Ajax Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I think I know the answer to this, but if you'll indulge me, this has been irking me lately. I've read about it countless times on LS, it's happened to my friends, and it's happened to me. They break up with us saying, "I just can't be in a relationship." Then of course they find themselves in a relationship before us, before those of us who could be in a relationship before they dumped us, but can't now because we're heartbroken over them. Why do people continue to use this bogus reason to dump someone when everyone knows it's BS? I didn't buy it when it was used on me, but on the off chance she was telling the truth, let it go. Maybe that's the reason, because if you call them out on it you become the insensitive bad guy. I dunno
bl22 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I think I know the answer to this, but if you'll indulge me, this has been irking me lately. I've read about it countless times on LS, it's happened to my friends, and it's happened to me. They break up with us saying, "I just can't be in a relationship." Then of course they find themselves in a relationship before us, before those of us who could be in a relationship before they dumped us, but can't now because we're heartbroken over them. Why do people continue to use this bogus reason to dump someone when everyone knows it's BS? I didn't buy it when it was used on me, but on the off chance she was telling the truth, let it go. Maybe that's the reason, because if you call them out on it you become the insensitive bad guy. I dunno The reason I believe... It makes them feel less guilty about breaking up with you. They are fooling themselves when they say that. My ex actually had the guts to tell me the real reason...did it hurt any less...hell no! It hurt way more. But I feel it was for the best she did, as I knew the truth. But I stil refused to blieve it and what I saw on her FB few weeks later was so heartbreaking. Maybe they do it to try and spare your feelings? I think its fair to say judging from my own situation, the stories on LS that I've read over the past 7 months...and also friends and relatives stories....most breakups usually involve someone else.
GreenPolicy Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 They don't always have a replacement lined up, but what it really means is that they can't be in a relationship with you anymore.
MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 The reason I believe... It makes them feel less guilty about breaking up with you. They are fooling themselves when they say that. My ex actually had the guts to tell me the real reason...did it hurt any less...hell no! It hurt way more. But I feel it was for the best she did, as I knew the truth. But I stil refused to blieve it and what I saw on her FB few weeks later was so heartbreaking. Maybe they do it to try and spare your feelings? I think its fair to say judging from my own situation, the stories on LS that I've read over the past 7 months...and also friends and relatives stories....most breakups usually involve someone else. Cause they cant be in a relationship with you they just leave the "with you" part out.... my ex said he is going to be single for at least a year but is considering dating....um wtf is that....
Author Ajax Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Thanks for your thoughts guys. I was thinking about this today and it seems really cowardly and disingenuous to me.
GreenPolicy Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 It's a commonly used breakup line. Can't read too much into it.
loverboy1984 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I got that line too plus these classic ones: -Its not you its me - I need some space -I need to figure things out - I need to work on myself -I think we are growing apart - I see you more of a friend (2 days before she said she wanted to marry me) These line dont mean anything.
skydiveaddict Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Why do people continue to use this bogus reason to dump someone when everyone knows it's BS? Because it's the best excuse "they" can come up with to relieve their guilt.
JasonRules Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 My ex said that to me the last day I saw her 2 months ago. I know its utter bullshvt. It's a cop out excuse with no meaning or value. I would have respected her a million times more had she said: "You know, I met someone else and I've developed feelings for them" instead of the "I just can't be in a relationship right now" which is nothing, but cowardly and disrespectful.
Strength of Heart Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I got this one a few times: "I want to be with you more than anything, but I'm too scared of a relationship right now" Classic.
nana841121 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 they are afraid of confrontation. Forgive them, they are just human.
love4me2c Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 (edited) I recently told my bf the same thing, which is I'm not ready to be in a relationship. I have issues I need to work on. The issues I have destroys relationships. But I'm not lying or deceiving. I have no guy waiting in the wings. I really want to focus on myself and getting addressing my issues so I can be successful in relationships - be it with him or someone else. I've never had a successful or healthy relationship ever. Do not always take these words as meaning they don't like you/love you. It really may be the truth. Trust me, if it is the truth, be glad that they do not want to take you down because of their issues. I actually think it is an act of love, if she is being truthful. Edited May 11, 2011 by love4me2c
radiodarcy Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 They don't always have a replacement lined up, but what it really means is that they can't be in a relationship with you anymore. agreed. my ex used this line on me then turned around two months later and let me know he was ready for a relationship - - with someone else. and started re-activating his online dating profiles. i (stupidly)stayed friends with him for a few weeks until i couldnt take the hypocrisy anymore. i told him i couldn't handle being in a friendship with someone who was actively looking to give someone else the relationship he refused to give me and went NC.
