Mme. Chaucer Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Doesn't he have drinking problems and is "bored with everything in his life"? How is this person able to fulfill all of the above for you, yet he has these huge voids? (according to what you have posted) Cuz hes just like her an shez happy no matter how it turns out!!
Author vweb1218 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 Ok, but where is all of that going to take you, let's say 4yrs from now? Is this really a serious R? You are taking him more serious than he taking himself, don't you think? After all, he married someone that he didn't really wanted to and 2 months later, here he is. Pouring all his energy into someone else. Doesn't he have drinking problems and is "bored with everything in his life"? How is this person able to fulfill all of the above for you, yet he has these huge voids? (according to what you have posted) Why don't you have the honors of telling his W what is going on? Or you are not taking him very serious either, since you like being single as you mentioned. This sounds like a game being played by the both of you. You know what happens with people who play games. Someone has to lose. You are right, someone does have to "win". Look at Charlie Sheen, he is "WINNING" according to his deranged & delusional self. I don't think he is a unserious person at all, very complex actually. He likes to have fun for sure and gets bored easy but so do I. I have had a problem with this all my life. Honestly I will be fine single but he is the only person I have met who completely keeps me entertained. We have the same issue with boredom and was probably one of the first similarities we noticed. He says quote :" I thrive off the random, spontaneous and unexpected ". I thought about that for a long time and realized that is exactly how I am. Although we both thrive on these things both of us are degreed, motivated to business ventures and family oriented. I think it would work out great if it ever happens. Of course I do have some worries that we could become obsessive about craziness and adventure. I do have a son, and do have limits so that is something that keeps me grounded. He is drinking out of situational but do agree it Could turn into a problem if he is not careful. I would never tell the W !! That would break me and his trust.. That is up for him to do or if she finds out I guess I will have to deal with it !! Not anywhere near ready for a DDay !!!
JaneyAmazed Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I just read this thread. I guess because I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster these days, I was a little pissed at the lack of respect the OP has for people who have reached out to help you. You call people names and act like a 12 year old. If you want to be a troll, go do it on a site where no one is seeking real advice. Maybe there's a forum for made up stories and pretend solutions. Even if you're not a troll, you aren't here seeking advice or giving advice. It seems like you are here to play a game that only makes you look ignorant, immature, and desperate for attention. If that's what you were going for then congrats! Charlie Sheen would be proud of you. At least he has drugs to blame for his insanity. What's your excuse?
Mimolicious Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I don't think he is a unserious person at all, very complex actually. He likes to have fun for sure and gets bored easy but so do I. I have had a problem with this all my life. Honestly I will be fine single but he is the only person I have met who completely keeps me entertained. We have the same issue with boredom and was probably one of the first similarities we noticed. He says quote :" I thrive off the random, spontaneous and unexpected ". I thought about that for a long time and realized that is exactly how I am. Translates to = I live for the thrills. It's actually scary to be around this type of people. If you two are that much alike, then you both deserve each other. Spare his W all that building on sand. I was married to an idiot that lived for the "thrill". He is broke, broken and lost now. Although we both thrive on these things both of us are degreed, motivated to business ventures and family oriented. I think it would work out great if it ever happens. Of course I do have some worries that we could become obsessive about craziness and adventure. I do have a son, and do have limits so that is something that keeps me grounded. Unless you (the both of you) are extremely good at compartmentalizing your life, , it might not work out "great". It would be unrealistic to think that one aspect of your life, won't affect all the others. Eventually it will. Look, read and search around you. It is proven, people who play games for thrills end up in limbo, not grounded. He is drinking out of situational but do agree it Could turn into a problem if he is not careful. A scape goat. The same that you are another form of scaping his reality. I would never tell the W !! That would break me and his trust.. That is up for him to do or if she finds out I guess I will have to deal with it !! Not anywhere near ready for a DDay !!! Because neither of your want the responsibility that comes with all these "thrills", so of course nobody is talking. That simple. You know this has some truth. You are enabling his convenient lifestyle. I hope that you can sleep with yourself the day that everything crumbles to 1000 pieces.
