He came back begging... It doesn't feel as good as I thought it would...

[PinkChic]

I don't even know where to start. I think most of you know my story.

 

Recap: My ex and I had litterally the most perfect relationship, love, respect, intimacy, etc. After one of the best getaway weekends ever he out of the clear blue dumps me. This was 5 weeks ago. One week after I find out I'm pregnant. He freaks out, we don't speak for two weeks. He comes around after the two weeks trying to be Mr. Wonderful, Mr. Father of the year, etc. He tells me how much he regrets the break up, he got scared of how great it was feeling and he ran. However, he refused to try again.

 

Last night I saw him and he "wanted to develope a friendship to MAYBE soomeday progress into a relationship". I said NO. It's either all or nothing. For a commitment phobe, that is their glory, he gets to see me, spend time with me without a commitment. It was not going to happen. He said he would not do it any other way. I tearfully said this was goodbye, kissed him on the cheek and that was it. I went to bed last night thinking this was it. It was time to move on. I gave it my best and that was not good enough.

 

This morning at 8 AM he is texting me up a storm (which I mind you he NEVER initiates contact. EVER) how he needs me in his life, he will do anything it takes, he is begging me to consider. I of course love this man more than I have ever loved someone. In my relationship (which I am not proud of) I always felt like I had to have the upper hand and be in control. With this one, it was completely different. I truly fell in love. He made me vulnerable, respectful and showed me what it was like to love. But, I can't help wonder.... How do I ever not always be constantly wondering if he is going to wake up one day and decide his feelings are too strong and run away?... how do I trust when he says he loves me or tells me all the things he use to say about our future?... How do I believe him??

 

Anybody else go through a second chance and have these wonders and what do you do to overcome them?

[JasonRules]

My ex came back to me 3.5 years after she broke up with me wanting a second chance. I was crushed back then for about a year. Eventually, I picked myself up and moved on in life.

 

I never gave her that second chance she wanted. By then time had allowed me to take her down from the pedestal my heart had placed her on and I have absolutely no feelings for her.

 

I think in your case you absolutely need to find out if your ex left you for another woman and then later she dumped him, so he came crying back to you. If he did, that would mean you're not a priority, but an option. In this case, under no circumstances should you take him back.

 

If there was no woman involved than yes, you should consider it.

[kaycstamper]

First of all, let me tell you how sorry I am that you find yourself here, but congratulations on your baby.

 

I think some proving ground is in order. It would be good if you convey to him how you feel...basically that you love him but your trust has been broken and it takes more than words to build it back, you need to see follow through and it may be slow.

 

If he is willing, you will have your answer, if not, well I guess then you have your answer too.

 

Whether he wants to be a father or husband or not, he will be obligated to pay child support and will be allotted visitation. Let's just see how he does. You need to first consider your child as it's defenseless and needs your looking after...please do for them in writing legally.

[PinkChic]

Thank you both for your responses.

 

Just for the record. My baby IS my number 1 priority right now and I made it VERY clear that NO MATTER what happens between us it will be done legally.

 

Secondly, I will be seeing him this evening for ice cream, but I have conveyed my feelings of concern and still the begging continues... he has even said to me that he doesn't expect me to believe him or for me to make a decision right away but for me to atleast open my mind to him trying to prove to me his actions, instead of him just saying it.

 

He really is a good man and I never thought in my life I could fall so inlove with a person. I just always had the motto that I didn't believe in second chances, that I always gave my all while I was IN the relationship, so that I had no regrets when it was over. I still have zero regrets about this relationship as I wouldn't have changed my actions in the slightest, i loved and respected him.

 

If it's one thing I continue to learn is that space is a beautiful thing. Space allows us to grow and realize things and maybe sometimes space makes a person realize how much they do belong with someone? I'm not sure yet. I like to think I'm a wise enough woman to know this isn't just "lets get back together and go back to being hunky dory"... no.. we need to have a long heartfelt talk and decide what happened and how this will be different.

 

Thank you again for your replys.. this forum is my life saver <3

[kaycstamper]

Thank you both for your responses.

 

Just for the record. My baby IS my number 1 priority right now and I made it VERY clear that NO MATTER what happens between us it will be done legally.

<3

 

Good for you!

 

Let us know how it goes...