Little Bird Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I was messaging back and forth with an interesting guy from a dating website and we exchanged info a couple of months ago. However, right after that I was facing an overwhelming amount of work at school (graduating year) and worked part time and was dealing with a lot of personal and family problems. I was so stressed out with no time to deal with things. All those things took priority over internet dating, and dating in general, so I disabled my account/profile and stopped responding to all messages from anyone. I kind of flaked out on that one guy though, because we had many detailed online messages and I liked him, but I had no time to date at all, so I just stopped. I've somewhat dealt with my personal stuff and finished school, and have time to date now, and I'd like to message the guy again, but it's been over 2 months since we last corresponded. Is it too late? All I really want to do is to message him, apologize and explain why I flaked out so he knows it wasn't personal. Even if he's not interested anymore, I'm fine with that, but I feel bad, and feel like I owe him a courtesy explanation.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Give it a shot, sure. Don't present yourself as a total basket case, just give a brief explanation and be sure to emphasize how interesting you found him. And then he'll either say "I'm so glad you wrote" or "No thanks." Done deal.
Little Bird Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Ok, I'll give it a try. I don't want to come off all guilty sounding, because I do feel guilty about it. I don't want it to come off too pathetic, either. Online dating is trickier than I thought it would be.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Why do you feel guilty? Do you normally feel you "owe" strangers? You did what you needed to do - you prioritized your needs and situation over someone you never met. That's healthy - good for you. Now that you're in a better place, contact him and see what he says. If he was really interested and still is, I'm sure he'll be delighted to hear from you and be understanding. And, if he's not, then he's not a good match anyway I would guess.
Little Bird Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Why do you feel guilty? Do you normally feel you "owe" strangers? I often have the problem where I'm too sympathetic to people, even if I don't know them well or at all. I'm also too concerned with what people think of me. I feel like I owe him an explanation. Mostly it bothers me that someone is walking around thinking I'm rude, so maybe I just need to explain myself so he doesn't think I'm a flake, even if he's lost interest. I don't how much of this is motivated by interest in the guy or my need to redeem myself.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I don't how much of this is motivated by interest in the guy or my need to redeem myself. That is remarkably self aware, and a good question to ask yourself. Let's assume he does respond and wants to set up a date for this weekend. How does that make you feel?
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 So hold on, did you actually go out with him at all? Or just sent messages back and forth? I would just message him and say "hi, how's it going, it's been awhile, didn't mean to flake like that just had some things to take care of" or something along those lines.
green_tea Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Why do you feel guilty? Do you normally feel you "owe" strangers? They may be strangers, but they are still people. I understand that the OP was under a lot of pressure etc. But when you've had quite a few emails with someone, I think it is just good manners to let them know that you have to drop everything, goodbye & good luck.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 They may be strangers, but they are still people. I understand that the OP was under a lot of pressure etc. But when you've had quite a few emails with someone, I think it is just good manners to let them know that you have to drop everything, goodbye & good luck. I agree that it's good manners, but assigning yourself guilt about it when you don't even know how it affected the other person seems like an unnecessary exercise in self-punishment, personally.
TheLoneSock Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 (edited) I was messaging back and forth with an interesting guy from a dating website and we exchanged info a couple of months ago. However, right after that I was facing an overwhelming amount of work at school (graduating year) and worked part time and was dealing with a lot of personal and family problems. I was so stressed out with no time to deal with things. All those things took priority over internet dating, and dating in general, so I disabled my account/profile and stopped responding to all messages from anyone. I kind of flaked out on that one guy though, because we had many detailed online messages and I liked him, but I had no time to date at all, so I just stopped. I've somewhat dealt with my personal stuff and finished school, and have time to date now, and I'd like to message the guy again, but it's been over 2 months since we last corresponded. Is it too late? All I really want to do is to message him, apologize and explain why I flaked out so he knows it wasn't personal. Even if he's not interested anymore, I'm fine with that, but I feel bad, and feel like I owe him a courtesy explanation. You could try, and you may get lucky and he is still interested. I wouldn't count on it though. If he is any kind of catch not only will he have enough self respect to turn you down after flaking on him like that, but he will be preoccupied with better prospects as well. If I'm ever flaked on I write that person off for good. Not out of spite, just out of of common sense and self respect. Does this guy possess common sense and self respect? Guess we'll see! Edit: Oh, and yes as others have stated, don't feel guilty about this. Sh*t happens, life calls, it's ok. Just don't go in with any expectations. Edited May 13, 2011 by TheLoneSock
Jimmyson Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 It is pointless dwelling on it I would say give it your best shot at explaining it to him hopefully (I hope for your sake) he hasn't found anyone else, then he might still be interested in you and listen to your reasons why you did what you did. I went through a similar thing, got speaking to a girl spoke got pretty close opened up to eachother she has anorexia and wouldn't meet me because she was so insecure I promised her I wouldn't go with anyone else and only wanted her, one day we argued over something daft the football scores and fell out I fell like I had wasted a whole year on fack all I'm single she's now all loved up and I've been told she lied to me about several things, sighs! Best of luck.
Recommended Posts