Blueberry7691 Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I'm a failure at NC. What helps you stick with NC?
silvermane187 Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Remembering how every time I broke NC in the past it just set me back.
Kristie16 Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Thinking about how he didn't want to be with me so he broke up with me. By me contacting him, I'll further be giving him credence to his line that I had become clingy and needy. Also, and this is something that hit me last night. On the day he called and broke up with me, I later text asking if we could talk for a few more minutes because I had some more questions. He said he would call me later. He never did. I had to end up calling him a few days later. He couldn't even bother to return a call to me. After a year of being together. He once said he wanted to marry me and he couldn't respect me enough to call me back. Why do I think he wants to talk to me now? Sure, he would be nice and indulge me and respond to my text or talk to me for a few minutes on the phone. But that's just it _ he'd be indulging me and I'd seem pathetic in his eyes. I'm not pathetic.
stopthemadness Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Hi, I go to see a therapist so i know some coping skills. When ever you feel like you want to call or contact them. Play out the whole thing in your mind. Would they even answer you call? would they even respond to your text? Would what they have to say just make you feel worse then you do right now? Could any good come out of it? If they were mean or rude, wouldnt that be very hurtful to you and just set you back? Me personally I dont ever contact my ex and dont think I ever will because i just cant take anymore rejection from him!! I just cant. Ive had 3+ months of N/C he reached out to me just Monday!! YEa it was crazy..But I didnt respond and am not going to. Hes with other lady off and on so i hear. Iam not gona lie. Him just texting me has put me in a little mind change.See, See what i mean!! No good can come out of it..N/C N/C N/C
dng Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I'm a failure at NC. What helps you stick with NC? Everybody is different and I don't know what you are dealing with. In my case, I don't break NC because I know she's dishonest. On the other side of NC, there would only be disappointment and yet another reminder that she can never be the person I think she is.
GreenPolicy Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Everything about my ex is a dry well: - getting back together ( couldn't trust her not to bail again, even if she came back) - an apology for how she treated me ( she broke up with me in a heartless and cruel manner) - getting answers to my questions ( she didn't want to have a discussion about us and our relationship seven months ago, so she's not going to want to have that talk now) - the breakup and circumstances surrounding it making any kind of sense ( it doesn't make sense when somebody is talking about engagement rings five days before they dump you) - getting closure in the traditional sense when a relationship between two emotionally healthy people ends ( she broke up with me and basically fled the relationship with little explanation five days after she was telling me what kind of ring she wanted, two weeks after we went to look at wedding bands, a month after she told me her parents wanted to meet mine so the future in-laws could get acquainted, six weeks after emailing me wedding venue suggestions and calling me her fiance). Anything I could possibly want from my ex (being able to go back to the relationship and trusting her again, getting an apology, getting answers, getting closure, being able to analyze the relationship and it making sense), no water is getting drawn from the well that she represents. I am nowhere close to being completely healed and detached, and emotionally cannot risk what I might find out about her life by breaking NC. It's like a drug, I sometimes really crave getting the fix that my ex represents, but breaking NC is something I absolutely will not do (and that includes googling her, looking at her social networking pages, etc). NC is not easy. It's emotional chemotherapy in a way, as in comes with huge, huge and painful side effects. But it's necessary to heal and get better.
EmperorR Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 That it won't change anything. It will set you back. I'm almost 3 months nc and I feel so good!
TooMuchPride Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 thinking about my first relationship , first break up , first heart break & how it took me an entire year to get over because i couldnt keep nc for longer than a month...actually 1 time i did 2 months...but other than that i broke it every month...rebroke my heart every month & i still never got him back...in this break up im 2 months nc...n so close to cracking but i just remember my first relationship ...gotta learn from your mistakes
radiodarcy Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 knowing full well that i won't get the response that i want. oh - - and that he'll fill me in on the details of his fabulous new girlfriend!
bl22 Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Reasons: I Dont want to disrespect myself She doesnt deserve to hear from me She doesnt deserve to know anything about me anymore I Dont want her to lose anymore respect for me I Dont want to appear desperate or needy I Dont want to give her an ego boost She should be the one to break NC I Dont want to get hurt again I Dont want to hear things that will upset me I Want to get over her I am Making good progress with NC There is just no point in breaking NC
ccfan Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Remembering how every time I broke NC in the past it just set me back. This man knows what he´s talking about.
