Yasmine Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 (edited) Hello everyone! I'm new on this forum My ex and I broke up 4 months ago, we were together for 2 years. He was very upset after the break-up, I regretted my decision, asked if he wanted to try it again but he didn't want to. We had a bit of contact after our break-up but I have always been the one who initiated it, he also helped me with moving stuff to my apartment 2 months after our break-up. I've just been through a phase of 2 months NC and eventually I send him this message three days ago: Hey! Maybe I caught u by surprise, but I thought I'd send you a message. We're kinda ignoring each other at the moment, like we turned into some sort of rivals/enemies. I don't see a reason for why we're acting like this towards each other..... Unless you do, if so, your honesty is appreciated. In my opinion, I don't think that's very nice & it shouldn't end like that. How are things going for you lately? I'm doing good, I still have my job & I recently started a Yoga course, hehe. I didn't get fired from my job yet. So, in my book that's quite an achievement! I currently sell funeral insurances in a call center, lolcakes. I must admit, it's quite something different..... But I really enjoy my job. Well I hope you’re doing well too, hope to hear from you. Bye. And this is what he replied.... Hey, yeah, I don't know why we are ignoring each other neither. I guess the reason why that is cause it feels awkward when you're around me or something. I don't mean to be ignoring you, i'm sure it's the same for you too! But honestly, there is no reason for us to be like that cos I have moved on and i'm sure you have too right? Yeah i'm doing good these days, thanks for asking . But am glad every things going good for you too . At least you still got your job and you haven't got fired yet lol . But selling funerals must be quite hard and challenging for you eh? I send him a reply back in which I mentioned that I ignored him because I saw him a lot with this new girl he's dating (approx. a month after our breakup). We have mutual friends. I'm a bit confused..... I don't know what to think of his reply back. He responds friendly & that he doesn't mean to ignore me. But then again he didn't respond to my second reply. Is he just being polite? Is he confused? I'd also like to add that he told me that he would still like to remain friends. Maybe he's having second doubts.... Could any of you possibly give me your perception of his reply back to me? Also, I still have feelings for him..... and I really miss him. Thanks so much for taking your time to read all this above! Edited May 12, 2011 by Yasmine
vsmini Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I don't think you're putting yourself in a good position. You dumped him and then came back, he said no. Now you're coming back again? What do you think has changed? I don't think he sounds particularly interested and you said it yourself that he's dating someone. If you really care about him let him be happy and let him move on. He probably knows why you're emailing and may already suspect that you have feelings for him.
Author Yasmine Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 Thanks for your reply. I came to the conclusion that I actually quite miss him in my life. My decision to break-up was completely irrational & made in the heat of the moment. I know, very silly and I know that all to well. However, after the break up he told me that he would like to remain friends. In order to make that possible I knew that we had to take a break from each other, and let each other move on....... I thought after two months the time would be right to initiate contact again and see where he stands.....
vsmini Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I thought after two months the time would be right to initiate contact again and see where he stands..... Now what about where you stand? You cannot be friends with an ex when you still have feelings for them. Sometimes that can take over a year to happen. If you still have feelings for him and hopes of getting back together then simple friendship is the last thing on your mind....because you probably want to be more than friends. Don't try to be friends now and hope those feelings go away - all it will do is ignite them even more and it will be a big mess. You'll start resenting him if he doesn't return the feelings or keeps dating the girl he's with. Not to mention - if he is with another girl, you most likely will not get the same attention you're looking for. I've been here - save yourself the heartache and pain and give YOURSELF time to move on. He has your number and email and he knows you were the one that came to him wanting to get back together.....he didn't forget that. If/when he wants you back - he will reach out to you and let you know blatantly.
Author Yasmine Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 Thank you again, I really do agree with you on that, I'm just really afraid if I move on and not stay in touch & he does as well that he might never contact me again. That idea only, kills me inside. He really does mean a lot to me & I still find him a great person. I also know that somewhere he still might have a bit of feelings, but he simply put a lock on his heart for me. I send him a message to see if he would let me back in, only if it were just a little bit.... But I guess he's still not ready yet. Maybe he will never be. I would also like to add that he's my first love, so this whole break-up phase is new to me. But for now, I guess it's the best I try to move on as well.... But wow, it's so hard. It seems as if these feelings just won't go away.
rayne05us Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Yasmine, I feel for you I really do...but in this situation, you have to take responsibility for your actions. You're the one who let him go and I don't meant this to be harsh, but he has moved on. Sometimes things happen so we can learn from them. So even though it may be time for you to move on as well, make sure if you find someone really special....learn from all of this. You have a great chance to start over and find someone really special, and I know you will ) Best of luck
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