ptom Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 My wife and I have been together for 12 years, no kids, and now it's time for me to get out. We've done couples therapy and I've kind of just had it with the relationship. It's not a bad relationship I'm just not happy for many reasons. I'm just not sure how to leave her. If I was to tell her today that I want out, she would go insane and just tell me to leave and probably destroy my personal possesions. I'm not sure of this but I am nervous about this. We live in NYC so I don't have a car. All of my immediate family has passed so I don't have any family to stay with. All of my friends are mostly people from work whom I go to happy hours with but I'm not that close with anyways so I doubt anyone would like me stay at their place. I was thinking about looking for a job in another state and using the job as a reason to move out. I think getting another place in NYC would make it worse being still close to her. We have one joint checking account so I'm not sure how to save up money to move out. We don't have much with regards to assets I just want to get out and move on. I really need some help with ideas on how to get out. Not sure which steps to take in which order.
russt Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Well your situation is almost identical but yet 180 to mine, lol, make sense. I'm in a relationship for 15 years, and got married 4 years ago. We both work for airlines so lived in seperate states, our own houses, that's why it took so long to marry, sell houses, buy together, etc.... I have had a tremendous amount of stress, the last year in what's not working in this marriage, sex, companionship, fun activity, time together, laughter and such that I'm ready to have a stroke or a heart attack it feels like. We've done counseling, and we are both great people to each others needs and respect each other, but we don't have time for each other due to our jobs, but the point is, one of the big factors for you and I, is communication. I believe you have to reach a point where, you are tired of beating your fists against the wall, and no one hears it, sit her down, and talk to her. Be respectful, but firm, this is what 's bothering me, (you didn't mention what's bothering you), and tell her, that this has gotta change for this marriage to continue, from both parites, or if it's beyond that, tell her that as well. My thought is, you went into the marriage as I did, as friends, if it don't work, treat it like a house you've owned, and taken care of, clean it up and let some else buy it, so in the meantime, you guys will be friends in the end. A job transfer, okay, so what if she says, I want to go, and leave her, ugh well you can't honey, one way ticket for me only. You being digging a deeper hole to get out of. Start putting some of your money aside from your paychecks to get enough for a deposit on a aprtment, whether it's in NYC or another state, but just sit her down and tell her the situation. You haven't done anything wrong, so you have said anyway. And if she gets all bent out of shape, wanting to argue, bust stuff, throw it right back in her face, let me see if I got this right, I have been a pretty good husband, friend, havent' cheated, trying to be honest with you and you want to destroy me and my stuff????
Mauschen Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Why did you marry your wife? Also, why do you want out? You say it is not a bad relationship, but that you're just not happy? What would make you happy? It sounds like you don't really have any close family or friends. Why is that? I'm not suggesting that you stay and be miserable, but if you look at your life, there must be a reason why you're not happy. Running away to another state may not be the solution at all.
robf1971 Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I'm just not happy for many reasons. . Is there another woman involved?
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