Jazzari Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I'm in an LDR and went to visit last weekend. The trip was fantastic and he asked me to make things facebook official. I said yes. His actions and words over the weekend were move loving than ever though "I love you" has still not been said. But that's ok, I'm fine with taking it slow. We've been seeing each other about 5 months. He said he needed to talk to his kids before changing his status. I waited a few days and then gave him a poke about it. He immediately changed his status and said his kids loved me. He asked me to change mine as well. So everything is great. This is the first time he's changed it since his divorce 5 years ago. I know its not something he would do lightly. BUT. Before we emailed 2-3 time per day. Ever since I got home, it's only once a day. What's up with that? His emails are still just as wonderful as ever. He's not distant and doesn't show any signs of losing interest except for the reduced contact. I'm going up there Mem weekend and he says how excited his family will be to see me (and him too). Things are great and moving forward. But what is up with the lack of emails all of a sudden? And no, I won't ask him. I don't want to push or appear insecure. Any ideas? I'm so confused.
Nexus One Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I think the higher frequency of e-mails in the beginning could have been part of the chase. After a while men quit chasing or lower the intensity as the "the chase" can be quite exhausting mentally. It's why most guys don't chase endlessly after a girl if she doesn't reciprocate. I call it chase fatigue. It's doesn't have to mean he likes you less now, but he perhaps he has now become more comfortable in the feeling that he has won you over.
iJester Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Ask him. Whether you want to appear insecure or not, you are, so you may as well just give yourself the peace of mind of knowing. He probably just thinks that at 5 months in, it's not necessary to give periodic status updates. Those nice little lovey dovey things he says, start to mean less if it's done so frequently. I'd start to feel like it was just going through the motions long before 5 months.
2sunny Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 he may be paying attention to something/someone else since you got home. people get busy. facebook is ridiculous... why are you even focusing on such a superficial resource?
Author Jazzari Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 It's doesn't have to mean he likes you less now, but he perhaps he has now become more comfortable in the feeling that he has won you over.This is what I'm hoping for. people get busy. facebook is ridiculous... why are you even focusing on such a superficial resource?Being publically acknowledged is a big deal and not at all superficial. Both of us take it very seriously. And besides that, when you love someone you kinda want to shout it out to the world.
2sunny Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 This is what I'm hoping for. Being publically acknowledged is a big deal and not at all superficial. Both of us take it very seriously. And besides that, when you love someone you kinda want to shout it out to the world. it's an illusion... and you are buying into it. IF he loves you he won't keep it long distance. most keep distance further for reasons that work to their advantage... minimal effort to "pretend" it's something more than what it actually is. men generally like their woman by their side - everyday - unless they have "other options" or are inadequate at high intimacy levels. it's usually designed this way for a reason when a man isn't capable of offering their "best"
denise_xo Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 it's an illusion... and you are buying into it. IF he loves you he won't keep it long distance. most keep distance further for reasons that work to their advantage... minimal effort to "pretend" it's something more than what it actually is. men generally like their woman by their side - everyday - unless they have "other options" or are inadequate at high intimacy levels. it's usually designed this way for a reason when a man isn't capable of offering their "best" Have a look in the LDR section - there are tons of very legitimate reasons why couples spend time in long distance relationships. To say that Jazzari is in a state of illusion is a HUGE assumption that I see no evidence for whatsoever in her thread.
Author Jazzari Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 1. What is an illusion? The relationship? His feeling for me? 2. "He won't keep it long distance" - And this is under his control...how? I won't move up there right now. We've only been dating for 5 months! Maybe down the line. But not now. 3. "Men generally like their woman by their side" - Sure they do. And I'd like to be there. It sucks when you fall for someone who lives far away. How does that invalidate anything? 4. "Minimal effort to pretend" - He drives 16 hours to spend a day and a half with me. If he wanted to play pretend, I'm sure he could find someone much closer. 5. His intimacy levels are just fine.
