D-Lish Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 It's been over a month since I was broken up with. I decided to put myself back on the market and go back on POF with no expectations. I didn't at all expect to have so much fun. I was actually fully prepared to jump back into my cave for another six years. We met at 7 for dinner, and before i knew it, it was midnight. I don't get a player vibe from him at all despite the fact that he's incredibly good looking (to me). I probably laughed for 5 hours straight and had some really great conversation. He was married for 12 years and has 2 kids. But he's been single for 3 years. The last time I dated a man with kids- the ex wife was intrusive, meddling, and ever present. I didn't want to date a man with kids again after that experience- but I am going to go on another date with him because the situation feels different. I am just shocked that I had a connection with someone. I don't know if it's too soon or not to be exploring anything- but I am into going on a second date with him because I feel like I'd be silly not to given the chemistry. I've always internalized a break up, and as a result, I've taken years to move forward- so jumping into dating someone new after a painful break up isn't a pattern for me. I can "do" alone"- but this date caught me off guard. All I can say is I had such a good time, and I didn't at all expect it.
welikeincrowds Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 OK, I can go to bed satisfied now. Good for you.
Author D-Lish Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 Thanks:p I expected some people to tell me it is too soon to be doing this. I don't know if it is or not. All I can say is that I've never been a rebound type of girl. My issue now is whether or not to disclose that I'm a month out of a 5 month relationship.
Stung Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I don't know if it's too soon or not, D, but I don't think you're rushing things unnaturally. You had a very rough time of it recently, but you also weren't with your ex all that long and it's not as though either of you really did anything wrong--I think it's good for you to get back out there, holding your head high. Just have a good time, you certainly deserve the laughs and the warm fuzzies. Take each step as it comes, and enjoy yourself.
Curious-One Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 hey i am curious to know where did you go that made it so much fun. I am looking for some places to take a girl that would be fun.. THANKS.
threebyfate Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Hey, glad to hear you had a good time! Might be too soon to have a serious relationship but a casual one might be just the remedy.
betterdeal Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 hey i am curious to know where did you go that made it so much fun. I am looking for some places to take a girl that would be fun.. THANKS. Anywhere she lets you
guy777 Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Hard to believe POF making a connection, but I know it does happen. That's awesome that you put yourself out there and had a GREAT experience!!!! Almost makes me want to start sending couple paragraphs and being ignored over and over again. But no, I'm sticking with trying to meet people in person for awhile. The online thing was taking too much time for me personally. I might do better at a speed dater type thing. But I've heard many complain about those to.. . well, I ramble, but good to hear you are excited.
Author D-Lish Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 Hard to believe POF making a connection, but I know it does happen. That's awesome that you put yourself out there and had a GREAT experience!!!! Almost makes me want to start sending couple paragraphs and being ignored over and over again. But no, I'm sticking with trying to meet people in person for awhile. The online thing was taking too much time for me personally. I might do better at a speed dater type thing. But I've heard many complain about those to.. . well, I ramble, but good to hear you are excited. You don't need to send a couple of paragraphs- just a sentence or two initially to see if they are interested. If they reply, you can go into more detail. I had a really good time- but I don't see him as being long term the more I think about it. He has his kids Thursday night to Sunday every week- and that's a lot to consider. The more I talk to him, the more I just don't get the idea he's the right fit. He says all the right things- maybe a little TOO much. Also, before we met, he was ALWAYS listed as being on POF within 0-20 minutes. I checked my mail once today and it listed him as being online "0" minutes ago. That kinda doesn't jive with what he says too me. My co-worker was checking her profile- and we checked his status, and sure enough- "online 2 minutes ago". So I just get the impression that all his sentiment and expression to want to get to know me better might be something he says to a lot of people. I'm going with my gut on this one and just let it fizzle out. The main thing is that I got off my butt and actually went on a date, and was able to have fun doing it. I'm also open to doing it again soon if someone catches my interest. So, regardless, I think it was a positive experience- and I haven't thought of my ex. Even now, after deciding I don't want to go out with him again- I just miss the ex less- so the date experience was a positive one!
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Excellent! This is great that you've put yourself out there after a month. D, you're ready. Just my 2 cents, but I think deep down, after all the beating up you did on yourself, you know that it wasn't you..That it was the ex. He is damaged goods. Anyway, so happy you connected with this guy.. Great that he had you laughing. Edt to add, just saw you're not going on a 2nd date with him.. Maybe he's a good guy to pal around with, have drink and laugh..
2sunny Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 no one said you need to marry him or get super involved. heck, if you enjoy his company - and he wants to see you again - what's wrong with seeing him once every week or so - especially if you're not yet seeing someone else? go on, have fun...
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I just got caught up with what's been happening, D, and I'm so sorry, but glad you're getting back out there! I'm exactly the same way you are (I go into the cave), so I can empathize. But I have to say, I agree with 2sunny. Why, especially right now, are you running this guy through a relationship filter? Didn't you have fun? Didn't you laugh? You already know you can't "go there," so isn't he the "safest" kind of guy you could be spending time with now? Hang out, have dinner, laugh some more and just roll with it. That way you won't cave, and you won't get pulled into something more serious while you're still grieving and growing.
