RecordProducer Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Thanks for sharing your thoughts & experience because it really helped me. :-)Oh, I am so happy if you found it helpful - at least some use of all the bad experiences!
Author vweb1218 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 With divorce rates being about 50% it's a coin toss to begin with. With sex and money being the two biggest reasons for divorce. Both of which they are already stuggling with that brings it up to about 75 % chance. With him already being emotionally bonded to someone else and sometimes doing stupid stuff to maybe trying to get caught I would bring that up to 85 % chance. He will get caught eventually especially with his increasing sloppiness. With the added fact that he is very adventurous and ADD. I would add on a good 5 % he is already admitted to much boredom in his current life. So now we are up to about 90% chance of divorce. I think we should add on another at least 5 % for his high sex drive that is not going to be able to be kept in check forever and now we are at 95%.. I will give it another 15% chance she has her own thing on the side maybe more considering a couple of odd comments she has made to him. I will also give another 10% that he just goes spontaneous crazy and just leaves everyone and moves to some foreign country and starts his whole life over. Well now we are at some odd 100 some %... I don't know about you but I know my MM and he won't make himself miserable for too long. Even with his deep christian morals... He also has a past wild side that is trying to come back though !!
bentnotbroken Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 With divorce rates being about 50% it's a coin toss to begin with. With sex and money being the two biggest reasons for divorce. Both of which they are already stuggling with that brings it up to about 75 % chance. With him already being emotionally bonded to someone else and sometimes doing stupid stuff to maybe trying to get caught I would bring that up to 85 % chance. He will get caught eventually especially with his increasing sloppiness. With the added fact that he is very adventurous and ADD. I would add on a good 5 % he is already admitted to much boredom in his current life. So now we are up to about 90% chance of divorce. I think we should add on another at least 5 % for his high sex drive that is not going to be able to be kept in check forever and now we are at 95%.. I will give it another 15% chance she has her own thing on the side maybe more considering a couple of odd comments she has made to him. I will also give another 10% that he just goes spontaneous crazy and just leaves everyone and moves to some foreign country and starts his whole life over. Well now we are at some odd 100 some %... I don't know about you but I know my MM and he won't make himself miserable for too long. Even with his deep christian morals... He also has a past wild side that is trying to come back though !! Try not to go to Vegas with one set of clothes. :laugh:
daisy love Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Don't try to convince anyone here. You are wasting your time. I'm happy you were able to talk to your love today. I won't get to see my love again for awhile. I'm in withdrawl already.
Author vweb1218 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 Hey, Thanks.. and I think you are right. So unfortunate to. I am the Dr. Phil to all my girlfriends so sometime hard when I want to talk about something in my personal life. It doesn't really matter what people on here say. I am the one who know's my MM and I am the one involved with him. I know 100% he cares about me very much..and not just in a sexual way obviously. I actually didn't get to talk to him today But need to go to sleep soon because Saturday morning is always our time .. Better than cartoons !! Thanks Daisy, xoxoxoxoxxooxo Jealous of our optimism for sure !
RecordProducer Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Well, you never know, he could be your Mr. Right. So, how old is he?
bentnotbroken Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 And who said LS wasn't entertaining? I know right.
thomasb Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Thank you Lord for giving me a wife with a life of her own who doesn't need to 'chat' for 11 hours!
waytogo Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Hi all, when I am sure I know someone so completely well, what I do is read the social network page of the spouse of the person I'm so deeply involved with for insite to my soulmate This person seems to glote of her own mother's betrayal from her father. I know everyone wasn't blessed with the kind of mother I was; but barring some real abuse from her mom, may I say WTH????
