ate_the_paint Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 In love and in war, there are certain fundamental rules that govern everything. These are not rules written by man, but are more like the rules of physics, where every action has an opposite and equal reaction. For instance, in war, it is a fact that an enemy who is surrounded will eventually have to surrender or die, as he will run out of food, water, ammunition, etc... There is no other recourse possible, thus most of military operations involve attempting to surround the opponent's units. Love also has similar governing rules, from the initial attraction to the comfort of long-established relationships to the pain and trauma of breakups. For instance, if you are covered in mud, are wearing the dirtiest, rattiest clothes, haven't washed in weeks, are missing teeth and smell really bad, the rules governing attraction state that you will spend your evenings alone (unless you pay for certain services, but even then...) The rules governing breakups are equally as inflexible. Whether you are man or woman, young or old, if you have recently had your heart broken you are definitely in a state of utter confusion. You're not sure if you're reading hidden meaning in messages right or if your recently departed ex is maybe just the confused one and will come running back or, in many cases, you might not even be sure if you've broken up! Here is the first rule of breakups: if you're significant other left you, you're broken up. At this point you're saying to yourself "Well maybe for others, but MY circumstances are different!" Trust the people here on LS: your circumstances are not that different. You have been dumped. The fact that you are even reading the LS breakup forums is a sure sign! All that confusion and foggy thinking which accompanies having your heart broken constitutes the second rule of breakups. Its like a law of nature that you will be completely shell shocked for a while. For how long? Well, that's variable, but again, the fact that you are here means you currently temporarily insane from heartache. The point of knowing the second rule is this: While in the fog, you are analyzing every detail of every word your ex uttered and every action your ex made, looking for hidden messages, as if though he/she were some wizard laying out a clever riddle for you to solve. You're probably even scheming and plotting to win him/her back and/or show them how much better you are. Well, it's all natural to do, but remember the second rule: you're in a shell-shocked state right now and not quite with it. Your ex isn't a clever wizard and nothing you say or do will change their mind. And definitely DON'T make any major decisions while in this state!!! The third rule is a pretty universal one, which applies not only to breakups but pretty much to all of life: don't grovel or beg or stalk or write or call or harass. This not only makes the target of your attentions look poorly upon you, but you denigrate yourself in a very demeaning way. Have some self-control and, with it, some dignity. Dignity leads us to the fourth rule: maintain your dignity. All future actions and choices you make and opportunities that come your way will be based off the dignity you maintain now. Burned bridges are hard rebuild under fire. These four governing rules of breakups are why LS members constantly stress No Contact. You are broken up, you are shell-shocked, you shouldn't demean yourself and you should keep your human dignity (a universal right enshrined by the UN, by the way). No Contact is the means to these ends, and is the best way to help you sail as smoothly as possible through the rules that govern our broken hearts.
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