2sunny Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 i don't see a thing wrong with him still being on that site... you had ONE date... now - if - you were dating for a year and really serious i could see why you'd scrutinize his activity on the site - but... not now... and maybe don't need to - just have fun without thinking it's so serious.
guy777 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 You don't need to send a couple of paragraphs- just a sentence or two initially to see if they are interested. If they reply, you can go into more detail. I know, I tried it every which way. . .. And then if they do respond I usually get their phone number right away, and don't go on with endless messaging communications. Usually I send my number and say, what's your number, I'll call you. Then they immediately text me . . . But it just takes too many messages for me to get to that point, so I'm sticking with offline right now. Maybe I'll try online again at some point. You should keep having fun and don't worry about how the rest of your lives together will shape up. I personally don't want to date someone with kids, but that cuts out a huge part of the pool at my mid/late 30's age.
Author D-Lish Posted May 13, 2011 Author Posted May 13, 2011 no one said you need to marry him or get super involved. heck, if you enjoy his company - and he wants to see you again - what's wrong with seeing him once every week or so - especially if you're not yet seeing someone else? go on, have fun... I think I'm going to keep going out- just with other people. I did enjoy his company- and we had a great time. But something in my gut is screaming don't trust him. I've ignored my gut in the past and I've been burned. I just got caught up with what's been happening, D, and I'm so sorry, but glad you're getting back out there! I'm exactly the same way you are (I go into the cave), so I can empathize. But I have to say, I agree with 2sunny. Why, especially right now, are you running this guy through a relationship filter? Didn't you have fun? Didn't you laugh? You already know you can't "go there," so isn't he the "safest" kind of guy you could be spending time with now? Hang out, have dinner, laugh some more and just roll with it. That way you won't cave, and you won't get pulled into something more serious while you're still grieving and growing. Thanks C:) I promised myself I wasn't going to cave this time- and I'm not going to, I'm going to remain open to new opportunities and just keep putting myself out there this time! As I said, I had a great time- we were soooo on the same wave length, but I could see myself getting involved and getting hurt. Since my instincts are telling me something is off- I don't want to put myself in harms way- especially so quickly after being burned. I think he must have said 10 times (jokingly) "I'm so going to marry you one day". He's a huge jokester, he's off the wall with his humour- and first thing this morning he text me "I just called the wedding planner, and booked the church- let's talk about china patterns later". It's all in jest- but these are some of the tactics players use to reel women in. I've met guys like this before- guys that try and foster a sense of future too soon (even if it's in jest)- and that's a red flag for me. I gotta pay attention to my gut on this one!
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Oo, I agree with you - that type of "joking" would make me uncomfortable, too. If a guy pushes that fast, even in jest, I read between the lines and I think that's the correct instinct. I agree, trust your gut. We've gained the benefit of experience at this point, so best to trust it. Way to stay positive and to keep looking!
Sabali Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I've met guys like this before- guys that try and foster a sense of future too soon (even if it's in jest)- and that's a red flag for me. I gotta pay attention to my gut on this one! D, why are we Bull$#!++ing ourselves? I should be raising your red flags...not him.
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I did enjoy his company- and we had a great time. But something in my gut is screaming don't trust him. I've ignored my gut in the past and I've been burned. Oh f.ck..Is he a Habs or Sens fan? Look your trust level right now is at ZERO. OFcourse you don't trust him, why should you? You don't know this guy at all, except that he's funny and made you laugh. Your gut is in overdrive right now as it is, so this guy, even if he's the nicest and most normal guy in the world, you won't know because of the place you're in now. I wish I could meet him, lol, sit and observe quietly in a corner. My guts pretty bang on about most people.
guy777 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Sounds like you are going with you gut, which is the way to go. Stick with it. However, just want to say quickly that I think that "last on-line" thing is TMI. Not sure why it's displayed to the minutes level. It should just be, last online "today", or "this week", etc.
2sunny Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 even as a joke - those comments are over the top. so.... Thurs-Sun he's always busy? could he be still married and his W works mon, tues and wed? thus leaving him only available while she's working? seems suspicious to me... most Dads don't have their kids EVERY week, same days. a bit odd and off to me... did he say where he works? what he does on his days off? allow you to follow up on whether or not he is telling the truth?
whichwayisup Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I think he must have said 10 times (jokingly) "I'm so going to marry you one day". He's a huge jokester, he's off the wall with his humour- and first thing this morning he text me "I just called the wedding planner, and booked the church- let's talk about china patterns later". It's all in jest- but these are some of the tactics players use to reel women in. Eww, I didn't read this part. He's over compensating. either he was nervous as hell or something. Can a man with 2 kids be a player? I guess so, but still, one would think he'd be wanting to look for someone on a serious level rather than play games and be a player.
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