Ghosst Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I made a list of all of the things that he did that hurt me and titled it Reasons to Keep Strong. When I forget these hurtful things and start to remember the good things and want to call or text, I read the list and that makes me remember why the relationship had to end. To ensure no drunk texting (I have failed here in the past), I give my phone to my best friend before intoxication sets in.....just as an insurance policy Now that I found this site, I log on to read the stories to keep me distracted.
ahoy Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 The fact that my life is mine, and her life is hers. There's no us, and never will be again - she tried to reconcile but it was too late, I'd already realised my life is better now than it ever was with her.
melenkurion Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I broke "no contact" just to ask him why he wasn't paying his phone bill as he had agreed. His reply to that enraged me so much it took me about two weeks to get any sense of equilibrium. I have no desire to put myself through all that pain again. I'm done.
Author Blueberry7691 Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 Reasons: I Dont want to disrespect myself She doesnt deserve to hear from me She doesnt deserve to know anything about me anymore I Dont want her to lose anymore respect for me I Dont want to appear desperate or needy I Dont want to give her an ego boost She should be the one to break NC I Dont want to get hurt again I Dont want to hear things that will upset me I Want to get over her I am Making good progress with NC There is just no point in breaking NC I love all these reasons. You all have great reasons to keep NC. I just need to remember them at my time of weakness. Thank you all!!!
otherfish Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 1. FEAR OF REJECTION 2. She will never admit her faults. 3. Believing that.....IT JUST WONT WORK and NOT MEANT TO BE. 4. Shutting my world down to merge into hers. 5. Her lack of affection. 6. Her do as I say, not as I do, attitude. 7. Her mothering of me. 8. Her controlling ways. 9. Her emotional walls built up around her. 10. Her lack of trust in men due to her childhood (father) and stepfather (cheated on her mother). 11. My relationship is tooooooo much work, it doesnt flow, always feel like Im walking on eggshells. 12. Her "little" questions to try to catch me lying. 13. Putting me in her box, to where I lose myself as an individual. 14. Her jealousy of my hobby. 15. She was at fault for the breakup and she needs to swallow her pride and fix it. 16. My belief that she was slowly checking out months prior to us actually ending things.
Call Me Al Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I have had two semi-setbacks in getting over her. They have been: 1). Her contacting a friend of mine to hang out, which led to me endlessly questioning the meaning behind it, etc. 2). A friend seeing her on a dating website, which led to me questioning if shes more 'over it' than I am, etc. Neither of these involved direct contact, but that alone was enough to set me back a bit. Take that and apply it towards an actual conversation with her...and I just dont see anything good coming out of it. Furthermore, its unlikely I will get the type of response I want. A heartfelt "Im sorry" and explanation/apology would be amazing....but its just not going to happen, ever.
VicJay79 Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I'm a failure at NC. What helps you stick with NC? BlueBerry, Its really hard. I am on a NC with my girl. I feel like such an idiot when I leave messages that never recieve responses.
VicJay79 Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I am busy with my own life. If he has something to say he knows where to find me. It is that simple. Thalia, I wish I had a life. I just work, and workout now a days. I am joining a mixed martial arts thing as well, just to pass the time.
BlindRage Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Well I just won't want to even talk to her anymore so no need to contact her.
0hpenelope Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I'm a failure at NC. What helps you stick with NC? When I remember that the most likely response I will get from him is nothing. He will ignore my phone call or text or e-mail. Him ignoring my contact is a form of rejection and he's already rejected me by breaking up with me. I do not take pleasure in feeling pain. I do not need him to reject me more than once for NC to stick. No thanks.
heartbroken555 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Well, here are MY reasons: - everytime i broke NC i ended up regretting it - I dont want to loose my respect - I dont want to loose any chance of her coming back even though im starting to realise it would never work anyways, because she will never change - I miss her, and want to be her friend, and miss her company, but i realise that im still healing and it wont be for a looooongtime. - I dont want her to think im desperate - I dont want to give her a Ego boost - I promised myself i wouldnt be like her EX, who was contacting her, even after 1 yr of her and me going out, and drunk calling her. ( i felt pity for him) - I dont want to hurt myself - I dont want to know about her, and her dates - I could say something then regret it later - I realised that even if we talked, or got back together, it would NEVER be te same
WiseOne1 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 It is easier to move on when you realize that the ball is in their court. After awhile you get sick of standing there waiting for the play and you do your own thing. Good luck. I agree, it's much easier when it's in there court. When it's in yours it's always a thought of what if, or maybe I should call and try this or whatever. What stops me from breaking contact is the simple fact, if they want me, they know where to find me.
chloe56 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Hmm, technically I was the dumper, but feel like the dumpee (don't know why I had to add that). Anyway, I sent him an email in February, just a "how are you doing" type, thinking that I was over the worst and can handle whatever outcome. He replied, said sorry as well for everything and that basically he had lost the feeling for me a long time ago. I saved the email, though I could recite it word for word. Every time I want to call or write him, I make myself remember the letter. It gets better though, slow progress indeed on my part but getting there.
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