NicoleM Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I had to do it:o I couldn't stand not telling that person how he treated me or how he hurt my feelings or how I was crying in the bathroom and shutting off friends. I know it may seem stupid or it may seem like dude let it go seriously! It's like when you are at a wedding and someone you love is getting married do you speak now or do you hold it back?? I chose speaking now and not holding anything back. It made me feel 100 percent better and I hope,hope he realizes and maybe will learn that is not how you treat someone. I do not expect a reply back I just pray he reads it and realizes he really screwed up big time.
fun2bewith Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I feel for you NicoleM, I think it was a good thing to get it off your chest and you did not hold back! Wasn't it just such an amazing feeling when you wrote everything down you felt? Who cares what he thinks, you will not get the reply. If he just reads a few sentences it will be enough for him to feel how it affected you... You have planted a seed, but it might not grow now, but in the future he will look back at those he hurt when he is in pain himself...
Sugarkane Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Hey NicoleM I admire you telling your ex how you felt, most people on here will tell you not to do it and stay NC. With the ex that brought me here, he dumped me completley out of the blue, in a really callous manner and turned everyone against me. I think I regret never telling him how I felt. I felt like he got away scot free, while I was completely devasted. I never did get any answers, he acted like he was the victim. He did a 180 on me and betrayed me, yet kept all the friends. Everybody says stay in NC, but all it did was made me obsess even more, as I had zero answers to this day. He cut me off without even a conversation. Now its too late for me to send anything.
kaycstamper Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I agree, sometimes it helps to get it off our chest. It doesn't change how they are or their actions but at least it lends voice to us. Now let him go!
Author NicoleM Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 (edited) Wow what a class act! I can see why he bailed on me Monday for the movies and why he won't text me back because he is already seeing someone. It sure didn't take him very long did it? I saw on his profile it went from single to av which means he is seeing someone what a jerk! Edited May 12, 2011 by NicoleM
Author NicoleM Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 I am trying to hard but I keep thinking why didn't he write back?? I poured my heart into that letter and told him how I really feel and how he broke my heart into a million pieces. I keep thinking maybe he didn't read it or maybe he deleted it by accident but whatever the case is he obviously has no soul and I am slowly realizing he isn't worth my time.
WiselyNaive Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I am trying to hard but I keep thinking why didn't he write back?? I poured my heart into that letter and told him how I really feel and how he broke my heart into a million pieces. I keep thinking maybe he didn't read it or maybe he deleted it by accident but whatever the case is he obviously has no soul and I am slowly realizing he isn't worth my time. i wrote a dear john letter infact i wrote many..to the same guy! lol....the fact is my first love...the last 1 i wrote..that was the ACTUAL end...he responded 2 days later with about 5 words..after a year of trying to get him back i went cold....i couldnt even cry...it was such a deep cut that i moved on shortly after...it took me a year to get over him but after writing that letter i found out he sent it to his "new gf" after a year of being strung along i finally got my closure...he didnt respond...and now u may feel like u opened the door even further..but let it be ur closure
Kari Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I am trying to hard but I keep thinking why didn't he write back?? I poured my heart into that letter and told him how I really feel and how he broke my heart into a million pieces. I keep thinking maybe he didn't read it or maybe he deleted it by accident but whatever the case is he obviously has no soul and I am slowly realizing he isn't worth my time. More reason to stick to NC. One day you will look back at everything and realize that you are much better without him. Keep focusing on yourself, things will get better in time. Wish you the best.
fun2bewith Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I feel for you NicoleM, If he just reads a few sentences it will be enough for him to feel how it affected you... You have planted a seed, but it might not grow now, but in the future he will look back at those he hurt when he is in pain himself... The best thing you did was to write that letter... I am proud of you, because very few people will do this. Pride, ego and the fear of getting hurt and exposed all over again, always stands in your way....You swam upstream.... You have achieved something, even though you don't realize it....
Sugarkane Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I can tell you that I regret not doing the same thing.
Author NicoleM Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Sugarkane did they ever write back?? I do not regret it either:D I just wish they would of said something like sorry this isn't working out or sorry I was such a jerk to you.
Sugarkane Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 NicoleM- What I mean is everyone told me not to send the letter at all. Not one person told me it would be a good idea. I wanted to do it for my self more than anything. I never got to say anything to my ex, as he completely cut me off. You can't expect an answer from them, 9/10 you won't get one at all. Its highly unlikely that they'll ever say sorry at all eitehr.