FieldFlower Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Hi all, when I am sure I know someone so completely well, what I do is read the social network page of the spouse of the person I'm so deeply involved with for insite to my soulmate This person seems to glote of her own mother's betrayal from her father. I know everyone wasn't blessed with the kind of mother I was; but barring some real abuse from her mom, may I say WTH???? The choir is singing with you!!! I just want to add, that your MM had every oppurtunity to back out of his wedding beforehand, and with only being married two months, there is absolutely no way that "his" issues just sprang to life...Soooo that means either he is telling the truth, or he's telling you exactly what he thinks you want to hear. A 29 year old man is having the first of several mid-life crisis that he will have throughout his life. Most people, not all go through this. The first is when the big 3-0 looms on the horizon. That transition from the young "20's" to the "oh my gawd, I thought 30 was so old when I was younger" can be very difficult and confusing. He may really believe that he is "miserable", but what he is miserable about may not entirely be his marriage, and just may be with the fact of growing older, and not being able to embrace those "20 year old years" anymore. Mentally, and emotionally it is a tough age to be. His younger friends are enjoying their youth, his older friends have most likely settled down to families, responsibilities, home ownership, etc..., and is most likely conflicted as to what life he really wants. Only one of them is his reality, and when push comes to shove, he will choose it. His wife most likely was part of those "young years", and girl I'm telling you, miserable or not, there is a bond there that is NOT easily broken. If you have never been somewhat happily married to someone you spent the majority of your young life with, you will never understand that. Never. Even when those relationships do dissovle, it is the most heartbreaking, painful experience you can go through, and if it's not what he truly wants, in both his mind AND his heart, he's not leaving. Sorry. You are setting yourself up, for some major heartbreak, I know, btdt. Marriage and "boyfriend/girlfriend relationships don't compare, they maybe similar, but it's the difference that count. xMM would go out and eat dinner every weekend by himself in a little local pub. Just sit there, by himself, sad, lonely, and then drink to make it go away. I hated it, couldn't understand it, why throw your life away being with someone you clearly do not love, and after many tearful angry nights, it finally occurred to me (with a little help from my therapist), that just because he isn't in love with her, doesn't mean he isn't in love with their "life, history, and assets". It's not his wife he can't leave, it's his life. I let him go, despite his protests, I let him go. I cared too much to see him so conflicted, and I just couldn't allow myself to cause anyone any additional pain. I never had sex with him either, and for that I'm am so very thankful. Not because we both didn't want it, but because we both couldn't bring ourselves to hurt each other in that magnatude. I am honorable, hell no, not even close. My heart wants what it wants, but the real part of being an adult is accepting we don't get what we want, when we want it. Life doesn't work that way. 11 hours chatting..wow, I just don't know what to say or think about that. I can't imagine having that kind of cyber relationship. I need to see their eyes when they are talking to me, I need to read their body lanquage, and no, knowing someone for two years, doesn't mean you know them. Sorry, it just doesn't work that way. A good friend of mine, someone I've helped, been there for, only knew for two years, has betrayed me and screwed me over beyond reproach, and I thought I knew them too. I have gf's that I've known my entire life, and every now and again I learn something new about them too. Sorry you never truly know someone until you live with them, IMHO. Cut him off, tell him that if he truly loves you, to come find you when he is truly available to you and only you. If it is meant to be, and he truly loves YOU, he will do just that. If you don't do this, ask yourself why, why is it you can't wait for someone you claim to love on so many levels, and that he feels the same way, why is that? Why can't you wait? I think the honest answer, the one you give to yourself, will just confirm what's really at stake here, and what you trying to deny. Sorry for the long post, but in all seriousness, if your truly 37 years old, and actually believe the things you are writing, then I think you really need to focus on what people are trying to tell you. Good luck.
Author vweb1218 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 He's only known her a total of two years..And things went very quickly. She was looking at engagement rings 3 months into relationship. Seems very rushed. I know he is bonded to me know matter what anyone in the world says. She is a few years younger and from what I can see obsessed with having the "picture perfect " life which he is already noticing is not what he is about. Once again, I know it could turn out heartbreaking but nothing I haven't and can't handle. Plus I know for a fact that he will be just as upset if I walked as well, honestly maybe more. He has told me some stuff that I could for sure use against him and make him look bad (even though I never would). I asked my Mom, who never comments on any of my love affairs if I should end it. She said it is much to late for that and at this point I just need to play it out and see what happens. I 1000000% trust my Mom's advice especially when she rarely gives it. I would never jump off a roller coaster in mid session.. You are surely to get hurt. All you can do is yell and throw your hands up and wait till it stops. Then you can decide If you want to ride again !!!!! Also I am super intuitive.. Usually met someone and know if we will be friends or more in less than 10 minutes. Has never failed me yet So knowing someone less than 2 years or even 2 months does not mean anything to me. If you observe and pay attention to someone you can get a read on them almost instantly. Plus he's easy to understand, we are so alike. I know he totally gets me, once again my Mom telling me so. I have to tell you this Never Ever happens. I am usually missunderstood even though I have a ton of friends !
