SlowBlues Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Okay I understand that...any idea how much time? i know thats a dumb question..i just wish i could get my act together already. I'm consumed by this rejection and guilt and fear. There's no definitive answer to that. You cannot set a time limit on things. You need to give it enough time so that you really understand what it is to live without him. At the same time you will be giving him the space that he needs to heal himself. This could be many months. But what you have to do is break the patterns that you've established within yourself right now. No Contact with someone you are in love with is one of the hardest things you can do. But it is necessary when they ask for space. The result is that either he will end up contacting you after some amount of time (weeks, months) or you will come to a point where you are less emotional about the whole thing and will either move on or be able to establish contact with him to catch up. But you can't be sitting around waiting for this to happen. You need to live your life like he is not in it, because right now he isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
rayne05us Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Well now you have to make yourself happy...and I am telling you from experience there is NOTHING like it...and it is essential to living your life to the fullest. Think about it, if you depend on someone else for your happiness then that means they also have the power to take it away whenever they want ( like in this situation) This time, make your self happy...what something you've always wanted to do, somewhere you want to go etc...And keeping your happiness as a priority will actuallay ADD to a relationship, it's proven. For me, one thing I did was I went to DC by myself...it wasnt a huge tropical island trip, but it's somewhere I love. And I got WHATEVER I wanted to do and ate whatever I wanted to, the whole 9!! And I came back home and felt amazing and I know that as long as I keep myself happy no one can take it away...and that in itself makes me very happy )) Link to post Share on other sites
cdeyoung Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Make yourself happy. You know what, I feel like **** too. Why? My woman cheated on me with her ex, got PREGNANT by her ex, and is now LIVING IN A HOUSE with her ex. But life goes on. I will be happy again, even though I am angry now and depressed. Life goes on. The brutal and honest truth about life is that it does not give a flying **** about any one of us. It waits for nobody. It just goes on. You will love again. You will get married one day. Those same things will happen to me, and they will happen to everybody. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Honestly speaking, I also don't understand why my ex-bf doesn't want me anymore. However, this is no longer important. He doesn't want me and this is the reality and fact. I've also learnt greatly about this, "When a person truly wants to be with you will not resist being with you." When you will get back yourself is how long you want to put yourself in the hurt and depress mode. It takes time, however don't take too much time. Link to post Share on other sites
Delilah5 Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 I had a horrible dream again last night. I try so hard not to think of him with women but there i was again having a dream that I see him in his car and there's a girl with him and he's all affectionate with her. I'm so miserable without him. Our place is so lonely without him and his things. I just dont get it. I picture him right now probably at home preparing for work, texting girls, like why does my absence not matter to him? Why doesn't he miss me?? I don't understand he still seems to be confused about what he wants....yet not confused about not wanting to be with me.... last contact was on sunday (as a reminder) where i asked him to please come home or to at least be ready to give us a second chance and 2 hrs later he replied and said "I got your text. i am thinking of how, when, or if replying is really the right thing to do" what does that mean? I mean when he wanted us to date...he had said he wants us to start fresh and date and what I said was that i could totally agree to that but only if its just me...not him dating anyone else and he couldn't agree to that. he said that to him would mean that we are exclusive again and that he wasn't ready for that. i told him that we could go slow and he said he doesn't even think i am able to go slow. that i just want him to move back in right away and that he doesnt think thats a good idea. so then i printed out articles and things from this forum that said you cant be friends or date your ex while they date others. and he understood that that would just hurt me. and so he agreed to not ever contact me. then (not with telling me) my friend ended up calling him and basically very firmly telling him to never contact me again and to just disappear out of my life. So those are the reasons why he said he doesn't know IF replying is the right thing to do....because he doesnt want to contact me. But i dont get it. I mean this doesnt seem like he will ever come back, he will never regret any of this, and he's just moved on and thats that. i cant believe he doesnt text me and i mean i know that hes making sure he doesnt but still. i would think that if he really wanted to....like if he regretted anything or was considering giving us a second chance he would text me. i have no hope huh? this just is what it is it's been a month since he got his apt. and he did it up all nicely. i'm sure he loves it. and he invited me over a few times back then and i was very uncomfortable there. so theres no memory of me there whatsoever and then its been 2 and a half weeks that we dont contact each other and havent seen eachother. to me thats a long time. i feel so sad but for him it seems to be like nothing. like 2 and a half weeks is nothing...he's just as confused as he was when we first broke up at the end of feb. he's not figured anything out except that he's enjoying his new apt, his freedom, and i dont matter in his life i feel like contacting him and asking him to lunch. i want to see him. i feel like if he were to see me and i were to see him we would spark something up. but i wont do it. i wont. cause i know that theres a huge posibility that he wont even agree to see me. he may say its not a good idea...and then if he were to agree to it...maybe i would still be too emotional. i am too activated and when we say bye i would probably cry. what can i do? Sadly, you need to let it go. This is obviously tearing you up, but you yourself are answering the questions you have. You keep saying that it seems like it's nothing to him and that it doesn't matter. You are RIGHT. It is nothing to him and it doesn't matter. You have to move on in your life and take each day as it comes. You have to work throught the grief and get over him. If seeing him would be too emotional, then avoiding him is much better. Make a list of the things that were good about him and the things that were bad. If the bad list says "He doesn't care" that should ANGER you. It's him and not you. Find someone that's worth your time. He just isn't any more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 20, 2011 Author Share Posted May 20, 2011 Sadly, you need to let it go. This is obviously tearing you up, but you yourself are answering the questions you have. You keep saying that it seems like it's nothing to him and that it doesn't matter. You are RIGHT. It is nothing to him and it doesn't matter. You have to move on in your life and take each day as it comes. You have to work throught the grief and get over him. If seeing him would be too emotional, then avoiding him is much better. Make a list of the things that were good about him and the things that were bad. If the bad list says "He doesn't care" that should ANGER you. It's him and not you. Find someone that's worth your time. He just isn't any more. It should make me angry but for now all it does is hurt. he blew me off after i wrote that super heartfelt message to him like nothing he just blew me off he's blowing me off now not caring about me at all i wonder if i should have remained in contact with him like he wanted so maybe he sees this as me being the mean one? i dunno Link to post Share on other sites
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