DunnoWhat Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I recently went into my GF's (3 years together) files on her computer and found she was sending dirty text messages to an ex early on in our relationship. At the time we were in a long distance relationship but shes living near me now. To say I'm in a state of shock is an understatement. She doesn't know I know but I'm away from her for a few days now and need to consider my next step. I've a few options. I can either forgive her and pretend I didn't see it. It was over 2 years ago and I don't know for sure if they met or were just sending text messages although they were talking about meeting. or I can say it to her and end the relationship. After spending years on a relationship and introducing her to my family it all feels unbelievable. or Test her. I could pretent to be that guy and see how she reacts. Arrange to meet her somewhere and surprise her. I want to find out if she did anything first although I can't ask her because I don't trust her now. There was an incident before when I joined facebook and wanted to be friends with her but she wouldn't let me because she said she was too tired. I knew she was stalling. This was also about 2 years ago. So what would you do? Say its in the past or call her out on it? I'm sure shes been loyal since 2 years ago... I think! Oh and btw, I recommend people to snoop around every so often. This was a good girl who gave me no reasons not to trust her for years and I now find this *****.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 the question is, does it matter to you now if she cheated in the past or not? operative words are now and past. if it does, then you need to cut your losses now. it will only leave you snooping around whenever you and her are away from each other. from personal experience, i have been in your position in the past. the guy i was with said he didn't think our relationship will turn out this way so he was basically shopping for someone available if things go wrong with us. he didn't word it exactly like that, so i bought it and yeah...he did the same thing again when i was away only for a few days to visit my country.
seibert253 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 In my experience, I've found the best way to address as problem is to confront it head on. I don't understand your need to either stick your head in the sand and give her the chance to cheat on you in the future, or address this in a passive-aggressive nature. Address it head on. Confront her about it. Goes a little something like this: "Dear I found some disturbing corridspondence between you and XXXX. I understand this occurred sometime ago, but it's especially troubling that you've chosen to keep this hidden from me for so long. You can choose to tell me EVERYTHING that happened, or if you don't, I will re-evaluate my decsion to remain in a relationship with you. The worst thing you can do right now is to continue to lie to me". You need to stand tall and take charge of this situation. If your girl wants to stay with you, she'll be honest, and respect you for standing up for yourself. If you do nothing, she knows she's gotten away with it, and if the opportunity returns, she'll cheat again. TRUST ME. Dude, be a Man, not a mouse. Peace,
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