Star Gazer Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Are you in la-la-love? That's great! Nooooo, not yet! But he's kinda awesome and we're having a great time!
alphamale Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 I don't get a player vibe from him at all despite the fact that he's incredibly good looking (to me). I probably laughed for 5 hours straight and had some really great conversation. the best players don't let you know you're being played...so go in with low expectations and an even lower hem line
ladyinlimbo Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 When I was younger; in my late 20s and early 30s, I would be really quite swept off my feet if some guy I was getting to know was so charming and attentive and making cutesy little jokes/comments about "a future." Looking back and remembering, I know in situations with guys like this I was naive and I'd fall for the charm hook, line and sinker. But I learned from those experiences. Now if I guy (I'm in my early 40s) tries that approach, I'm turned off immediately. There's a fine line between being humorous and witty and interestingly amusing and being a transparent a$$hat, IMO. Truly good and genuine guys don't have to employ such tactics to attract a woman nor would they want to.....because it's all really just carefully orchestrated acting and BS. I've learned from experience, too, that when a guy is wayyyyyyyy too gung-ho from the get-go; too sweet, too accommodating, too romantic, too thoughtful, to the point of laying it on thick and it seeming almost surreal, it's a crock. These are generally the fly-by-night types. Fast sizzle, quick fizzle. I'd prefer to develop a slow burn.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I have also found that the guys who come on really strong, fizzle out quite fast... This includes: - Joking about marriage on dates 1-3 - Talking about taking a trip together on dates 1-3 - Talking about meeting the parents on dates 1-3 - A never ending string of compliments about you on dates 1-3 So, be careful.
Author D-Lish Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Nooooo, not yet! But he's kinda awesome and we're having a great time! That's a great feeling! You deserve that! I'm really happy for you. When I was younger; in my late 20s and early 30s, I would be really quite swept off my feet if some guy I was getting to know was so charming and attentive and making cutesy little jokes/comments about "a future." Looking back and remembering, I know in situations with guys like this I was naive and I'd fall for the charm hook, line and sinker. But I learned from those experiences. Now if I guy (I'm in my early 40s) tries that approach, I'm turned off immediately. There's a fine line between being humorous and witty and interestingly amusing and being a transparent a$$hat, IMO. Truly good and genuine guys don't have to employ such tactics to attract a woman nor would they want to.....because it's all really just carefully orchestrated acting and BS. I've learned from experience, too, that when a guy is wayyyyyyyy too gung-ho from the get-go; too sweet, too accommodating, too romantic, too thoughtful, to the point of laying it on thick and it seeming almost surreal, it's a crock. These are generally the fly-by-night types. Fast sizzle, quick fizzle. I'd prefer to develop a slow burn. Well, he was with the same woman for 12 years- 5 years of dating and 7 years married. She had an affair, and after they broke up, he jumped into a rebound situation for 6 months. He's been single for 3 years since then. I believe him about that because we have mutual acquaintances. I'm certainly leery of men like that too, and I learned my lesson about them in my earlier years. I think he uses humour to mask insecurities. He has moments of vulnerability in between the funny stuff- and I can read that he's genuine in those moments. He invited me over to watch a movie after his kids went to bed tonight- and I accepted at first- but then we got to talking and mutually decided that it wouldn't be a good idea, just in case the kids woke up and came out into the living room to see a strange woman:cool:. So, he's not pushing and coming on strong in terms of trying to get in my pants, or see me too often. I have also found that the guys who come on really strong, fizzle out quite fast... This includes: - Joking about marriage on dates 1-3 - Talking about taking a trip together on dates 1-3 - Talking about meeting the parents on dates 1-3 - A never ending string of compliments about you on dates 1-3 So, be careful. I'm being careful, I still have my guard up. We're going to go out on Wednesday again. That's a week in between dates.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 That's a great feeling! You deserve that! I'm really happy for you. Well, he was with the same woman for 12 years- 5 years of dating and 7 years married. She had an affair, and after they broke up, he jumped into a rebound situation for 6 months. He's been single for 3 years since then. I believe him about that because we have mutual acquaintances. I'm certainly leery of men like that too, and I learned my lesson about them in my earlier years. I think he uses humour to mask insecurities. He has moments of vulnerability in between the funny stuff- and I can read that he's genuine in those moments. He invited me over to watch a movie after his kids went to bed tonight- and I accepted at first- but then we got to talking and mutually decided that it wouldn't be a good idea, just in case the kids woke up and came out into the living room to see a strange woman:cool:. So, he's not pushing and coming on strong in terms of trying to get in my pants, or see me too often. I'm being careful, I still have my guard up. We're going to go out on Wednesday again. That's a week in between dates. Just because he was in a marriage for 12 years doesn't mean he's not a smooth talkin' player. I don't mean to be a negative nellie (lol) but...... Who knows how he behaved in his marriage? Even if you have mutual acquaintances, nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors. Maybe his ex did cheat; maybe she did it in retaliation to him doing so first? Who really knows? Do you know for certain that he has his kids every weekend from Thurs to Sun or Mon or whatever you said it was? Did you say it was because his ex works weekends or am I thinking of someone else? Maybe his laying it on thick IS just his nervousness and being out of the dating scene for a long time. I guess time will tell?
