Ex is making me crazy - did i do the right thing?

[ChigKarma]

My story

 

Me and my ex met for about 6 years ago, we were together 5 years where we lived together 4 years. She was 19 , and i was 24 at the time we met

 

Those four and a half first year were heaven on earth. We were both living a big dream, were we both felt we had met “the one”.

 

Then she got the GIGS, and did all the things described in the definition of GIGS. We still held together for about half a year, while at that time she was really doubting what she really wanted. But she never did anything to try to fix it, and she never let me try to fix it. And I did all the classic mistakes, stupid me!

 

Anyways, it did not end well, and I moved out.

 

After about two month I found myself in a rebound relationship. I didn’t identify it as a rebound relationship at the time, she gave me everything I so desperately craved from my ex, but it was not enough. And I did not see a future in the relationship, so I ended it. It lasted for about 6 months, and I hurt the poor girl quite bad. And I feel terrible about that. I really hoped that it would last.

 

Anyway, my ex found herself a new relationship after about three months of being single. (although I suspect they have been going on for quite a while) This don’t bother me at all.

 

When I was in this relationship, my ex contacted me quite often, most of the time just to talk. But sometimes I got mails and sms how much she missed me, and was unsure of the decision she made. When I moved out I told her I would not try again shortly after the break, it would have to go a while before we eventually could try again. Because I`m not the on/off kind of guy. So I stayed with my current gf.

 

But after my breakup with my rebound, she started calling me again, texting me and wanting to meet me. She told me she never had stopped thinking about me, and that I was in her thoughts every day, and could see a happy future with me. This was after 11 months of being apart. I agreed to take a coffee with her, and it turns out she was doubting her current relationship, and started flirting a lot with me. It was great really, but I had my doubts since she was in a relationship. So I told her that I`m not going to meet her while she is in a relationship, so after a while she left her bf and we started dating again and it went great. We both agreed that it would be the smartest to take things slow and see what happens. After around 6-7 of dates she started to act weird and it turns out she doesn’t really know what she wants. She told me she had gotten more in contact with the other guy, and they had a good tone. She is working with the guy, and most of her friends is around this guy. So they see each other all the time.

 

In our last meeting I told her that it was not good enough for me, and that if she wanted a second chance with me she had to decide what she really wanted. So I left and told her to give me a call if she decided what she wanted. She started crying and was terrified that she would never see me again. I did this mostly for my own sake, but also to try to force a decision from her. This is now around five days ago, and its making me crazy. I have decided not to contact her in any way, but unsure if I should reply if she contacts me?

 

My question is as simple as : Did I do the right thing?

 

Or should i have stayed in her life and made myself available?

 

I really do want another shot with this girl, but not some sort of half-hearted try from her side. She has to be all in, and ready to work for it.

 

I know she still has feelings for me, and I do have feelings for her..Baaah, I hate this stupid thing called love! It has to mean something when both of us still have strong feelings after 11 months?

 

Sorry for the grammar, English is not my native language.

Edited May 12, 2011 by ChigKarma
wierd stuff happened

[rayne05us]

Do not contact her...you want her to be 100% sure, right? And if she's not then why would you want her back? If she doesn't contact you, then it wasn't meant to be and you will have to move on. Do you for now. Don't make yourself available...she broke up with you!! Just do your thing for now and when she's ready, she will contact you. Just be prepared for anything you know. If she does want to work things out take it very slow, make sure both of you are on the same page.

[pd8mxq]

I totally agree with Rayne. She left and no matter what you do now, its up to her. Just do your own thing. Don't push her, she is confused with what she wants.

 

You want to take time between the first and the second try, 11 months sounds long but I have heard longer. Usually the longer the gap, the better it works the second time.

 

Short gaps just bring everything back to original.

 

You guys have been together for 5 years, she will have feelings for you for the next 5. She will always have. But that 'feeling' might be just as a close special friend rather than the feeling of a lover.

 

No matter what she still thinks of you and this is for sure.

[ChigKarma]

Alright, thanks for the replies

 

I`ll continue to stay out of her life for now.