Author NicoleM Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 That is ashame you never got to say how you felt. My friends actually encouraged me to write him because they thought I was holding it in for too long.
Sugarkane Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Yeah and I saw my ex 2 weeks after the breakup and he was already with someone else. They looked happy. They sure don't waste any time getting over us! I don't know how someone can do that. Should I still send a letter even though its been a long time?
Author NicoleM Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 I say go for it! Just knowing they possibly read some or even part of the letter is freeing. I hate how he doesn't seem to care or how quickly he moved on at least on his dating page it went from single to availiable which means he is seeing someone but can still date around. How disgusting is that:sick:
Sugarkane Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 They rarely do care. Its been too long since my ex now. He is a A grade Ahole, just read my posts! If I send anything he will only get off on it. He already has a massive ego to begin with. When he dumped me by text, he called me the crazy one! I never begged, contacted or called once. So how am I crazy? My aunt is a psych nurse, trust me she has some REAL stories about crazy people. And I bet they make more sense than my ex
fun2bewith Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) Yeah and I saw my ex 2 weeks after the breakup and he was already with someone else. They looked happy. They sure don't waste any time getting over us! I don't know how someone can do that. Should I still send a letter even though its been a long time? Just a few days ago I wrote a "dear Jean" letter...I feel very good , but it could also be because I received a response... She also moved on to the next guy while still in a relationship with me... Here is the thread: I broke NC after almost 7 Months not for a second chance but for closure... If you want you can read every thing, but entry #12 is where I talk about the letter that I sent. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=277398&referrerid=91939 Edited May 16, 2011 by fun2bewith
Author NicoleM Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 I wish I received a reply back. I wouldn't of even cared if he said Nicole this isn't working out but let me just say you are a wonderful person and I wish you nothing but the best! Or if he would of said yes Nicole I would like to give us one more shot and I promise I will change and I am so sorry I was mean and inconsiderate to your feelings. I realize now that is who he is and he will never change and he was always inconsiderate to my feelings and I fell for his games.
Floridaman Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I am trying to hard but I keep thinking why didn't he write back?? I poured my heart into that letter and told him how I really feel and how he broke my heart into a million pieces. I keep thinking maybe he didn't read it or maybe he deleted it by accident but whatever the case is he obviously has no soul and I am slowly realizing he isn't worth my time. Those letters almost never work. And trust that he will read it. The EX won't accidentally delete it. If the EX has moved on, any letter you write isn't gonna help, and in the end, could actually end up hurting you as it makes you look weak and needy= something you don't want to appear to be when you've been dumped. I wish I received a reply back. I wouldn't of even cared if he said Nicole this isn't working out but let me just say you are a wonderful person and I wish you nothing but the best! Or if he would of said yes Nicole I would like to give us one more shot and I promise I will change and I am so sorry I was mean and inconsiderate to your feelings. I realize now that is who he is and he will never change and he was always inconsiderate to my feelings and I fell for his games. A woman on one of these forums PM'd me with a letter she was about to send to her EX. She was very emotional and like you, Nicole, felt like she needed to write him. She asked the same questions: why he ignored her for like a week, did she do something to offend him? She needed some closure and wanted to know what she did wrong. Read through it and said it was okay (Didn't want to hurt her feelings as I knew how she felt), but it did appear to make her look weak and needy. I suggested she not send him and instead, go NC with him. She ended up not sending that letter and thanked me for advising her against sending it. Going NC gives you a little power over a powerless situation.
EgoJoe Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I'm tempted to do something similar, because I took so much of her **** lieing down, I've said I was going to do it (to her) and then said I wasn't and I feel stupid for leaving her an opening. I'm up and down about this and she always leaves herself an opening.
Author NicoleM Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 FloridaMan I wish I had met you earlier! My friends told me to write the letter and now I regret it. If I could take back anything I would and now that I look back on it I probably looked needy.
rayne05us Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 I told my ex off in a letter...She had cheated on me and then when she officially dumped me, I told her how pathetic she is thinkinh she could treated people like they're disposable etc...and that she was write about one thing....that I do deserve better (which she told me when she dumped me). She never replied, but It was the best thing I ever did, cuz it made me realize how much I was worth. And it also made me realize that there was NOTHING she could say to improve the situation. I had to work on my own self worth and get myself to a better place. And once you accept all of this for what it is (a lesson), I think you will start to realize your self worth. I know you think you may realize it, but when you really get it, you won't give this dude another thought, trust.
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