popelp21 Posted April 11, 2004 Posted April 11, 2004 I've fallen in love with a MM. We have been having an affair for over 8 months now. It started as an emotional affair, but became sexual. He confides everything to me. We are co-workers. It all started when I confided in him about my husband's infidelity (soon to be ex). I knew that his wife had cheated on him and I let him in on this. We became very close. We discuss his money problems and family issues. There is nothing that he keeps from me. Although at times it hurts me, he has always been completely honest with me. I am now in the process of divorce. Although my husband had a sexual affair and another affair that was an emotional affair and possibly became sexual (i'll never know the truth), I still felt so guilty that I pushed him so far away that he eventually left. The problem is that I am moving forward with my life, but my MM has not been able to let go of the pain his wife has caused him and he is unable to let her go. She cheated on him probably 15 times or more. She has lied to him about several things. But, he still has been with her for about 18 years and can't let go. He has never confronted her about this. I am deeply in love with this man. He is a very honest person. Almost too honest, at times it hurts me. He says he loves me, but also loves his wife and hasn't been able to let her go. I guess what I am trying to figure out is since our situation is so complicated, do I give this man some more time? Do you feel there is any chance for us? Do you feel he will ever leave?
moimeme Posted April 11, 2004 Posted April 11, 2004 He is a very honest person Well, see, here's the thing. Somebody who cheats on his wife is, by definition, being dishonest. So much for that theory. Now that we know he's not honest about one thing, his credibility drops a fair bit. As for the rest, there are many, many stories just like yours on LS and in the world. Bottom line; he'll never leave. Cut your losses and dump him now and, from now on, understand that you can't develop that sort of 'friendship' without the risk of it spilling over to something more.
Author popelp21 Posted April 11, 2004 Author Posted April 11, 2004 He loved his wife very deeply, but she has lied about using drugs and has had at least 15 other men....you still think he would never leave her??? He would have never cheated on her. I really thought I was his "exit affair", but do you think it is possible that I am just a way for him to justifiy staying in his marriage....an eye for an eye??
Fancy Posted April 11, 2004 Posted April 11, 2004 That's certainly a possiblility, but it's really all a moot point. If he knows all about his wife's affairs and is still with her (even after being with you for 8 months), chances are he's going to stay with her. Married men rarely leave their wife for the OW. It's a fact. Here's something for you to ponder. You know for sure his wife has been with at least fifteen people during the marriage. This doesn't include how many before marriage. If your MM is having sex with you, despite what he tells you, there's a good chance he's had (or is having) multiple affairs. From where I sit, this puts you at a very, very high risk of contracting an STD. Even if you're using condoms, that doesn't mean diseases can't be transmitted. If I were you, I'd be a whole lot more worried about the likielihood of you getting a fatal disease. Your chances of that are a heck of a lot higher than your chances of ever having him for yourself. I also agree with Moimeme. This man isn't an honest as you say. If he were so honest he wouldn't be having an affair himself.
LRT Posted April 11, 2004 Posted April 11, 2004 Not all MM who cheat are lying mf'ers who do it everytime they get the chance.Does he have children with his wife?If so and she uses her time to do drugs and mess around chances are the kids are being negleted or at least not her first priority.That could be his reason for staying if there are children in the picture. Even if he did end his marriage given what he has gone through he will have alot of issues to work out.It may take him a long time to sort through all of it.
Author popelp21 Posted April 12, 2004 Author Posted April 12, 2004 LRT....thanks....he is so not a lying MF. He's really a wonderful man. He hasn't left her b/c he is so close to her family and has no proof. His family and her family are very close. He says that he doesn't know if he can just leave without any proof because if he did, it would just be him leaving because he wanted to leave. He's just a very loyal man. He promised the person who told him he'd never tell, so he won't tell her because he promised. That's just him. The only thing he has ever possibly lied to me about is whether or not he could spend time with me. Even after what she has done, he still feels extremly guily about our affair. He says he knows it's wrong and he doesn't feel guilty towards her, but just towards himself and what he says he brought me into. He wants to settle things with her before we try to continue things. He's said that a couple of times, but we can't seem to stay away from each other. We work about 20 feet away from each other in the same office. And it is not about sex because it is always me who inititates us being together and a lot of times he tells me he just can't. But he says he does love me....he says he is struggling with this and doesn't know what to do....
Recommended Posts