CM2009 Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I've decided to try and work on the forgiveness portion of my life, a lot has went down recently in my life such as my Grandmother passing away a couple weeks ago. Just to let you know this I'm 32 and this the first real death that I've experienced so close me. And its making me take a good look at my life, I'm pretty good in most areas except one and that is forgiveness and which brings me to my ex wife who left me for a former friend of mines (they're still together) a couple of yrs ago. Even though the divorce has long been finalized at times I still find myself struggling with and how things went down. A lot of times I'm fine and don't really think too much about it and some days things are different. I recently spoken with her son (he's of the age to speak to me without his Mom's permission) and told him I had a basketball jersey that was to small for me and was going to give it to him once I returned from a business meeting out of town, and when I returned home I noticed a card of condolence from his Mom which was nice. Now I kind of feel bad for not calling her on her birthday while I was out of town and even though I knew it was her Bday and that also coupled with my grandmothers death has me really thinking about officially forgiving and completely move on. My question to those who've been here before do you really ever forgive?? I know you don't forget, let me know how you got through it. I understand that this is a process but also life's to short for me to carry on grudges, thanks for your help!!!!
Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Its a tough obstacle... I have dealt with alot of heartache and even though most of the time I really don't care about the past and don't think about it somtimes when dealing with them, the anger creeps in a bit.. I try to remind myself everyone is human and will make mistakes. Not necessarily by ending things with you. But how they did so things they might have done and said to hurt you on top of the break up.. The hardest part is when dealing with someone you know isn't sorry for how they treated you or atleast you don't see them as such because they have never offered an apology. To that I honestly feel sorry for them. I can forgive that they are human and make mistakes and see that I do the same thing. I try to apologize to people I have offended and hurt I always try to be a better person for myself because it makes me feel good. As I said before, just remember everyone makes mistakes so with or without an apology you have to accept people and love people for who they are "human"..
Author CM2009 Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 True and the main reason is because I really want to put all this behind me.
Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 That's great that you feel that way.. The truth is you can go through life harboring complete hate and anger for them but all that really does is effect you negativley. Even though feelings of my past still arise and I do get a bit of anger and pain from it. I have done my best to forgive and I think I have done very well. I don't feel the hate and complete rage I did anymore. Like you said in your first post. You won't ever forget.. But they are just lessons learned in life that have made us stronger people. Good luck and God bless!
Author CM2009 Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 That's great that you feel that way.. The truth is you can go through life harboring complete hate and anger for them but all that really does is effect you negativley. Even though feelings of my past still arise and I do get a bit of anger and pain from it. I have done my best to forgive and I think I have done very well. I don't feel the hate and complete rage I did anymore. Like you said in your first post. You won't ever forget.. But they are just lessons learned in life that have made us stronger people. Good luck and God bless! I have a question but you have talked face to face and told them you forgive them??? I've thought about but I haven't brought myself up to that level yet...
Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 No I haven't actually.. My recent breakup I haven't seen him in like 3 months. We didn't talk for a month then he emailed me. We have a son together and I recently got intouch with him about some finacial stuff. I am still upset with some things he is doing, so I even though I am not as angry as I was when we broke up almost 6 months ago. I still don't feel the need to clear the air or do anything to make him feel better. I don't think he really cares if I forgive him or not, he is one of those closed up people unable to express themselves. I feel in the future if he takes care of his responsibilitys and his son then we will beable to lay ground work for maybe having a conversation like that in the future. Like I said I don't really ever seeing us having any kind of talk about the past because he is just to emotionally blocked. But I have with past exs and it is very theraputic for both parties. I was happy at that time to make them feel better, I did make it clear that it dosen't make what they did ok. But I don't have any real remaining anger towards them and their actions.
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