Mrlonelyone Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Why are peoples identities wrapped up in who they date? By this I mean... To soo many people they feel they need a person of their own race or religion in order to reinforce their self image as a member of that race or religion. To soo many people they need a partner to be masculine or feminine in order to reinforce their own sexual orientaion + gender identity + self image. i.e. The woman (or for that matter gay man) who needs a man who is masculine in order to reinforce their self image. i.e. The man (or lesbian woman) who needs a woman to be very feminine for the same reason. The people who feel that they are in some sort of competition with their SO. i.e. Two people meet both are overweight one looses weight... then the couple breaks up. Or... Two people meet and are of similar education... one stays in school and attains a higher degree then the couple breaks up WTH? In short it seems that a persons identity and self image are wrapped up in whoever they are dating or would consider dating. Why is that? Lord knows I am not the same way. I like for the people I date to be significantly different from me in multiple ways. I just don't get this common behavior.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Relationships tend to work best when there are common values. Granted those values are not always unique to one's own culture, religion, socio-economic background, etc. But, more often than not people within these same categories do share the same values. Believe it or not, I think most people aspire to find happiness. They will seek a partner that they are happy with. If that means status and achievement etc. then so be it. But everyone is different and has different standards.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted May 12, 2011 Author Posted May 12, 2011 I am thinking along the lines of someone who's so has to makeup for their perceived shortcomings. Such as a woman needing a masculine male to make her feel feminine by comparison. Conversely a gay male wanting a masculine partner so they can "absorb" his masculinity.
PratyekaYana Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Why are peoples identities wrapped up in who they date? By this I mean... To soo many people they feel they need a person of their own race or religion in order to reinforce their self image as a member of that race or religion. To soo many people they need a partner to be masculine or feminine in order to reinforce their own sexual orientaion + gender identity + self image. i.e. The woman (or for that matter gay man) who needs a man who is masculine in order to reinforce their self image. i.e. The man (or lesbian woman) who needs a woman to be very feminine for the same reason. The people who feel that they are in some sort of competition with their SO. i.e. Two people meet both are overweight one looses weight... then the couple breaks up. Or... Two people meet and are of similar education... one stays in school and attains a higher degree then the couple breaks up WTH? In short it seems that a persons identity and self image are wrapped up in whoever they are dating or would consider dating. Why is that? Lord knows I am not the same way. I like for the people I date to be significantly different from me in multiple ways. I just don't get this common behavior. When you pause to consider that the concept of one's identity is intricately tied to an almost endless slew of other complex (though empty) attachments, the selection of dating partners becomes just another link in a very long chain of ego-enforcing habits. Why are people's identities wrapped up in the kind of professional work that they perform? The kind of clothing worn? Their political allegiances? Their sexuality? Their passions and revulsions? It all boils down to a deluded clinging to a non-existent self.
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