lawlz_xD Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I met this really amazing girl about 5-6 months ago. We really hit it off, had a lot in common, and became close instantly. We became the best best friends we'd ever have and we really understood each other. It was crazy! We kept telling each other how we never met anyone that understood us like we knew each other and it felt amazing. However, she had problems with committing to a relationship in the past and screwed a couple guys over (emotionally). However, despite this, I believed that we were different considering how close we were and asked her to be my girlfriend. She said no but she said it was because she didn't know if she could commit to a relationship. Although sad, I kept trying and trying with her and we were basically like a couple. Keyword, like a couple. We kissed, we hugged, we held hands, etc. I know you must read this a lot but I really did treat her right. I treated her as best as I could, always making sure to appreciate her, give her a lot of attention and shower her with love. She acknowledged this and always told me how much of an amazing guy I was to her. However, the love did not reciprocate. She always chose her friends over me, always neglecting me and hanging out with them over me. Despite having 2 classes together and lunch at school, she would hang out with her friends. We'd only talk 5-10 minutes in person a day! This was really tough on me because I felt like she wasn't putting forth any effort. I told her this a couple times and told her that she needed to be more affectionate and make an effort to spend time with me. I didn't want to make her choose between me and her friends but when we are only seeing each other in person for 5-10 minutes a day, that is just unacceptable for me and 99% of most relationships. However, it never happened...she continued to neglect me and our relationship and even though we still remained close, I was unhappy. During the course of the relationship, she has hurt me so much. She has kissed another guy, asked the guy she used to like to her junior prom, went to senior ball with someone else...and had me on strings with her indecisiveness. However, I kept trying...and trying...and I realized that I cannot change her, nor should I have to. She's a great person, but not a good girlfriend. I treated her as best as I could, and when we decided to end it, she kept thanking me for changing her into a better person (from all the mistakes she made while she was with me), and apologizing for failing me and always being unfair to me. I am not as hurt as I thought I'd be...as I know I deserve better. I KNOW I DESERVE BETTER. But why do I feel like I will never meet someone that truly understands me like she does? That's what hurts the most...
PinkChic Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Oh boy... do I know how you feel. My boyfriend is a commitment phobe, yes this IS a serious problem. In fact, he is agreeing to counceling to save our relationship. Please, when you go to sleep tonight look up and thank God you walked away when you did. In all my years of dating, being in a relationship with a commitment phobe is hands down one of the most painful experiences one could ever encounter. I, of course fell madly in love with a CP, but I will tell you if I knew the things I know now, I would have ran for the hills.
Author lawlz_xD Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 Just wanted to give an update! It's been a week since we broke up and I'm doing MUCH better! Everyday, it gets a little easier. NC is pretty difficult since we have 2 classes together (3 hours a day) but I am graduating TOMORROW so it should be much easier after that as my Summer vacation starts! However...I did something that I regret. After a week of NC, I was at the gym (she goes to the same gym). I saw her in the corner of my eye and held onto my reigns and just ignored her. However, I could tell that she was looking at me (I noticed this at school as well when she was with her friends, she'd keep looking at me!). There was an awkward moment where I was walking towards the water fountain for a drink and she just happened to be walking towards it as well but I pretended that I did not even see her and did not make eye contact. After getting a drink, I went back to where I was and sat down to continue my break in-between sets and guess who comes walking up to me? She does. She comes up about 3 ft away from me and it was an awkward 5 seconds of silence before I finally said "Hi". She said Hi back and the conversation was very one-sided, with me asking all the questions and she simply just returning the question. She began to tell me about her day and how it was crappy because her phone got stolen, than we got on the subject of her Grandpa starting to forget things, than to her Uncle who has terminal cancer. I than asked her about what was going to happen after this week (after I graduate from school and begin summer, than go to college), "are we never going to talk again?". All she said was, "it seems like it..." than started tearing up and said that she's been emotional, probably because she's on her period. I told her that she's always going to be my best friend at heart and I still love her and gave her a hug. She returned the hug while in tears and I told her that I think about her everyday. She responded, "I think about you at random moments, when I need someone there for me." I told her, "That someone will always be there for you, right here". I put my hand on my heart. When I asked her how she was (regarding all this), she just said she's alright and I said (with a bit of pain), I'm glad you've moved on, and she said, "I haven't moved on yet." Her mom than came and they left together. Why do I feel like this is a mistake? I feel like I lost my dignity...I made myself look weak, desperate,frail. Although I do miss her and a little part of me wants her back, I do not want to make it seem like I am in massive pain and look weak in front of her. I did not cry during the conversation, I just looked into her eyes and smiled the entire time! What does this mean, her breaking NC after a week, in this fashion? I asked her why she decided to come and talk to me and she said she just didn't want it to be awkward. Her tone during the conversation was very...grim. She said she was "alright" and "fine" but her face did not appear that way. She smiled but her eyes did not. I know her and she was not FINE.
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