conehead Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 (edited) I've been feeling really down lately since the incident over the weekend. I've been single for the past 20 months. Over these past 20 months, there was this one guy for sure who would have made a great bf (he was really kind, has a good career and is super cute!) and he wanted me to be his gf but because of trust issues I had with him, I rejected him. I was a mess about it for 2 months while he gone on and got a new girl within a month and they've been together for 14 months now. Then this one other guy who drove 2 hours to see me and planned an elaborate day for us....I later pushed him away because of the distance. I was a mess for weeks. I met this one guy -- we connected like magnets and it felt like 'fate' almost -- but when he tried to approach me again I grabbed my friend and walked across the room. It was one of those love at first sights thing for me....once in a lifetime thing...and I threw it away because he was a different race from me and my parents are very traditional and frown upon that. Again, a mess for weeks and still think about it every now and then. Then ofcourse over the weekend I talk to this guy over the phone and he's handsome, smart and so witty, has a great career, and we have this great connection with similar interests....and because I had this 'bad vibe' about him I cancelled. I mean it's been days since the weekend and here I am still sad and obsessing about him even though I was the one who rejected him! I feel like with every guy I've rejected it's been based on this 'bad vibe' I have...but now I'm starting to wonder where this bad vibe is really coming from. Everytime I tell myself 'ok this time I'm going to just go through with it and go on the date or get with the guy' but somehow deep in my mind I'm able to find what some call the tiniest or stupidiest excuses to either cancel or reject the guy. Sometimes I feel like my reasons for rejecting these guys are valid because after having had 3 relationships, I know what I want. But sometimes I wonder if I'm just throwing away all these great relationships and holding out for a guy that may never come. At this point I'm starting to get tired of being alone and single, but at the same time I don't want to waste my time and heart in a guy who is not right for me. Edited May 11, 2011 by conehead
Author conehead Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Help? xx xx xx xx xx xx xx xx xx xx xx
Mrlonelyone Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 How do you mean "traditional".. Are you East Indian by any chance?
BiscuitXOXO Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Everytime I tell myself 'ok this time I'm going to just go through with it and go on the date or get with the guy' but somehow deep in my mind I'm able to find what some call the tiniest or stupidiest excuses to either cancel or reject the guy. Sometimes I feel like my reasons for rejecting these guys are valid because after having had 3 relationships, I know what I want. But sometimes I wonder if I'm just throwing away all these great relationships and holding out for a guy that may never come. At this point I'm starting to get tired of being alone and single, but at the same time I don't want to waste my time and heart in a guy who is not right for me. I don't think you are being stupid. Having a bad vibe, no matter how small, does not bode well for a relationship. Sure, you can attempt to consciously overcome it, but unless it disappears, it will bother you every second you are with him. And it will just lead to confusion and heartache on both you and your SO's parts. So follow your gut instinct. If you sense something wrong, go with it. Don't force yourself to be in a relationship just for the sake of not being lonely. Maybe the perfect guy may never come. But personally, I feel that living with potential (single) is better than living with no hope (in an unhappy relationship).
Cee Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 It's hard to say whether you are commitment phobic or waiting for the right person. It might be a little of both. I wouldn't try to force yourself to date someone to be in a relationship. If the time and person are right, the dating process comes naturally and without drama. At least, that's what happened to me. Good luck and I'm sorry you are hurting right now.
Skump Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Jeez Louise OP, you sound like a first-grader - SERIOUSLY. I mean, grabbing your friend's hand and walking away? Harsh but true: You need to grow up. Successful relationships require fundamental compatibility, but beyond that, it's investment that makes relationships work. You get together with someone basically right for you and create a great partnership. All of this dithering around accomplishes nothing. Right now, your "Mr. Right" does not exist by definition, since you are psychologically incapable of forming healthy attachment. Not enough motivation for you? The reality is that you are a depreciating commodity. You need to wake up and start cultivating a mature approach to relationships before the challenge goes from "having the courage to explore a relationship with a great guy" to "resigning yourself to settling for whoever will have you." The latter is not a position any woman should want to be in. I swear to God, every director of romantic comedies should be crucified along the length of California.
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