Ginger Beer Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Is it possible? What if you both still care about each other and split up on good terms? Is NC still the only way to go? What can be gained from NC?
Author Ginger Beer Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Believe it or not I am friends with all my ex's. Did you still have feelings for any of them after the relationship though? If so, did you have any period of NC before continuing a friendship?
carhill Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 For myself I could envision such a continuation only where circumstances, as an example one party having to relocate at an untenable distance, make an otherwise healthy relationship difficult, but where a friendship could continue. Otherwise, whatever made the relationship toxic would permeate the friendship with the same toxins and, personally, I value my friends very similarly to how I value a spouse. My exW and I are friendly and cordial where interaction is required but are not friends. If we were we'd still be married. YMMV.
Author Ginger Beer Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 For myself I could envision such a continuation only where circumstances, as an example one party having to relocate at an untenable distance, make an otherwise healthy relationship difficult, but where a friendship could continue. Otherwise, whatever made the relationship toxic would permeate the friendship with the same toxins and, personally, I value my friends very similarly to how I value a spouse. My exW and I are friendly and cordial where interaction is required but are not friends. If we were we'd still be married. YMMV. That's exactly the situation I find myself in.
Waitress Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 One of my best friends is an ex. We had a really toxic relationship romantically but really cared about one another. I never would have imagined we'd ever be friends but here it is, 20 years. He is like family to me now. I do think you have to give it space and if the feelings are there it will work out. But it can take time and effort, which both parties need to be willing to invest. We each put in a lot of effort to get to where we are now. A LOT. Totally worth it.
carhill Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 With mutual understanding and agreement, I see no reason for any sort of NC or cessation of contact if distance is the reason for the breakup. Life circumstances rather than incompatibilities dictated this change in relationship status. A typical example is one person's schooling/career taking them to a distant place on earth for a period of time. If the other person cannot follow, one path is to cease the intimate relationship and establish a loose friendship, leaving the door open for more if timing and circumstances permit, but with no obligation upon either party to 'wait'. Another path is a LDR. Hope it works out
Waitress Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Ginger Beer, give it some time and see how it goes. It is possible. Anything is possible.
fishtaco Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 NC helps you get over the person faster. And also if the person is immature/crazy, it avoids drama. Sometimes after NC, people could reconnect as platonic friends. I'm friends with many women I've been with. Some of them full-on official relationships, some of them I just slept with, or casually dated. It depends on the person. If both sides can stay mature about it, being friends shouldn't be that tough. I'm going to dinner with one this Friday, we were sexually active at one point, long time ago, but it never developed into a relationship. I wanted one, she didn't. But I stayed mature about it, so now we're platonic friends. After all these years, she's still the freakiest woman I've had sex with. Good times. Then I'm going to a concert with another one that I had dated around Oct-Nov of last year, but it never went anywhere. No sex though, just dates. Now we're just friends. So pretty much history doesn't matter. If they put in an effort to be friends, I'll put in mine too. And if we all can be sufficiently sane, then friendship could happen.
tman666 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 If you guys had sex, probably not. If your relationship was still in the relatively innocent stages when it went to pot, then it might work. My personal policy is that it usually causes more drama than you can foresee. View a breakup as an opportunity for a change of social circles.
Lorelei_Lane Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I'm friends with my ex-fiancée. We were best friends in high school, started dating senior year and were together for almost 3 years. I ended the relationship because although I loved him, we had changed so much from who we were in high school and I wasn't as happy as I could have been, he agreed although it hurt for us to end it. I went NC for a while. Only friendly exchanges once in a while, it wasn't until recently we started talking more often. He gives me advice on the life issues I have once in a while and I make sure he realizes that the bad luck in his life isn't his fault, either. We have a wonderful friendship, I just don't think we would have made a good husband and wife team. Part of me still loves him, as I did when we split, but it isn't the kind of love you would have with your spouse or a partner. Just a friendly "I care about you" kind of love. It makes it easier too for both of us as I moved several states away after we split, so it made NC and then a friendship easier to handle. Each situation is different, most of my ex's I don't speak to. This one is an exception.
Els Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Still friends (although more like acquaintances, really) with both of my exes. 2 isn't a very valid sample size though, so your mileage may differ.
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