Tom Crick Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Hi All, My boyfriend of 7 months finished things last week, saying that he 'hadn't fallen,' for me. This did come after 2 months of black, solid depression from him after a sporting injury that threatened to finish his hopes of a career switch plus his most treasured past-time. Two days before he finished it, he'd been to see a surgeon who'd said that he'd have to give up his sport 'at some point, and that point may well be now.' He's also undergoing treatment for depression. But hey! Enough about him! I hadn't felt satisfied for a while, but had asked quite low-key but important questions about whether there was a problem with us. I'd always had reassurance that it wasn't, and he'd say things about how close he felt to me, 'closer than anyone else in the world,' for example. Or he'd ring me and afterwards, text saying, 'I feel so much better for talking to you.' Anyway, he finished it last week, 48 hours after his world collapsed. I took it on the chin, and didn't even reply. Actually, I tell a lie; he texted the next day and said, 'did you receive my e-mail and are you okay?' So I did, 7 words, something like, 'yes, I'll be in touch over possessions,' (a few mutual ones, you see). Oh, and he didn't dump me by e-mail by choice; I knew he wanted to come round to my house 'to talk,' and I politely said that I didn't want him coming to my home, to upset me, to just leave. He e-mailed me on the Monday to say, 'I don't know how splitting up works for you, but I'd like to, if you would, stay in contact. I'll leave it with you.' Kissy kissy. I didn't reply. Today, a text 'I accept you don't want contact, but I am trying to connect - I won't contact you again if you don't want me to.' I still haven't replied. I don't know why I haven't replied, but it's a mix of a - not wanting to reach 'final' closure b - not wanting to hear his voice/see him, get upset, feel like **** c - hoping that his 'NC' thing is making him stew and reach realisations d - I tend to cut off anyway I'm struggling to conclude this post - I'm sorry. It must read very poorly. I'm not as devastated as I imagined and am doing well. Forcing myself to see friends and family and brush my teeth and all the necessaries that underpin A Life. I would be lying if I said I didn't hope he's not sitting in his little house, consumed by regret. And, er, that's it. How does this read to you folks? Cheers TC
PrettyLady1 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I think it'll hit you a little harder eventually and it kind of seems like he's saying this now and then sooner or later he will regret braking up and want you back. If you feel like this might happen then its understandable that you are not as devastated. It sounds like he's leaving the ball in your court even though he's the one who did the braking up. So if you text back tell him what you think he should know. That can be anywhere from your done with him and don't need contact, to its his loss and you deserve better. Whatever you feel. Hope it works out best for you.
Author Tom Crick Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 Hi, Thanks for that reply. Very perceptive - yeah, I don't feel it's over, per se. There is still something there, something in him wanting something from me, though I'm very reluctant to give it to him because of, well, those reasons I originally outlined. I spoke to someone today and she said, well, why don't you say to him, yes, I will contact you but next week. Or just simply assert myself, so I don't ignore him to the detriment of my closure, but that I get what I need, too. The fact he's leaving the ball in my court does give me hope. Which I hope in turn doesn't make me sound too pathetic! Will sit on this for a couple more days - I'm sure I'll know what to do for the best in time, but yes, that dilemma between keeping 'some' vibe alive between us or cutting loose entirely is very scary Cheers TC
Author Tom Crick Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 Oh God. I feel shattered. Emotionally, physically shattered. I've just let myself sit with some of this pain, rather than analysing it or talking about it or grabbing everyone from the cleaner at work to the bloke at the bus-stop to ask their opinion. Just letting myself feel my own sadness, I suppose. It's the end of the week here, the sun is setting. I don't know whether to contact him and say anything. Part of me does, because part of me was unhappy and wants to yell at him. Part of me wants to hope he's rethinking his decision. Another bit wants to just bury herself in herself, ignore it and move on. But I can't do that - or so I've found. Bits keep bubbling to the top. I feel so sad. So very, very sad
PrettyLady1 Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 So have you text him back yet?? Dont dwell so much on your sadness and pain. It really does sound like you need some more time to figure out what you want to do. Dont rush yourself, anyway you taking your sweet time to figure some stuff out will make him wonder why your taking so long to respond especially since he left the decision on you. So taking your time is a good thing because he is most likely thinking of you anyway, wondering what your next move will be.
Author Tom Crick Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 Hi, No, have not texted him back. I swing between wanting to say something to him and then rather erring on this NC thing, if only for my own benefit. Though it's early days and I'm confused by my own NC motivations. In his last message, he said that he wouldn't contact me again and perhaps, he might not. Which leaves me feeling worse, I think! But I also believe that I need to get myself right before I can talk to him, if talking is even appropriate. When he first broke up with me, he said, 'there's more I could say but I don't know if you want to talk.' And then these communications with increasing desperation to hear from me. I'm trying to fill up my weekends and do things that don't leave me sitting with this pain, although I understand that I'll at some point have to check in and fully feel it. As the original reply to this mail said, I may not be on my knees - yet - because of these communications keeping something alive. But I suppose that if he wanted to get back with me, he would come right out and say it Cheers TC
PrettyLady1 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I believe he said that so that you would be the one to make the next move. So I think its okay for you to contact him. Nothings wrong with one last try and if he is to immature to take it serious then just move on, accepting that you are going to feel pain but eventually you will pass this and be better, possibly thankful that you got out of a relationship with someone who didn't know how to love you the way you deserve to be loved. The hardest thing to accept is pain, but once you do there is nothing that can bring you down again.. Hope I am helping..
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