FieldFlower Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 He's only known her a total of two years..And things went very quickly. She was looking at engagement rings 3 months into relationship. Seems very rushed. I know he is bonded to me know matter what anyone in the world says. She is a few years younger and from what I can see obsessed with having the "picture perfect " life which he is already noticing is not what he is about. Once again, I know it could turn out heartbreaking but nothing I haven't and can't handle. Plus I know for a fact that he will be just as upset if I walked as well, honestly maybe more. He has told me some stuff that I could for sure use against him and make him look bad (even though I never would). I asked my Mom, who never comments on any of my love affairs if I should end it. She said it is much to late for that and at this point I just need to play it out and see what happens. I 1000000% trust my Mom's advice especially when she rarely gives it. I would never jump off a roller coaster in mid session.. You are surely to get hurt. All you can do is yell and throw your hands up and wait till it stops. Then you can decide If you want to ride again !!!!! Also I am super intuitive.. Usually met someone and know if we will be friends or more in less than 10 minutes. Has never failed me yet So knowing someone less than 2 years or even 2 months does not mean anything to me. If you observe and pay attention to someone you can get a read on them almost instantly. Plus he's easy to understand, we are so alike. I know he totally gets me, once again my Mom telling me so. I have to tell you this Never Ever happens. I am usually missunderstood even though I have a ton of friends ! Okay, please understand I'm not saying this in any attempt to belittle your mother, I'm sure she is everything to you, but sometimes the best advice does not come from family members. They tend to see only their childs point of view, and not take the full picture into consideration. They want you to be happy, the believe what you tell them, and only see your presentation of the situation. Sorry, advice from family members can be worth its weight in gold, it can also be exactly what you want to hear, and not what you need to hear. I just can't imagine a mother, honestly telling their child to stick out an affair with a MM, just for the sake of seeing where it may or may not go, then again that is on me, not you. Secondly, it would be naive to think that you can never be wrong about who someone is. My gut is almost always right, but you know when your vulnurable, or have the "in love" on top of the world feeling, we tend to ignore it, and it's not until AFTER things go bad that we say, yeah I saw that, sure, real smooth choice. It seems like your gonna do, what your gonna do, and honestly I hope things work out for you. Seriously, if he only knew her a couple of years, rushed into things, and has only been married for two months, and has no kids, I fail to see why he hangs on. There is a reason why he is staying there. Also, just FYI, just because a couple can not conceive a child doesn't doom a relationship. In fact, it has the potential to bring them closer, as they explore the different ways to acheive parenthood, such as adoptions, egg donor, surrogate IVF...you get my point. If that is their dream, they will find a way to make it a reality.
Seeker Sam Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 just because he isn't in love with her, doesn't mean he isn't in love with their "life, history, and assets". It's not his wife he can't leave, it's his life. I let him go, despite his protests, I let him go. I cared too much to see him so conflicted, and I just couldn't allow myself to cause anyone any additional pain. I never had sex with him either, and for that I'm am so very thankful. Thank you FF, what you have written really struck a chord with me. In my case I'm sure it was both - he loved her and their life, in fact he never said anything otherwise. He said the love was different but both were real. Add to the love for his wife their history, their family and everything you've pointed out I'm often left with the shameful self-questioning of how I ever thought it would end up any differently than it did?! Anyway, thanks for sharing.
Author vweb1218 Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 I have an extremely busy life.. I chatted for 11 hours along with doing 100 different things. It was a freaking Saturday for God's sake. I got my hair cut, colored, I took my son out and hung out with a friend though out this convo. My MM requires a lot of talk, quite chatty for a man actually. I am a full-time intern, a part time worker and a full-time Mom. Have you ever heard of multitasking.. Obviously his wife has not, she either doesn't care or realize how much attention my MM needs !!!
Mimolicious Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I have an extremely busy life.. I chatted for 11 hours along with doing 100 different things. It was a freaking Saturday for God's sake. I got my hair cut, colored, I took my son out and hung out with a friend though out this convo. My MM requires a lot of talk, quite chatty for a man actually. I am a full-time intern, a part time worker and a full-time Mom. Have you ever heard of multitasking.. Obviously his wife has not, she either doesn't care or realize how much attention my MM needs !!! Whoa! I'm tired for you. Ever heard about "Jack of all trades and master of none"? I bet if I asked you what where you doing while you took your son out, you may say honestly say "typing on my phone to my MM". Am I somewhat right? Did you really dedicated undivided attention to your boy? A grown a$$ man needs all this attention? *RED FLAG* Is someone that requires all this amniotic fluid in his life attractive? Babyjesusindiapers! God bless your heart for having the patience and free time to offer this dude. I am sure that in all that multi-tasking, you are stealing time from your intership, your employer and your son to feed the ego and emptyness of another human being. Hope it doesn't burn you out, bebe. Good luck!
