Author RetroFan00 Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Why not schedule in more face2face time? That's a good suggestion. The only thing is that he's a very busy man running his graphic design and printing business. We don't really get to see each other that often during the week, and he's constantly working. So scheduling that time would equate to pulling teeth.
VicJay79 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 CrestFallenNoMore, I am similiar to you, and I am a guy in his late 30's! If i don't get a text message from my girlfriend, I start feeling like she doesn't love me or isn't thinking about me. The underlying problem probably relates to an insecurity (fear of abandonment). Here is how i solved this problem. 1. Understand that Maybe your too good for him. The sad reality is a person should love to hear from someone they care about. Moreover, if they feel the same way, they should want to at least communicate with you a little bit. 2. Create some Distance between you and this person. I started realizing maybe I am investing to much of myself into something she hasn't been doing. Thats a huge problem!!! 3. Realize you might be to good for him.... Do you know why you're so insecure? I'd examine that about yourself if you don't. Otherwise, you won't be able to back off, because the incessant texting has nothing to do with him; it's a pattern you'll repeat in future relationships. I'd leave him alone for now and trust that he'll get in touch with you. It hasn't even been a day.
Joe Normal Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Stop texting. If you want to talk to him, pick up the darn phone.
thatone Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) You can call this type of guy a Control Freak, emotionally unavailable, a narcissist, whatever, but Record is right in saying that your BF wants you to realize he's the important one - that he can't be bothered, yet you must always be available. And yes, the way to keep him is to appear unattainable, independent, etc. and give him something to chase. I would suggest looking outside the relationship for self-esteem, validation, etc. because you aren't going to get it from this guy. And realize that it takes TWO people to ruin a relationship. obviously. you suggest mimicking the same habits you complain about to make sure both sides are doing their part. you suggest looking outside of the relationship for a shoulder to cry on because as you said in another thread, you keep another man friend zoned that you're using to replace the boyfriend whenever it suits you. but what happens when they all leave you? think about it, those days are coming. better make some gay male friends in the next few years. it ain't as easy once you get into your 30s, past 40 you'll find it damn near impossible. Edited May 16, 2011 by thatone
Author RetroFan00 Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Stop texting. If you want to talk to him, pick up the darn phone. Honestly, I'm the one who would rather talk to him than hold a discussion containing 160 characters. The one who claims, as I mentioned in a previous post, to not be a "phone person" is him. Sure, calling isn't a problem for me, but him actually being willing to engage in phone discussions rather than using texting as a main means of communication is another story. I couldn't care less if texting were to become non-existent tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I'd be glad. But it causes me to wonder what he would do considering the fact that he seems to rely on it.
darkangel001 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 (edited) Hey, I think you are a sweet person who is being messed around by this guy. Looking at your posts, personally I don't understand why you want to stay with this guy still, he doesn't seem like he respects or trusts you at all. However, if you still want to be with him. Then I suggest that you take control of what is happening. Only call if he calls- texting doesn't involve calling. Return his calls and texts for 5 call/text he sends you- so 1 call for every 5 of his Don't let the conversation last more than 10 minute at a time- and if possible try and end the conversation/texting spree- by saying sorry Im off I have things planned etc... This guy sound like he likes a chase... I personally think it's not funny either when he said you should be spanked for being a smart ass...the fact that he 'jokes' about being aggressive with you because you stood up to him- means that he might in the future think it is ok for him to punch you- for being a 'smart-ass' or anything else for that matter. Like I said- there are plenty of fish in the sea- I would personally not waste my time with such a guy- and it's up to you to decide if he is worth it. Edited May 17, 2011 by darkangel001 Didn't make sense
Author RetroFan00 Posted May 22, 2011 Author Posted May 22, 2011 Hey, I think you are a sweet person who is being messed around by this guy. Looking at your posts, personally I don't understand why you want to stay with this guy still, he doesn't seem like he respects or trusts you at all. However, if you still want to be with him. Then I suggest that you take control of what is happening. Only call if he calls- texting doesn't involve calling. Return his calls and texts for 5 call/text he sends you- so 1 call for every 5 of his Don't let the conversation last more than 10 minute at a time- and if possible try and end the conversation/texting spree- by saying sorry Im off I have things planned etc... This guy sound like he likes a chase... I personally think it's not funny either when he said you should be spanked for being a smart ass...the fact that he 'jokes' about being aggressive with you because you stood up to him- means that he might in the future think it is ok for him to punch you- for being a 'smart-ass' or anything else for that matter. Like I said- there are plenty of fish in the sea- I would personally not waste my time with such a guy- and it's up to you to decide if he is worth it. Thank you for your honest opinion. I definitely appreciate it. I do feel as if I've taken back at least some control by having ended it. I could no longer take his deceit, and trying to control when I were to contact him on HIS time. I'm aware that I should've stood my ground from the very beginning, and I have self-improvement of my own to look into, but his behavior isn't going to get him anywhere. We knew each other as teenagers with him having been a few years older than me. I can honestly say that I was living in the past, and it's very true that because you knew someone in your younger years, it doesn't mean that you know them as an adult. What's interesting is that he actually mentioned to me that he has had urges to hit some of his ex-girlfriends. Although he mentioned that he would never hit me. I have no idea what was so different about me in which would make him mention that, but I didn't believe him. He always mentions that he's been hurt and this and that, but his behavior isn't making his perspective any better. He's controlling as well as possessive and if he doesn't evolve, he's going to remain right where he is. As I mentioned, I DO regret not having stood my ground with him from the get-go, and to have demanded respect, but this is definitely a learning experience for me.
RecordProducer Posted May 22, 2011 Posted May 22, 2011 (edited) Retro, he's pulling the strings and calling the shots in the relationship and I am not sure if you are the type of person who is willing to take his crap or not. You're not being punished for his e-GF, it must be somethingdeeper than that - perhaps his relationship with his mother. Do not spend years (like I did) analyzing the whys and hows and ifs and buts. These people aren't worth your time and energy. Focus on the reality: if he is giving you what you want, take it. If not, leave it. He is a very disturbed person and he enjoys messing with your head. And you're not like that; you're sweet and genuine. IMO, you should set the standards for the kind of relationship you want to be in and let him know what you decided. You should tell him, "Listen, I am not going to be in a relationship like this, I want a partner who will talk to me, understanbd me, listen to me, and be equal. And you're not any of that. Either you will become or I am out of this relationship." And you have to be prepared to follow through. This kind of man will mop the floor with your feelings if you don't stand up for yourself. So, do it. He will respect you more and you'll get more from him. Edited May 22, 2011 by RecordProducer
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