llodell88 Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 (edited) 22 and 21; 2 year relationship, said he wanted me back a couple times and changed his mind. He said he didn't want to hear anymore emotional "jargon" from me anymore the last time we txted but I ran into him later and he said he failed his take home test and needed space, like a month or at least after finals, to think so I was just wondering... I have all these things in mind that I need to to say that he doesn't know, because he was to insecure to realize them unless I told him all the time. I'm scared hes going to magnify all the bad things in his head, because thats the way he thinks, and the longer he goes without seeing me the worse his memories will be, and I wasn't myself the last time I saw him so I don't want that to be the last times I talk to him before we go on this 'break' I know I'm being really weak but he said he broke up with me because he wasn't feeling close enough or getting enough love or affection and I always felt I was the needy one...and now that I know what he needs it hurts that I can't give it too him...i have so many things in my head that I want to do for him and change and he won't let me... Anyway, this is the hardest thing I've ever been through, and its been going on for over a month now. Even before we broke up I wasn't really myself, I was sleep deprived, and the days I saw him, I realy was about me, and that's not how it is usually, so I know those are the days that are most vivid in his mind. Another thing, he has this wikia that he was spending literally all day on the last few days I was with him and he it was driving me nuts and I thought he was just too into it to pay attention to me...I was blinded by a lot of things. I'm constantly worrying about what he wants and I like i said I always assume I need more than he does so I don't ask. Should I contact him or not? He told me hes really stressed about a lot of things...hes sick, has problems with his brothers, school, some girls he made friends with the same week he dumped me - one is about to move in a week and a half and the other one's gf won't let her hang out with him out of jealousy (he breaks up with me about every 6 months, usually after he meets some new people, cause he never had any good close friends and these people he hangs out with like everyday and he hasn't had that from anyone in years) and failed his takehome test right before the last time we talked the last time i ran into him he did say he just doesn't know if he cares anymore, but before when we got back together he said he loved me, and there haven been days where hes acted like he cares. also he the time before that he said he doesn't like sensitive things anymore, and that hes not sure i fhe can ever go back to normal... he acts like I hurt him badly and this why I think he magnifies things in his head, hes the most sensitive guy I've ever known and I don't want that to change because of something stupid I did Edited May 12, 2011 by llodell88
justagirrl Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Im almost in the same situation as you. I'm 20 and he's 22. We're both in college (he actually is graduating on sunday). Although we were only dating for 5 months and not in an "official, exclusive" relationship...we were very close. We met over winter break in December and saw each other almost everyday until we had to start classes again in January. I noticed when classes, and school work started up again, he changed. He was telling me he's really really busy, or he has papers and presentations to do and can't hangout...I started to feel like I wasn't a priority anymore and felt like I was being needy, I just missed the way it was when we had so much time. So you said he was feeling stress because he failed a take-home test. I'm kicking myself now because I got a C in one of my classes that required a lot of time and a lot, i mean A LOT of work. And my lack of focus because of my confusion with our relationship led me to not put forth all the work I should have done. Maybe he was really stressed because of that, because I know how stressed I was when I had really important assignments =/ It's no excuse to change emotions, but I could understand how maybe he could have used some space. So that's what I tried to give him. I went without texting him starting on a Wednesday I think (this was before finals week started). That weekend I think Saturday night, I got a text from him really late at night when I was out at a bar with my friends. He was acting very enthusiastic saying "how are you?!" "where are you?!" ...calling me baby, love, <333.......whatever. I think the fact that he realized I was going NO CONTACT bothered him and he wanted to make sure he still had me...all guys are sensitive, they just don't wanna show it until it's too late. Just go No Contact...Seriously try it. You're going to feel very powerful, and if he misses you and really cares about you like he said he did, then he will come back to you the way he was. No Contact sucks and is extremely hard...but sometimes you have to test the waters. I hope I was helpful? =/
Author llodell88 Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 yeah i dont think i mentioned that its been almost a month and a half since the intitial breakup and I have been contacting him about some things...like i said he wanted to get back together a couple times and i had to wait for him to make his decisions on that and there has been some back and forth texting. like i said, i haven't been myself and i'm scared by now there aren't a lot of good memories, he couldn't even remember what he did the last day we were together before we broke up. ive been kicking myself over bad grades too. i switched my major because i thought he wanted me to make more money and took 6 classes last semester because he criticized me for being in community college for 2 years even though i switched my major 3 times (this is really one of the few things he criticizes me about and probably the worst thing he has criticized me about). The last time I was with him after the time we got back together he said it wasn't right to change your major after i said lots of people do it and it really hurt me because I was only trying to make the best decision and a lot of it was influenced by what i thought he wanted even though he never told me to do anything
justagirrl Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 (edited) That's the worst...I know how you feel. How has the back and forth texting been going? I know for me, things just weren't the same, and the texting had a whole different vibe than it used to...Also, this whole thing has caused you to not act like yourself....same here. This is what I was thinking...I'm not myself right now, if he says something that's going to upset me, I'm gonna come back and say something I don't mean or say something without thinking about it. That's why I convinced myself No Contact is best for a little while. Give it space, breathing time... I don't know if you read Cosmo...but there's a great article in the May 2011 edition called "Your Secret Love Weapon (It's Called the Rubber-Band Effect)." This isn't the actual article, but this girl who read it posted this on her blog I guess and it definitely related to me, and I think it could maybe help you with considering the "Rubber-band effect" too...worked for me, after 3 days of not texting him, I was on his mind and he contacted me: http://www.strugglesofaloveaddict.com/2011/04/rubber-band-effect-getting-him-to-want.html Also, never let a man make you feel like you're not good enough, especially in school Edited May 12, 2011 by justagirrl
kaycstamper Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I vote for letting him go. If he wanted to be around you he would. So knowing he doesn't want to be with you, why would you want to be with him?
Recommended Posts