newoman Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 OMG! I'm so nervous and haven't had anyone to confide in who could give me REAL input! In a nutshell, I've been married for 15 years and have children. My HS sweetheart found me last year on FB and our reuniting has turned into a full-fledged affair. Of course there are many, many facets to the whole thing, but that's what I think needs to be said to start with. I'm looking for support and guidance in my decision to stay with my husband to keep my kids' growing years stable while keeping a relationship with my hs sweetheart. It feels good to finally get some of this off of my chest!
BB07 Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 [quote=newoman;3395979 I'm looking for support and guidance in my decision to stay with my husband to keep my kids' growing years stable while keeping a relationship with my hs sweetheart. You won't get much support for what you want here at LS. BTW..........affairs get complicated and tend to blow up and hurt a lot of people. Perhaps you should hang around and read the real life stories here when things do blow up and see for yourself how many people get hurt.
whichwayisup Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I'm looking for support and guidance in my decision to stay with my husband to keep my kids' growing years stable while keeping a relationship with my hs sweetheart. Keep googing. LS is not a place, especially in this section, that supports affairs, let alone staying married and still having the affair. Why not just come clean and tell your husband the truth? Decide together to have an open marriage that way he can have an OW or a MW on the side like you have your guy? Why should YOU be the one cheating and getting all needs met? Why betray and lie, manipulate to get what YOU want? All on the expense of your innocent husband and children? Is your HS sweetheart married as well?
2sunny Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 we don't have a "cake eater" section here at this forum. being that selfish and self centered - there's no one here who can help you justify using people for your own selfish means - while claiming to love them at the same time. that contradiction is never a reasonable conversation - there's just too many conflicts from the cheaters perspective... and a complete waste of time and energy convincing them otherwise. look in the mirror... do you like what you have become?
Mimolicious Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 we don't have a "cake eater" section here at this forum. being that selfish and self centered - there's no one here who can help you justify using people for your own selfish means - while claiming to love them at the same time. that contradiction is never a reasonable conversation - there's just too many conflicts from the cheaters perspective... and a complete waste of time and energy convincing them otherwise. look in the mirror... do you like what you have become? They have become tooooo many. Reeks like it already.
whichwayisup Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 They have become tooooo many. Reeks like it already. Just realized this. Gotta love trolls, they certainly use the same theme over and over again. Happy other woman or happy MW to cheat and stay married.
Memphis Raines Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 In a nutshell, I've been married for 15 years and have children. My HS sweetheart found me last year on FB and our reuniting has turned into a full-fledged affair. Of course there are many, many facets to the whole thing, but that's what I think needs to be said to start with. lemme guess, like what? your H not fullfilling every one of your little needs, the marriage isn't as fun as it use to be because of the daily trials of raising a family, someone he drove you into the arms of another man, yadda yadda, blah blah? I'm looking for support and guidance in my decision to stay with my husband to keep my kids' growing years stable while keeping a relationship with my hs sweetheart. sorry honey, nobody in this part of the forum is interested, unless they are simply unscrupulous pieces of ****, in giving you advice on how to keep screwing over your family by being with this other guy. So basically you want to keep cheating on your husband, keep him in the marriage for your own selfish reasons until the kids are all grown up, thus wasting precious years of your husband's life when he could be out finding a decent woman, then you'll leave him. Sound about right? Sorry, you want coddling and advice on how to keep the betrayal of someone else alive? go to the OW/OM section of this site. you'll get plenty of people that like to keep affairs going. this is a part of the site where most people come to deal with the pain handed to them by people like you.
2long Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 And why would anyone post more than one post after such a welcome? Newoman, your kids will be better off if you divorce your husband. They will know to go for love and happiness in their lives instead of staying in a stale, dead marriage. But they'll never know what love and happiness really are. Or where they come from. No matter. Just like funerals aren't really about dead people (they're about the living and their memories), troll threads aren't about/for the troll -ol' 2long
robf1971 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Of course they will. When they see their parents move on to healthy, loving relationships instead of clinging to a dead one "for the sake of the children". Poor children, who have to carry the weight of keeping together a relationship which should be done and over with. Not if the OP lives under a bridge
Howcanthisbe Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Sorry, I gotta say that you need to think about what you are suggesting! I am 4 weeks after finding out about my wife of 15 years, 2 year affair and it has destroyed me. Please for god sake make a decision. It is not worth the pain for both your husband and yourself. It just is not worth it. If you do, and it comes out in the wash, not only will you destroy your family but you will destroy yourself also. Please, please, please think again.
