LoveHurts89 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I'm probably clutching at straws here, but I just want him back so badly. We had a petty row that led to it ending, on his terms, not mine. I bombarded him with text messages for weeks. The only thing he'd asked for was space, and I just couldn't give it to him. It'll be 11 weeks on Saturday since he left. We were due to move in together two weeks after the break up. I spoke about marriage and kids a lot which freaked him out. I just wish I'd have taken notice of this sooner! When we initally broke up, after a week, we started meeting up, days out etc. After one day out, he text saying thank you for a lovely day, if we work things out, which I think there is a good chance, we'll be so much better off. He hasn't been able to give me a reason as to why it's ended. Pretty much all of the way through, he's said he doesn't know what he wants so has to say no as he doesn't want to string me along. We've discussed things that'd make the relationship so much better, and he's agreed to these changes too. But, the texts. They were the problem! And he eventually asked for a week of space. Which I kinda gave to him. And after it, he got upset, crying to me saying I'm still his princess, his baby cakes etc. so doesn't know why he doesn't know what he wants. Anyway, I'd read in to everything. If he put two kisses on my message, I'd think he wanted me back etc. And so about two weeks ago, he said to me I have to be stern with you, I can't say anything nice because you read in to it too much, so I have to say it's over, you need to move on. He's on holiday right now so I'm giving him NC. Maybe it's too little too late as he wanted the space at the start, not 10 weeks down the line. Is there anything you can do to get them back? I miss him so much. There's no real reason behind the break up. We had a fantastic relationship. I think the commitment pressure just got too much for him. I just want him back. Our "problems" weren't problems that can't be worked through. Any advice?
nana841121 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Forgive my bluntness, but it sounds to me that you are his second choice. Obviously, He is not so into you, you are his second choice? Otherwise, his behavior was too volatile, which indicates immaturity.
homebrew Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Best Advice I can suggest is this: Accept the break up, let him go and move on with your life. This is the very best attitude and approach that YOU can have. It just so happens that this also puts you in the best position to meet someone new or to have a second chance with your Ex.
Author LoveHurts89 Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Homebrew - Thank you for the advice. I'm going to read those two threads in my lunch break. I'm not sure how to send private messages. I'll try to work it out, if not, would I be able to e-mail you? Thank you both for your input xx
Author LoveHurts89 Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Maybe I should mention that we were together for two and a half years, it wasn't some fling where I got too attached etc.
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Homebrew - Thank you for the advice. I'm going to read those two threads in my lunch break. I'm not sure how to send private messages. I'll try to work it out, if not, would I be able to e-mail you? Thank you both for your input xx You can't PM until you've been here a month and, more importantly, posted more than 100 times.
Author LoveHurts89 Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 You can't PM until you've been here a month and, more importantly, posted more than 100 times. Thank you Tara x
kaycstamper Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 He had a reason. You are controlling and your lack of discipline scares him off. Also you want different things and he doesn't want trapped into marriage/kids that he's not ready for. You need to back off and do NC...you may have already lost any chance with him because of how you've handled things. Do the right things because they're the right things to do instead of to get your way which is a form of manipulation. you have to learn to respect what other people want too.
Author LoveHurts89 Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Maybe I should have been clearer re: the marriage / kids discussion. Because he responded in the conversations, I just assumed that's what he wanted. We've spoken since the split and he's said he wants children without a doubt, as do I. He isn't sure whether he'd want to matey in the future. To me, marriage isn't the be all and end all. It wouldn't make me want to be in the relationship any less if he said marriage wasn't an option for the future. My mum and dad were married and my dad cheated. Marriage, to me, doesn't make a marriage solid. I only discussed these things because my friends had them. We've spoke since breaking about how I compared what we had to others and I've realised how silly that is. I respect him 100% and would never trap him with marriage and children. We discussed our future a lot and our aims and goals were the same. I'm sorry if my posts have suggested otherwise and caused confusion. Throughout the relationship, I never controlled or manipulated him. He is a strong person and wouldn't allow for that even if I would have attempted it.
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