bittermelon Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 My 30th birthday this month. Been begging my bf of 8 years to go on vacation with me. He just came back from one but I didn't go (he was visiting family for 2 weeks). Every time I ask he gives me a non-committal answer (ie. "we'll see") Today he calls me and asks me to find him a flight to Costa Rica. His brother lives down there and I'm guessing he wants to visit. Tells me that date he wants to leave. I tell him "You won't be around for my 30th birthday?" He tells me, "I'm always there for you on your birthday". What he meant was in a figurative sense, meaning, his heart will be here even though he's not going to be physically here. I was LIVID. I hung up and messaged him, called him a dick, how can he be so insensitive, it's my birthday, how come he can't plan something for me instead, like maybe a weekend getaway, he doesn't care about us, our future, I have nothing to look forward to in our relationship because all he has done this year was book trips without me. I told him we were done. I'm finished with him. don't f-ing talk to me again. Am i over-reacting? I'm pissed not because he wants to go to Costa Rica. It's the fact that he didn't even think to consult me first since it's during long weekend of my birthday, or even acknowledged that he would be missing my birthday. And also, the fact that I've been bugging him to go on vacation for so long and he ignores it but books (another one) for himself. I packed all his stuff and put it in a garbage bag. I want to leave it on his porch to make a point that I'm done. Not that I want to break up but I want him to know how unacceptable his behavior is and how serious this is to me. Should I do it?
utterer of lies Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Don't threaten a break-up if you are not willing to go through with it. But it looks like there are way more important things on his mind than you.
BiscuitXOXO Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 So...have you been bugging him for 8 years to go on vacation? And...what about your other 7 birthdays?
vsmini Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 If you want him to know how serious it is to you then you have to calmly communicate that to him. Even if you don't feel calm - men can have a tendency to hear shrill emotion in a woman and somewhat write off the incident. They respond to you being calm. If he still writes off your concern then you need to reevaluate why he's doing that and why you're with a guy that would do such a thing. Making a dramatic gesture of leaving his stuff on his porch and telling him "you're done" is just that - a dramatic gesture that has no back-up to it and it makes it look like you're crying wolf and being childish and....EMOTIONAL. I don't like what he did. I would want my boyfriend to talk to me first if my birthday was coming up and he planned a trip away with out me in mind. You gotta talk to him. Communication is key. And leaving his stuff on the doorstep is not communication.
oaks Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I was LIVID. I hung up and messaged him, called him a dick, how can he be so insensitive, it's my birthday, how come he can't plan something for me instead, like maybe a weekend getaway, he doesn't care about us, our future, I have nothing to look forward to in our relationship because all he has done this year was book trips without me. I told him we were done. I'm finished with him. don't f-ing talk to me again. Am i over-reacting? You over-reacted. Note the past tense. You've done it. Dumped him by text message. Classy way to end an 8 year relationship. A garbage bag of stuff on his porch would certainly be in-keeping with that style, but a grown-up way to handle it would be to ask him to come and collect his stuff.
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