2sunny Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 1. What is an illusion? The relationship? His feeling for me? 2. "He won't keep it long distance" - And this is under his control...how? I won't move up there right now. We've only been dating for 5 months! Maybe down the line. But not now. 3. "Men generally like their woman by their side" - Sure they do. And I'd like to be there. It sucks when you fall for someone who lives far away. How does that invalidate anything? 4. "Minimal effort to pretend" - He drives 16 hours to spend a day and a half with me. If he wanted to play pretend, I'm sure he could find someone much closer. 5. His intimacy levels are just fine. ok - we shall see...
Author Jazzari Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 ok - we shall see...LOL! You may be right, though I certainly hope not. I know its very hard to judge a relationship based on a few sentences. But come on! At least wish me luck.
2sunny Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 LOL! You may be right, though I certainly hope not. I know its very hard to judge a relationship based on a few sentences. But come on! At least wish me luck. absolutely! positive energy going your way for lots of happiness!
Author Jazzari Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 absolutely! positive energy going your way for lots of happiness! *grin* Thank you and back atcha.
donnamaybe Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I think the higher frequency of e-mails in the beginning could have been part of the chase. After a while men quit chasing or lower the intensity as the "the chase" can be quite exhausting mentally. It's why most guys don't chase endlessly after a girl if she doesn't reciprocate. I call it chase fatigue. It's doesn't have to mean he likes you less now, but he perhaps he has now become more comfortable in the feeling that he has won you over. This is precisely what I thought upon reading your opener J.
whichwayisup Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 How long distance you are two? Why not just talk on the phone more instead of emails? Don't feel insecure or doubt him because you're only getting one email now instead of two. Trust what you share with him! He changed his FB status and his kids really like you. He would not have done that if he was about to change his mind about you.
2sunny Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 How long distance you are two? Why not just talk on the phone more instead of emails? Don't feel insecure or doubt him because you're only getting one email now instead of two. Trust what you share with him! He changed his FB status and his kids really like you. He would not have done that if he was about to change his mind about you. he would if he was the kind of guy who retreats as soon as the commitment is on the table. i agree with the phone calls - a voice tells you so much more than an empty email... he should be willing to pick up the phone and speak to you often!!! and HE should be considering adjusting his life for YOU... IF you are his top priority - he will make that happen instead of you making those changes for him...
Author Jazzari Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 How long distance you are two? Why not just talk on the phone more instead of emails? Don't feel insecure or doubt him because you're only getting one email now instead of two. Trust what you share with him! He changed his FB status and his kids really like you. He would not have done that if he was about to change his mind about you. Neither one of us really enjoy talking on the phone. We do Skype sometimes which is much better. It's about an 8 hour drive one way. Thanks for the words of encouragement! It just felt odd for things to move forward in one area and decrease in another at the same time.
2sunny Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Neither one of us really enjoy talking on the phone. We do Skype sometimes which is much better. It's about an 8 hour drive one way. Thanks for the words of encouragement! It just felt odd for things to move forward in one area and decrease in another at the same time. does he come to visit you? if so, how often?
Author Jazzari Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 [/b] and HE should be considering adjusting his life for YOU... IF you are his top priority - he will make that happen instead of you making those changes for him...I can't agree with this one. He has school age children. They are his top priority right now and they should be. Also, he has a successful career while my work from home is more of a hobby. It would be insanity for him to drop his kids and job and move here. And honestly, if he was the type to turn his back on his children, I wouldn't want him. He is willing to drive here and spend a weekend, where if I drive there I can stay an entire week. But when I can't do that for whatever reason, he makes the effort to come here. Right now, I can't stay there while he has his children per the divorce agreement. Which I agree with completely. But he has made noises about talking to his ex and working something out. So he is making an effort and taking some big steps.
Author Jazzari Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 does he come to visit you? if so, how often?I prefer to go there. He has a vacation home on the lake and I can stay an entire week. When he comes here, he can only stay about a day and a half. In 5 months, he's been here twice but offered to come here much more often. I just prefer to go there. He's also invited me to three family vacations that were out of town for both of us. I've accepted once.
bittersweet memories Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 (edited) This is what I'm hoping for. Being publically acknowledged is a big deal and not at all superficial. Both of us take it very seriously. And besides that, when you love someone you kinda want to shout it out to the world. delete---- Edited May 12, 2011 by bittersweet memories
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