see me to even talk it over. She refused to answer so much as even a phone call. She always said when we were together, that she takes her time with decisions in life, but once she makes her mind up about something there is no going back. I always thought it was such a great quailty......untill she used the same process to end our relationship!
sandman223 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Yeah same here, my ex is literally the most stubborn person I have ever met. Once she decided it was over, that was it. She refused to see me to even talk it over. She refused to answer so much as even a phone call. She always said when we were together, that she takes her time with decisions in life, but once she makes her mind up about something there is no going back. I always thought it was such a great quailty......untill she used the same process to end our relationship! This sounds very similar to my situation. When she ended it she said it wouldn't be a good idea to talk for a long time, so I didn't even get the chance to implement NC myself. I feel that our exes' viewpoints are very immature, but what can you do? Is someone that cannot share their true feelings with you and is unwilling to work on an issue when it arises someone you want to be with in the long run? Probably not, but sometimes its hard to get your heart to feel that way.
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