2long Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Yes, it is. Falling in love with someone other than your husband shows it's high time to move on. Something is missing, otherwise you wouldn't fill it with love for another man. No it isn't. Falling in love with someone other than your husband shows that you don't know what love really is and that you've already rewritten his2ry so that you can dehumanize your husband by alledging that after 15 years, you didn't have true love for him. Something IS missing, that is true enough. COMMON SENSE. Falling in love is not love. It's chemistry. Love is a choice, not a feeling. Happiness is not getting what you want, it's wanting what you have. -ol' 2long
Memphis Raines Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 this is obviously a troll post designed to hurt those who are dealing with the pain of being cheated on. Its obviously someone who created a 2nd user just to post this one thing. I suggest everyone alert the first post and request the threads removal.
Author newoman Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 Thanks, everyone, for your responses. I only saw the first response yesterday before I turned off the computer and it had me thinking... I guess I needed the wake up call. I know what I'm doing is destructive. I know it's ridiculous, too. I don't know why I'm choosing him over my family. Really, I'm just all sorts of confused and twisted and torn and lost. I really do love TOM, I think if we were more mature when we first knew each other, we would have been the ones married with kids. I love my husband, too. I know, sounds crazy (and that's how I feel). I know I should break it off with TOM because I want my family to succeed SO BAD! I want to be my kids' hero, not their villain! Now, how do I do that without destroying TOM's life??? I' sorry if I'm all over the place. Thanks for taking the time with me. I need people who are going to be honest and frank with me, even if it's what I don't want to hear.
2long Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Congra2lations on realizing that your affair is wrong and needs 2 end. As 2 how you end it without destroying the OM's life? Take a step back and consider the damage that's been done 2 your family. It started when you chose 2 have an affair. You should confess your affair 2 your husband, giving him the oppor2nity 2 make his own choices about his fu2re. He deserves 2 know who he's married 2. Secrecy has no place in a committed relationship. As for the OM and his life? He similarly made a poor choice 2 have an affair with a married woman and mother of someone else's children. He'll have 2 face the consequences of having done that. There's really nothing you can do (and definitely nothing you SHOULD do) 2 mitigate that. It is what it is. You need 2 establish boundaries 2 protect your marriage from interlopers like the OM in fu2re. The sooner you can go No Contact with the OM, for the rest of your lives, the better your chances at re-earning your husband's trust for you. In the end, it is none of your business what goes on in the OM's life, because you are married and promised 2 forsake others like the OM for life. Likewise, it's none of his business what's going on in your marriage, which he should have respected by staying out of it. So, no "updates" on how you or the OM are doing down the road. If you need professional help 2 end your affair and recover your marriage, be sure 2 find a pro-marriage counselor, not one of those 'feel-good' types who simply tell you what you want 2 hear. -ol' 2long
Author newoman Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 Thanks so much, 2long! I was seeing one of those "feel good" councilors and I was really starting to hate it. I'm going to break it of with OM today. I hope I'm making the right steps. This is going to be hard, the road to recovery, huh?
2long Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Yes it will! But the most worthwhile things in life are not ever easy. Be sure 2 confess the affair 2 your husband. I can't stress enough how important it is that you do this before much time passes. There are few instances where a wayward shouldn't confess. One would be if your husband is prone 2 violence. In a case like that, it might be prudent 2 confess with the help of a good marriage counselor, in a session 2gether. -ol' 2long
ladydesigner Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 That's great newoman. Not sure if you have heard of NC (no contact), but it will be essential to your marriage and your recovery. Be sure when you end with your AP that you tell him there is to be NC, then block and delete any email addresses and phone numbers. Best of luck to you, your marriage, and healing!