Author vweb1218 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 Because neither of your want the responsibility that comes with all these "thrills", so of course nobody is talking. That simple. You know this has some truth. You are enabling his convenient lifestyle. I hope that you can sleep with yourself the day that everything crumbles to 1000 pieces. Im ready and excited about the adventure.. Bring it on !!! I love the ride, and ready to ride FASTER !! "I have meet my match " Hands up and yelling !!!
Mimolicious Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Im ready and excited about the adventure.. Bring it on !!! I love the ride, and ready to ride FASTER !! "I have meet my match " Hands up and yelling !!! You're def a troll.... Lay off the rocks, and not exactly the ones that you can find under your bridge. Good bye!
Lucky_One Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Please, vweb, before I dig my eyeballs out, it is "chalk it up", not "chop it up". Three days NC? Why? Did you tell him you were going NC? If this is just an EA and if you are so blissfully happy and you will never regret meeting him because of the intense joy of finally finding your soulmate and if you have given up on the thoughts of sex and are just wallowing in the sheer wonderment and joy of your extreme emotional attachment, why go NC at all? Three days of unannounced NC sounds like game playing to me. Sounds pretty immature for a 37 year old, to be honest. Hey, before we chop this one up to being a troll and relegate her to her bridge, I want to know why she went NC?
Author vweb1218 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 Hey, before we chop this one up to being a troll and relegate her to her bridge, I want to know why she went NC? Simply to make him think !!!
26pointblue Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Simply to make him think !!! How did that work out for you? You can't manipulate a man into loving you, you know.
Author vweb1218 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 How did that work out for you? You can't manipulate a man into loving you, you know. It worked pretty well actually .. could tell he missed the contact even said he thought I died. !! All men need a chase no matter what stage of a relationship !! Plus I cut off most contact with everyone those three days to think. I sometimes like to do this !
erica01 Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Well, even if she is a troll... Her posts are getting pretty regular responses so if so, it is quite entertaining. If not, I feel bad for her. I was in this nonsensical state of mind for quite a while. At some point I even thought a lot of the stuff she is saying now so. What can we do? *shrugging shoulders*
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 All men need a chase no matter what stage of a relationship !! Well, this man has a desperate woman doing all the chasing after him!!
Author vweb1218 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 Well, this man has a desperate woman doing all the chasing after him!! I have and will never be the chaser.. He asked me for my phone number, he texted me first and still almost always does. Only time I ask for any xtra attention is occasionally on my period. He started the sex talk and porn watching mostly by himself before I decided to join in a couple mouths after. I always play the girl role and let the man chase... Desperate? Not even close !!
waytogo Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I have and will never be the chaser.. He asked me for my phone number, he texted me first and still almost always does. Only time I ask for any xtra attention is occasionally on my period. He started the sex talk and porn watching mostly by himself before I decided to join in a couple mouths after. I always play the girl role and let the man chase... Desperate? Not even close !! Nope, not close, right on the money! Sexting and texting for hours with a daydrunk MM who you never even spend time with at this point. Oh, unless you descend on him at work. Nothing desparate about that
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Nope, not close, right on the money! Sexting and texting for hours with a daydrunk MM who you never even spend time with at this point. Oh, unless you descend on him at work. Nothing desparate about that Just if she's on her period, though!
waytogo Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Just if she's on her period, though! Yeah, that's when I've always wanted to mutually watch porn and have some sexting with a drunk MM
love4me2c Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 This has to be a joke. No one is this .... ummm.. what's the word? I might violate TOS so I'm not going to write it.
waytogo Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 This has to be a joke. No one is this .... ummm.. what's the word? I might violate TOS so I'm not going to write it. Your point is taken though Wouldn't seem you are short of people who agree with you:bunny:
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 It's been a very entertaining joke, and for that I'm grateful! It's taken my mind off of the coming apocalypse, so thanks! BTW, don't you think you ought to jump his bones before Saturday? Your time is running out ...