Author vweb1218 Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Your and idiot !!!... First of all I love my son he is the best thing ever. We were at my girlfriends house and while she was doing my hair and I was chatting my son was outside and in the other room playing with her son who he rarely gets to see. My son is seven, we are super close. He still cuddles but would most the time rather play with his friends. He had a Great time. I take my son out almost every week for a Mom and Son date (just me and him).. So what if MM needs a little extra attention in his life right now ?? He has been a fierce student for four years straight and worked full time the whole entire time as well. He admits this is a Hard time in his life and that he is in Transition. I am happy to be there for him especially because he was so there for me a few months ago when I probably had the most stressful time of my life. He let me carry on and hardly said anything about any of his concerns or issues. So it's his turn to vent and that is 100% okay with me. Plus he doesn't really need that much attention just "enjoys my company" As for my internship : My boss is GREAT and very sweet. I think I am doing far more than she expected and actually feel bad because I keep bothering her with more and more things I would like to implement. Actually going to walk over there right now and ask her a couple of things. Who gives a F if you are sick of me anyway !!!
Mimolicious Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) Your and idiot !!!... First of all I love my son he is the best thing ever. We were at my girlfriends house and while she was doing my hair and I was chatting my son was outside and in the other room playing with her son who he rarely gets to see. My son is seven, we are super close. He still cuddles but would most the time rather play with his friends. He had a Great time. I take my son out almost every week for a Mom and Son date (just me and him).. So what if MM needs a little extra attention in his life right now ?? He has been a fierce student for four years straight and worked full time the whole entire time as well. He admits this is a Hard time in his life and that he is in Transition. I am happy to be there for him especially because he was so there for me a few months ago when I probably had the most stressful time of my life. He let me carry on and hardly said anything about any of his concerns or issues. So it's his turn to vent and that is 100% okay with me. Plus he doesn't really need that much attention just "enjoys my company" As for my internship : My boss is GREAT and very sweet. I think I am doing far more than she expected and actually feel bad because I keep bothering her with more and more things I would like to implement. Actually going to walk over there right now and ask her a couple of things. Who gives a F if you are sick of me anyway !!! You mean, You're, not YOUR. Ok, why the insults and the name calling? You can actually get flagged or banned for such attitude. Where the fack in my post did I call you anything? Umm... Hey listen, if you are fine with being each others crutches, who am I. Who said anyone is sick of you? Perhaps, you may want to learn how to read. I said I was "tired FOR you". But to be honest, I really dont give a F. There you have it... now, I said it. Not just you putting words in my mouth that I never said. Better sweetpea? How old are you, again? You sound like someone that can't handle ANY type of opinion. Edited May 16, 2011 by Mimolicious
Author vweb1218 Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Whoa! I'm tired for you. Ever heard about "Jack of all trades and master of none"? I bet if I asked you what where you doing while you took your son out, you may say honestly say "typing on my phone to my MM". Am I somewhat right? Did you really dedicated undivided attention to your boy? A grown a$$ man needs all this attention? *RED FLAG* Is someone that requires all this amniotic fluid in his life attractive? Babyjesusindiapers! God bless your heart for having the patience and free time to offer this dude. I am sure that in all that multi-tasking, you are stealing time from your intership, your employer and your son to feed the ego and emptyness of another human being. Hope it doesn't burn you out, bebe. Good luck! First line: I am tired of you !!! So why do you keep reading my posts then ?
Author vweb1218 Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 I read it quick .. But still don't like that you are trying to imply that I don't pay full attention to my child. I am a Great Mom !! and love being a Mom as well !
Mimolicious Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I read it quick .. But still don't like that you are trying to imply that I don't pay full attention to my child. I am a Great Mom !! and love being a Mom as well ! I never really said that but let's be for real. There are 24hrs in one day and if you apply 11 of those (off and on conversation with ANYONE) that takes away attention from another. NO? I've been guilty of this... I'm not picking on you, trust me I am not. I've been in your place (well not as having an A and being OW but in the distraction of entertaining someone and missing out of few little things, later on added up). One day you'll realize this on your own. Live and learn babylove. That's life. Good that you are a great mom and that you love being one. That's your primary role in life now. A little guy fully depends on you. That's a great responsibility!
BB07 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Why are you here on LS vs? You don't seem to want any support, nor do you have an questions. You get angry when you don't like what is said but yet you have said many times that you have no doubts and that you have complete faith in your ability to see that truth, so I gotta wonder. Who are you trying to convince.......us or yourself? If you are that sure of all you've written, maybe you are just here to tell your story?
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