Author D-Lish Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Just because he was in a marriage for 12 years doesn't mean he's not a smooth talkin' player. I don't mean to be a negative nellie (lol) but...... Who knows how he behaved in his marriage? Even if you have mutual acquaintances, nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors. Maybe his ex did cheat; maybe she did it in retaliation to him doing so first? Who really knows? Do you know for certain that he has his kids every weekend from Thurs to Sun or Mon or whatever you said it was? Did you say it was because his ex works weekends or am I thinking of someone else? Maybe his laying it on thick IS just his nervousness and being out of the dating scene for a long time. I guess time will tell? Well, it's all too early to tell. None of us ever know what goes on behind other people's closed doors. I talked to hin on the phone yesterday and today- and his kids were in the background. I do know he's NOT married or in a relationship. I certainly don't know if he's a player or not- I can't tell yet. But yes, his ex-wife works as a waitress on the weekends- and he willingly takes the kids because he wants to spend as much time with them as possible. I do believe that- whether or not it's truly every weekend, I don't know. But you are right- only time can tell that!
Author D-Lish Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Nah, I wouldn't worry about it. Well you're right- 5 1/2 months isn't a long relationship. I'm not a big fan of talking about past relationships anyway. Thanks!
Star Gazer Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Well you're right- 5 1/2 months isn't a long relationship. True, and I thought this when you first asked the question... that it's not very long, and most people wouldn't balk at such a disclosure that you're recently out of that length of a relationship. I didn't say that though because although it was short in time, it was very meaningful and important to you...probably more so than most other relationships of the same length. Just follow your heart while remaining observant.
PhillyDude Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 You don't need to send a couple of paragraphs- just a sentence or two initially to see if they are interested. If they reply, you can go into more detail. I had a really good time- but I don't see him as being long term the more I think about it. He has his kids Thursday night to Sunday every week- and that's a lot to consider. The more I talk to him, the more I just don't get the idea he's the right fit. He says all the right things- maybe a little TOO much. Also, before we met, he was ALWAYS listed as being on POF within 0-20 minutes. I checked my mail once today and it listed him as being online "0" minutes ago. That kinda doesn't jive with what he says too me. My co-worker was checking her profile- and we checked his status, and sure enough- "online 2 minutes ago". So I just get the impression that all his sentiment and expression to want to get to know me better might be something he says to a lot of people. I'm going with my gut on this one and just let it fizzle out. The main thing is that I got off my butt and actually went on a date, and was able to have fun doing it. I'm also open to doing it again soon if someone catches my interest. So, regardless, I think it was a positive experience- and I haven't thought of my ex. Even now, after deciding I don't want to go out with him again- I just miss the ex less- so the date experience was a positive one! S it's ok for YOU to be online just as long as he is not online?? Do you realize how stuoid that sounds?
betterdeal Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 As I said, I had a great time- we were soooo on the same wave length, but I could see myself getting involved and getting hurt. Since my instincts are telling me something is off- I don't want to put myself in harms way- especially so quickly after being burned. This is very well-worded. Your guts are telling you something is off is not saying he or you are the root cause of that off-ness. That your subconscious mind is saying "I don't like this" is key. Understanding why your subconscious mind is upset is how you will find happiness. Is is this relationship - between your conscious and subconscious - that creates self-confidence and inner peace.