waytogo Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 It's been a very entertaining joke, and for that I'm grateful! It's taken my mind off of the coming apocalypse, so thanks! BTW, don't you think you ought to jump his bones before Saturday? Your time is running out ... There's this other concern. Some BW's would be quite ticked over porn chat; but they maybe could live with repairing things if no real sex ever happened. If vnothing doesn't seel that deal before this DD, MM has a better chance of working it out. Then VW will have to watch porn all by herself, and pretend MM is with her in spirit:love:
FieldFlower Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 It's been a very entertaining joke, and for that I'm grateful! It's taken my mind off of the coming apocalypse, so thanks! BTW, don't you think you ought to jump his bones before Saturday? Your time is running out ... Whoa...I thought we had till Dec 2012, now it's Saturday? Damn, I knew I should have made those kids work on the bunker tonight... vweb...I'm a little shocked, that you think his drinking only has the potential to be a problem. Alcoholism doesn't work that way, the second it goes from recreational, to being used a means of coping, it is a problem. The real funny thing about addiction/alcoholism is that it usually includes someone filling the codependent role, someone to justify it for them, enable them, someone who will tell them they don't have a problem, just as long as the addict/alcoholic continues to give the co-dependent what they need, or want. Now that you have pointed all of this out, sounds pretty textbook to me. Man having a hard time coping with issues in life, doesn't have the greatest of coping skills, and booze numbs his emotional pain. Wife is NOT co-dependent, she tells him how it is, he doesn't like that, its not fair no one understands. You ARE the co-dependent, that enables him to continue, and not stop because there is no way your going to upset the apple cart, he has something you want, him. As long as you keep enabling him, he will keep drinking and giving you your tidbits. Hmmmm, just maybe something to think about as well.
waytogo Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 Whoa...I thought we had till Dec 2012, now it's Saturday? Damn, I knew I should have made those kids work on the bunker tonight... vweb...I'm a little shocked, that you think his drinking only has the potential to be a problem. Alcoholism doesn't work that way, the second it goes from recreational, to being used a means of coping, it is a problem. The real funny thing about addiction/alcoholism is that it usually includes someone filling the codependent role, someone to justify it for them, enable them, someone who will tell them they don't have a problem, just as long as the addict/alcoholic continues to give the co-dependent what they need, or want. Now that you have pointed all of this out, sounds pretty textbook to me. Man having a hard time coping with issues in life, doesn't have the greatest of coping skills, and booze numbs his emotional pain. Wife is NOT co-dependent, she tells him how it is, he doesn't like that, its not fair no one understands. You ARE the co-dependent, that enables him to continue, and not stop because there is no way your going to upset the apple cart, he has something you want, him. As long as you keep enabling him, he will keep drinking and giving you your tidbits. Hmmmm, just maybe something to think about as well. Field, she won't answer questions like this. She'll tell you he has no legs or something of equal value. She probably is not 37, I really hope she is not. She's just messed up. She'll seek real help or she won't. Nothing anyone can do here or should put their energy into trying.
Author vweb1218 Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 You all hate me and think I am stupid.. Bash what you feel is a lack of intelligence. Call me a troll and figure I will get outed. Call me a bad Mom. Etc, etc , etc.. But all of you keep coming back to post over and over again! So who is the lonely, pathetic and desperate one(s) now ????
