guy777 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I think he must have said 10 times (jokingly) "I'm so going to marry you one day". He's a huge jokester, he's off the wall with his humour- and first thing this morning he text me "I just called the wedding planner, and booked the church- let's talk about china patterns later". It's all in jest- but these are some of the tactics players use to reel women in. I've met guys like this before- guys that try and foster a sense of future too soon (even if it's in jest)- and that's a red flag for me. I gotta pay attention to my gut on this one! Agree, agree. I've never tried to pull that off. And when women fall for it I'm like: really???
Author D-Lish Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 Oh f.ck..Is he a Habs or Sens fan? Look your trust level right now is at ZERO. OFcourse you don't trust him, why should you? You don't know this guy at all, except that he's funny and made you laugh. Your gut is in overdrive right now as it is, so this guy, even if he's the nicest and most normal guy in the world, you won't know because of the place you're in now. I wish I could meet him, lol, sit and observe quietly in a corner. My guts pretty bang on about most people. Flyer fan:laugh: He was just too over the top coming on strong- it just seemed like such an act. I did have fun- but I don't trust him. even as a joke - those comments are over the top. so.... Thurs-Sun he's always busy? could he be still married and his W works mon, tues and wed? thus leaving him only available while she's working? seems suspicious to me... most Dads don't have their kids EVERY week, same days. a bit odd and off to me... did he say where he works? what he does on his days off? allow you to follow up on whether or not he is telling the truth? No- I know he is divorced- he initially wanted me to park at his house and walk up to the place we were going to for dinner- but I declined. He gave me his address and home phone and openly talked about where he worked and what he does for a living. So I don't think he is married- but I think he is a player. He's really devoted to his kids though- and he says his ex-wife works weekends, which is why he willingly takes the kids every weekend. I believed him on that end. Agree, agree. I've never tried to pull that off. And when women fall for it I'm like: really??? I think comments like these can endear naive women to a man that says these kinds of things- but I am not one of those women. I'm just happy to have had a date, and know that I am capable of putting myself out there.
2sunny Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 needy and too much fluff right from the start does not attract me...
Art_Critic Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 The main thing is that I got off my butt and actually went on a date, and was able to have fun doing it. I'm also open to doing it again soon if someone catches my interest. So, regardless, I think it was a positive experience- and I haven't thought of my ex. Even now, after deciding I don't want to go out with him again- I just miss the ex less- so the date experience was a positive one! To borrow Tan's phrase.... Atta Girl... Now.... if only Johan would ask you out and fly in for the date
jerbear Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 "Atta girl" and even when you decide not to go out with him again. I think you are moving forward. Glad to see you are getting off your buns and being out there. Enjoy the warmer weather! Your date making you laugh is a good thing, his jokes about marrying you can be a good thing. The flip side is, he sounds to giddy. Trust your woman's intuition. Still it is a step forward.
Author D-Lish Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 needy and too much fluff right from the start does not attract me... Nor me. I get the impression that this guy masks everything with humour. "Atta girl" and even when you decide not to go out with him again. I think you are moving forward. Glad to see you are getting off your buns and being out there. Enjoy the warmer weather! Your date making you laugh is a good thing, his jokes about marrying you can be a good thing. The flip side is, he sounds to giddy. Trust your woman's intuition. Still it is a step forward. I'm going with trusting myself on this one. It's just good to know I can be attracted to someone when I thought I never would have that again. That is a step in the right direction- and I have to keep stepping.
TheLoneSock Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 It's been over a month since I was broken up with. I decided to put myself back on the market and go back on POF with no expectations. I smell a glaring contradiction.
Author D-Lish Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 I smell a glaring contradiction. Well, honestly, what are you supposed to do when someone breaks your heart into a million pieces? Sit at home and let the world pass you by, or try and heal yourself with whatever means are available to you? I had zero expectations to meet someone I was attracted to. I did though- I'm just turning it down because the red flags are waving.
Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I think he must have said 10 times (jokingly) "I'm so going to marry you one day". He's a huge jokester, he's off the wall with his humour- and first thing this morning he text me "I just called the wedding planner, and booked the church- let's talk about china patterns later". It's all in jest- but these are some of the tactics players use to reel women in. FWIW, D... I'm not a player (you know this), and my new guy and I have joked like this already. There's something eerily... "right" about the whole "joke," as though we're silently acknowledging that the best jokes have a grain of truth to them, and we actually think they might be true. He's already asked what kind of ring I want, and I joked what color his tie will be at the wedding. It's all in jest, yet... I think we're actually a tiny but serious. Then again, we're joking, but at the same time, it does feel "right." If you have misgivings about his jokes, pay attention. But don't discount them just because... ya know?
OliveOyl Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I agree, that level of joking about a wedding after a 1st date would make me uncomfortable. If it was on a mutual level like Star Gazer it would be one thing, but that joking does seem like he's trying to snare you in emotionally. The guy I'm seeing had his kid every weekend too, but he's realized that schedule isn't going to work for his social life and he's been renegotiating with his stbx. There have been longish gaps in between getting together but we're slowly working it out...
dispatch3d Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 lol reading the "player vibe" paragraph right before the "married for 12 years with 2 kids" was pretty hilarious.
dispatch3d Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 You don't need to send a couple of paragraphs- just a sentence or two initially to see if they are interested. If they reply, you can go into more detail. I had a really good time- but I don't see him as being long term the more I think about it. He has his kids Thursday night to Sunday every week- and that's a lot to consider. The more I talk to him, the more I just don't get the idea he's the right fit. He says all the right things- maybe a little TOO much. Also, before we met, he was ALWAYS listed as being on POF within 0-20 minutes. I checked my mail once today and it listed him as being online "0" minutes ago. That kinda doesn't jive with what he says too me. My co-worker was checking her profile- and we checked his status, and sure enough- "online 2 minutes ago". So I just get the impression that all his sentiment and expression to want to get to know me better might be something he says to a lot of people. I'm going with my gut on this one and just let it fizzle out. The main thing is that I got off my butt and actually went on a date, and was able to have fun doing it. I'm also open to doing it again soon if someone catches my interest. So, regardless, I think it was a positive experience- and I haven't thought of my ex. Even now, after deciding I don't want to go out with him again- I just miss the ex less- so the date experience was a positive one! I don't think crossing someone out because they check pof often is very fair. I also think it's pretty weird you're checking his profile to see how often he goes online. You can cross him out for these reasons (which I cannot find in the paragraphs, but it looks like they are fear related), but don't say you put yourself out there for him at the same time. just sayin
Art_Critic Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I don't think crossing someone out because they check pof often is very fair. I also think it's pretty weird you're checking his profile to see how often he goes online. You can cross him out for these reasons (which I cannot find in the paragraphs, but it looks like they are fear related), but don't say you put yourself out there for him at the same time. just sayin Are you just now figuring out that life isn't fair ? Who cares why she crossed him off her list...hahaha 12 years of marriage and he is now sowing his oats
dispatch3d Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Are you just now figuring out that life isn't fair ? Who cares why she crossed him off her list...hahaha 12 years of marriage and he is now sowing his oats What are you takling about life isn't fair? Don't be silly!
sumdude Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Hey D. Good for you that you got back out there again rather than hide away. Also good that you're trusting your gut. I've nexted a few women within a week or two in the last couple of years. I could have played and dragged things on just to get my rocks off. But i'm looking for more than that. Keep looking. There's good guy out there for you, no doubt.
Imajerk17 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 FWIW, D... I'm not a player (you know this), and my new guy and I have joked like this already. There's something eerily... "right" about the whole "joke," as though we're silently acknowledging that the best jokes have a grain of truth to them, and we actually think they might be true. He's already asked what kind of ring I want, and I joked what color his tie will be at the wedding. It's all in jest, yet... I think we're actually a tiny but serious. Then again, we're joking, but at the same time, it does feel "right." If you have misgivings about his jokes, pay attention. But don't discount them just because... ya know? Well, the difference is that in your case, the joke is mutual. You are BOTH making these jokes... In D-Lish's case, he is the only one making the joke. I get that a lot of women are reeled in by that, especially on here, where so many women seem to make really bad choices. That said, I don't know if it is a "player move" per se, but it might be a sign of immaturity. As a guy, I can tell you that we actually become infatuated pretty quickly, even when we don't really know you. It is easy for us to end up "speaking with our dicks" and come on too strong like that. It gets ugly when the woman starts to believe all that and our feelings come back to earth. Then we're pulling away while you're wondering what the hell happened. A mature guy will hold off on saying things like that for that very reason.
Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I agree, that level of joking about a wedding after a 1st date would make me uncomfortable. If it was on a mutual level like Star Gazer it would be one thing, but that joking does seem like he's trying to snare you in emotionally. You're right. The lack of mutuality is a concern...
Banker Chick Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 This sorta reminded me of when my bf and I broke up and we both put up dating profiles. We later commented that we saw each other online all the time and were getting steamed about it only to admit after we got back together that we were on there checking out what the other was doing You have to do what you think is best & I agree with going with your gut but maybe don't write him off completely yet. Did you respond to his text this morning?
Author D-Lish Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 That's an interesting point Star. It's not that it wasn't mutual- I did joke back, I think I said something about picking china patterns after he initiated the joking. I mean, there is a level of attraction there- and we had a great connection while on the date. I'm still talking to him, he's asked me out again, and I'll probably just go and see what I think. When I say I get a player vibe- It's because he's over the top charming. I def sense he was trying too hard- and that's not a bad thing- people act that way out of nervousness. He did have moments where he was a little vulnerable during the date. My boss told me today that my radar is poised to find fault right now because of what I just went through. It was she that suggested having another date to see how it goes- so I think I will. He says the craziest things all the time- but that's my personality too- my humour has no boundaries. I have to admit, I've never met anyone so funny in my life- I haven't laughed so freakin' hard in I don't know how long. So maybe it's worth exploring a little further- simply for the reason that I came home from that date feeling really good, and happy. I'll just be cautious and take it one day at a time maybe.
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 It's because he's over the top charming. I def sense he was trying too hard- and that's not a bad thing- people act that way out of nervousness. He did have moments where he was a little vulnerable during the date. I say tell him this. If he gets full of himself, just be honest and tell him you like his vunerable side, that he doesn't have to pour on the humour and charm so much..To chill out abit.. Why not eh? you got nothing to lose.
Art_Critic Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 I'll just be cautious and take it one day at a time maybe. Don't you mean you'll be laught'rous and you'll be taking it one joke at a time I'm glad you are going on a second date with the funny guy...
Star Gazer Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 That's an interesting point Star. It's not that it wasn't mutual- I did joke back, I think I said something about picking china patterns after he initiated the joking. I mean, there is a level of attraction there- and we had a great connection while on the date. I'm still talking to him, he's asked me out again, and I'll probably just go and see what I think. When I say I get a player vibe- It's because he's over the top charming. I def sense he was trying too hard- and that's not a bad thing- people act that way out of nervousness. He did have moments where he was a little vulnerable during the date. My boss told me today that my radar is poised to find fault right now because of what I just went through. It was she that suggested having another date to see how it goes- so I think I will. He says the craziest things all the time- but that's my personality too- my humour has no boundaries. I have to admit, I've never met anyone so funny in my life- I haven't laughed so freakin' hard in I don't know how long. So maybe it's worth exploring a little further- simply for the reason that I came home from that date feeling really good, and happy. I'll just be cautious and take it one day at a time maybe. It sounds a lot like my last first-date last weekend. I say, explore it. See where it leads. It's not like you're going to miss any flags...
2sunny Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 i'm glad you're going... give him a chance - don't sleep with him - and just be up front by telling him what reservations may be at the forefront of your mind... give him a chance to see if he was just nervous - and if he may adjust by relaxing a bit.
Author D-Lish Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 I say tell him this. If he gets full of himself, just be honest and tell him you like his vunerable side, that he doesn't have to pour on the humour and charm so much..To chill out abit.. Why not eh? you got nothing to lose. Yeah, that seemed to work on the date. He'd have a serious moment, then revert to the joking- so I'd redirect him back with a question. I don't mind being around someone so funny- but it's hard to get to know someone that is "on their game" 24/7. It sounds a lot like my last first-date last weekend. I say, explore it. See where it leads. It's not like you're going to miss any flags... Are you in la-la-love? That's great!
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