What_Next Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Breaking things off with OM is of course essential. However, be sure to confess this to your husband. I am sure some of the cheating cheerleaders will be along suggesting you not tell your husband, but for heavens sakes DO NOT LISTEN to them. A marriage based upon lies and deception is no marriage. Give your husband a chance to make the decision on staying with you on his own. Send the kids away and sit him down and tell him the truth. He deserves it. As for the OM, to be honest, to hell with him. He made his decision. He does not deserve protection. Why are you worried about what will happen to him? Why, because in your own confused, jumbled mind you have 'feelings' for him, you care for him. Nonsense, bull____. He made his own mess by willingly taking up with another mans wife. Personally I hope your husband 'deals' with him. I know given the chance I will 'deal' with the idiot that my wife got involved with. Your mind is going a million miles per hour right now, and that is normal. you have taken the first step on a long journey. Strap in and hold on.
Author newoman Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 I can't believe I did it! I'm not sure how I'm gonna be strong enough to stay away! I've broke it off before and gone back. There are issues in my marriage and I'm afraid if I tell hubby he will leave me. I can't stand the thought of breaking up my kids' home, even though, I know I've already done that by cheating. I need some advice and support. HELP!
ladydesigner Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I can't believe I did it! I'm not sure how I'm gonna be strong enough to stay away! I've broke it off before and gone back. There are issues in my marriage and I'm afraid if I tell hubby he will leave me. I can't stand the thought of breaking up my kids' home, even though, I know I've already done that by cheating. I need some advice and support. HELP! I know my view isn't popular, but you decide what is best for your family. I also do not want to break up my family at this point (I am a BS who had a revenge affair), and have chosen not to disclose. You decide. See a marriage counselor or an independent counselor and take it day by day. I for one would never let anonymous people on a forum dictate my decision for me. Only you can decide what you want to do.
ladydesigner Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Oh and congrats on ending it with the OM. Stay strong, you can do it!!
Author newoman Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 Thanks, Lady. I'm trying to read everything and balance it all out. I've too many times let others influence my decisions, sometimes to the point of losing myself! This experience (the affair) has been EYE OPENING for me! I've done lots of self-discovery and self examination. It's been really scary at times. Right now all I can focus on is getting over OM, so I can work on my marriage, or what's left of it. There are other hurdles I'll need to jump when I get there, but I need to jump this one first.
2long Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Please reconsider telling your husband the truth. My W believed she'd ended her affair 2 months before I found out, and she was planning on seeing how she felt over time before deciding 2 tell me about the affair in a couple more years. The fact that she didn't confess and that I found explicit emails between them was bad enough. If she had kept it secret for years after ending it, I would have not wanted 2 stay married. It would have been far better if she'd confessed and sought my help in making sure that there was no further contact. I don't think a WS can do it on their own, and you said yourself that you've tried 2 go NC before and always reconnected. So, please give this some serious thought. -ol' 2long
jnj express Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 You say what's left of your mge----Have you told your H. As of right now, you may have marital problems, but not like what will hit when you tell your H----as in do you know what a nuclear winter is like????? Let me ask you something---what was so wrong with your mge, that you had to/are attempting to destroy it---How bad could it have been, for you to just plain forget that your H., and kids exist---for that is what you have done What was so hot about your scumbag lover---for that is what he is, and please don't defend him, cuz he knew every step of the way---he was aiding in destroying the lives of your kids--------was he your 1st love---obviously he wasn't that wonderful, cuz you dumped him back then---why take up with him now. How much time did you actually, forcefully, really spend in attempting to work out marital problems, lets say for instance in the last year---did you spend one hour, three hours, 6 hours, maybe a total of 24 hours, one week---how much time, for your mge????----as opposed to how much time did you spend, planning, sneaking, conniving, manipulating, participating in your affair---weeks, months, years------its pretty uneven, ain't it So once again---ball is in your court---as to H.---does this stay a dark, dirty little secret you will take to your grave As to scumbag lover----are you really going NC---can you really cut him off cold turkey Bigger bottom line---WHAT IN YOUR LIFE COULD BE MORE IMPRTANT THAN YOUR FLESH AND BLOOD KIDS------if you re-contact scumbag---we have our answer don't we!!!!!!!!
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