Stung Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Thanks for the advice everyone. I do care about her and always tend to her when she's sick or not feeling well etc. I had an epiphany last night. I realized I have a real fear of intimacy. I am scared to get close and be vulnerable. I started reading a book called Intimate Connections and it stated a symptom that is exactly what I was experiencing: partner perfectionism. I guess its a way of being too picky about physical attractiveness as a way of rejecting them before they hurt me. Its a defense mechanism. I only started reading last night but I intend to finish and hopefully I can overcome this. My past relationships have been pretty surface level. I tend to keep my distance. This also applies to friends. Some events in my past have caused me to be this way. I hope I can overcome on my own without therapy. I was wondering if something like this might be an issue. This sounds like a really positive step, 40! Good luck. And whatever the outcome with your gf, getting to know yourself better is always worthwhile.
threebyfate Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Thanks for the advice everyone. I do care about her and always tend to her when she's sick or not feeling well etc. I had an epiphany last night. I realized I have a real fear of intimacy. I am scared to get close and be vulnerable. I started reading a book called Intimate Connections and it stated a symptom that is exactly what I was experiencing: partner perfectionism. I guess its a way of being too picky about physical attractiveness as a way of rejecting them before they hurt me. Its a defense mechanism. I only started reading last night but I intend to finish and hopefully I can overcome this. My past relationships have been pretty surface level. I tend to keep my distance. This also applies to friends. Some events in my past have caused me to be this way. I hope I can overcome on my own without therapy.Glad you've identified what the problem is and are trying to do something about it. Not many would be this insightful!
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