Author vweb1218 Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 What is emotional cheating? This type of affair is often characterized by: Inappropriate emotional intimacy. The partner being unfaithful may spend inappropriate or excessive time with someone of the opposite or same gender (time not shared with the faithful partner). He or she may confide more in their new “friend” than in their partner and may share more intimate emotional feelings and secrets with their new partner than with their existing spouse. Any time that an individual invests more emotionally into a relationship with someone besides their partner the existing partnership may suffer. Deception and secrecy. Those involved may not tell their partners about the amount of time they spend with each other. An individual involved in this type of affair may, for example, tell his or her spouse that they are doing other activities when they are really meeting with someone else. Or the unfaithful spouse may exclude any mention of the other person while discussing the day’s activities to conceal the rendezvous. Even if no physical intimacy occurs, the deception clearly shows that those involved believe they are doing something wrong that undermines the existing relationship. In other words, if there was really no harm in meeting with a friend, both parties would feel comfortable telling their partners the truth about where they are meeting and what they are discussing. Increased fighting. When a person becomes emotionally involved with a third party, they may view the new person as all good and their committed partner as all bad. This person may blame their interest in the third party on their committed partner, which will lead to increased fighting and strain on the relationship.[8] An emotional triangle. One that may only be known to the unfaithful, who then struggles to keep the other two from knowing of the impact of one upon the other. Denial will likely characterize the unfaithful person's response to an invitation by their spouse to reflect on the competing demands of the relationship with the other person. Sexual and emotional chemistry. Sexual and emotional chemistry can present itself based on a physical attraction one might feel for another person. In addition, it can also be related to an increase in dopamine, a hormone that produces feelings of pleasure, and norepinephrine, which is similar to adrenaline and causes an increase in excitement. This may or may not lead to physical intimacy, however, if nurtured it may present itself. The time between the first meeting and a first kiss can often be very lengthy, but the time between the first kiss and sexual intercourse may be very short. In most of these affairs, however, an unspoken attraction exists. A partner may spend extra time getting ready before seeing this "friend" or may buy new clothing or change their appearance in order to seem attractive to them. They may obsess anticipating phone calls, emails or text messages. Denial. Denial of the presence of sexual behavior, sexuality or even of an atom of limerence. "Limerence is an involuntary cognitive and emotional state in which a person feels an intense romantic desire for another person. It is characterized by intrusive thinking and pronounced sensitivity to external events that reflect the disposition of the limerent object towards the individual." This denial can be exhibited by the cheating partner and/or the partner being cheated on, especially if the partner cheated on is male. If the cheating partner accepts that the element of sexual attraction exists, however, and physical contact starts, it can cause the current relationship to start collapsing. Betrayal. There is an implicit betrayal of values, believed to have been shared, about the sanctity of a relationship based on love, of the idea of a soulmate and of being faithful to fundamental agreements underlying intimacy, that are perceived by the spouse not involved in the affair to be a core of their committed relationship and world view. Why Is It Bad? Some may argue that since emotional affairs fall just short of physical cheating they aren’t really all that bad. But this is incorrect. Emotional affairs can hurt just as much as physical cheating and sometimes even more. When one partner replaces time, feelings, and intimacy with someone other than their partner it hurts the relationship between them and their partner. Emotional affairs involve all the lying and mistrust that physical affairs do, and their damage often takes much longer to overcome. How bad is emotional cheating? Well, how important is love to you? What bothers most people about emotional affairs is that there is intimacy, friendship, an emotional connection, and maybe even love in the affair, all of which is supposed to be reserved for your partner alone. People in relationships are more than lovers, they are best friends and sources of emotional comfort far deeper than a platonic friendship level. It can be very painful to feel replaced in this regard. Now how bad is emotional cheating compared to a physical affair? Physical cheating can often be just casual sex with no deep, emotional connection. While this is still far from a good situation, some people feel it's better than emotional infidelity. They feel somewhat comforted if there was no love or emotional intimacy involved, and it was only a physical act. These two forms of infidelity are not mutually exclusive, however. If you're suspicious of an emotional affair, be prepared for the possibility of it becoming physical. This doesn't always happen, but the emotional affair affair may be worth looking into if you have that suspicion. Emotional affairs can certainly run deeper than physical ones for many people. But the thing about them is they're easier to catch! Think about it. Text messages, phone calls, emails, etc. all leave a written record. You can get solid proof and catch your cheater! Don't let yourself get hurt anymore, click here! Later !!
SidLyon Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 ... ...He started the sex talk and porn watching mostly by himself before I decided to join in a couple mouths after. I always play the girl role and let the man chase... Desperate? Not even close !! Oh my goodness you got 2 extra mouths to help you... eeww.
Recommended Posts