Author D-Lish Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 S it's ok for YOU to be online just as long as he is not online?? Do you realize how stuoid that sounds? :lmao: I didn't at all imply that.
alphamale Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Well you're right- 5 1/2 months isn't a long relationship. for me it is...i usually jump ship around 3 months
Art_Critic Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 for me it is...i usually jump ship around 3 months ......
Author D-Lish Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 for me it is...i usually jump ship around 3 months You're silly. ...... You're silly too. But- I both of you!
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I usually jump ship after 3 weeks....5.5 months is an eternity
whichwayisup Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I believe him about that because we have mutual acquaintances. Time to put it out there to one of these mutual acquaints., and ask a few questions about this guy.
Author D-Lish Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Time to put it out there to one of these mutual acquaints., and ask a few questions about this guy. I have asked:p Oddly enough, I have an indirect history with this guy. I used to have a massive crush (from afar) on this guy that was one of the managers at the grocery store I shopped at. I crushed on him from afar spanning over 10 years. I played baseball with guys and girls that worked with him, and they basically said he was a douchebag... BUT- he had a twin brother that was the "good one". Lo and behold- this is the twin that contacted me on POF. What are the chances of that?
Art_Critic Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 What are the chances of that? It's probably the douchebag brother using his brothers pic
Author D-Lish Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 It's probably the douchebag brother using his brothers pic :lmao: Well, things seem to be going a little cold with this guy. A part of me wonders if someone might have told the other brother that I had a crush on him back then. If so, and the twin I have gone out with, asked his brother about me- the evil twin might have said "oh that girl used to have a crush on me". If that's the case, I can't imagine this guy wanting to continue things with me. He has gone cold this past 2 days- and coincidentally, his twin just got home from vacation yesterday.
welikeincrowds Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 "Forget this, I can't be with a woman who would actually want to date my prick twin" ??? Are you kidding me!? If that's what's happening here, I wouldn't know whether to be amused or annoyed. Anyway, if you ask me, you don't even want to date a twin. There's a weird mojo about twins, first of all, but the real problem is that you'll never be his #1. The other twin is always #1 -- even when the other twin is evil, it's some kind of shadow animus thing, I'm not even kidding. I'm actually pretty serious about my twin theory but I'd feel guilty if you made a life decision based on it, so just, I don't know, keep it in the back of your mind or something.
Author D-Lish Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 "Forget this, I can't be with a woman who would actually want to date my prick twin" ??? Are you kidding me!? If that's what's happening here, I wouldn't know whether to be amused or annoyed. Anyway, if you ask me, you don't even want to date a twin. There's a weird mojo about twins, first of all, but the real problem is that you'll never be his #1. The other twin is always #1 -- even when the other twin is evil, it's some kind of shadow animus thing, I'm not even kidding. I'm actually pretty serious about my twin theory but I'd feel guilty if you made a life decision based on it, so just, I don't know, keep it in the back of your mind or something. Dating a twin is new territory for me:o The twin I have been getting to know has already shown his insecurities about his brother. Apparantly the brother was the popular one- playing sports, getting the girls- while he was hitting the books and spending time in the library. He really wanted it known that he was more sucessful than his twin on our date. He brought that up over and over- all the while going back to the fact that his brother may have been the popular one in HS, way back then- but HE was further ahead and successful NOW because he chose a better path. If this guy even gets wind of the fact that I actually used to have a crush on his twin bro- which I assume he might have- we are doomed. He literally cooled off the day that his bro got back from vacation- so I am assuming he asked his bro if he remembered who I was and was told that I used to crush on him. The good thing is that I have no investment in this guy- so if we don't progress to a new level- no harm done to me or my ego. Shame though- he really is a hell of a lot of fun.
Star Gazer Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 D, Skiman was a twin... They lived 8 houses apart on the same street. Drove me nuts. But Skiman was the "better" twin, I guess you could say.
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