Author Ajax Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 I recently told my bf the same thing' date=' which is I'm not ready to be in a relationship. I have issues I need to work on. The issues I have destroys relationships. But I'm not lying or deceiving. I have no guy waiting in the wings. I really want to focus on myself and getting addressing my issues so I can be successful in relationships - be it with him or someone else. I've never had a successful or healthy relationship ever. Do not always take these words as meaning they don't like you/love you. It really may be the truth. Trust me, if it is the truth, be glad that they do not want to take you down because of their issues. I actually think it is an act of love, if she is being truthful.[/quote'] I understand that in some instances this may be a legitimate reason for breaking up. What bugs me though is when someone uses the line and either does have someone waiting in the wings, or finds themselves back in a relationship in a few weeks. Makes me wonder what they've done with themselves to solve their issues and are now capable of being in a relationship again so soon. And why, if it wasn't because of the ex, they don't go back to them. I got that line too plus these classic ones: -Its not you its me - I need some space -I need to figure things out - I need to work on myself -I think we are growing apart - I see you more of a friend (2 days before she said she wanted to marry me) These line dont mean anything. . It also seems to me that often times these lines are used shortly after someone takes the relationship to a new level, possibly even them. My ex used the "I need to find myself" and "I can't be in a relationship" lines while breaking up with me a week after telling me how much she loved me and wanted to plan a future together. I don't think she had her new boyfriend lined up, but she found herself in a relationship a few months later. I do know that he was a "friend" that she'd known before me. I just wonder sometimes what "changed" so that she could be in a relationship. At least for her enough time passed so that a change is at least plausible, but with others I read about and friends I have, most don't seem to to be that way.
Strength of Heart Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 My ex said that to me the last day I saw her 2 months ago. I know its utter bullshvt. It's a cop out excuse with no meaning or value. I would have respected her a million times more had she said: "You know, I met someone else and I've developed feelings for them" instead of the "I just can't be in a relationship right now" which is nothing, but cowardly and disrespectful. My ex waited a month and a half to tell me there was someone she had strong feelings for and on top of that she strung me along the whole time and even afterwards! This guy is a drug addict and has a Girlfriend.
heIIokitty Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 (edited) i think jasonrules nailed it. my ex told me that he "couldn't" be in a relationship right now b/c he said some B.S. about when he graduates from college (1 year from now), hes going to move out of town and move far away so thats why he "can't" be in a relationship with me (b/c we will be in a distant relationship) or anyone else. i laughed when he told me that. LOL, honestly, did he really think i will believe that crap? Edited May 11, 2011 by heIIokitty
JasonRules Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 My ex waited a month and a half to tell me there was someone she had strong feelings for and on top of that she strung me along the whole time and even afterwards! This guy is a drug addict and has a Girlfriend. It doesn't surprise me; experience has told me 9/10 times there is another guy waiting in the wings. Doesn't matter though; I know my value and worth and what I bring to the table as a boyfriend. Once the honeymoon is over with the new guy (not sure if there is one, just my gut feeling) her mind will be thinking about me once again, but as its happened in the past I probably won't give a damn by then anyway. Case in point; a friend of mine had met a girl. He had a great job, career, and life here. Pretty successful and highly educated. This girl seemed nice, but didn't really have much going for her. This guy treated her like a princess. He quit his job here and moved back to Europe to be with her. However, he needed to go to the army for 6 months as all males did to fulfill his military obligation. Everything was fine, but once he went in the army she started becoming more and more distant and eventually she stopped contacting him entirely. He called her a few times, but she never returned his calls. Fast forward 6 months and she calls him out of the blue: Her: "Hi <name>, I was wondering if you'd like to stop by my place so we can talk". Him: "You disappeard for 6 months. I didn't hear from you" Her: "I was going through a lot and needed time to work on things" Him: "Actually I don't believe you. I think you're lying" Her: "What do you mean?" Him: "Do you know what happened? You met another guy and he used you and then he probably dumped you to the curb, so now you've come running back to me because you've realized my worth" Her: "Stop it..." Him: "Did you or did you not date/were with another man during these past 6 months, yes or no?" Her: "That's a very personal matter and I will not answer that question" Him: "Thank you for proving my point. Do me a favor NEVER CALL ME AGAIN!" And he hung up on her...hats off to him for having a pair. By the way, while his ex was running around with a douchebag he actually met a very nice girl, they fell in love, and he's now married to her. Moral of the story; embrace change for you never know what good things are in store for you!
Author Ajax Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 I also personally enjoy the posts here on LS where someone's dumped on the grounds that they can't be in a relationship, and then a week later they find them on an online dating site. Classic!
GreenPolicy Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I recently told my bf the same thing, which is I'm not ready to be in a relationship. I have issues I need to work on. The issues I have destroys relationships. But I'm not lying or deceiving. I have no guy waiting in the wings. I really want to focus on myself and getting addressing my issues so I can be successful in relationships - be it with him or someone else. I've never had a successful or healthy relationship ever. Do not always take these words as meaning they don't like you/love you. It really may be the truth. Trust me, if it is the truth, be glad that they do not want to take you down because of their issues. I actually think it is an act of love, if she is being truthful. The end of my relationship confused the hell out of me. I got that line, among others. I told so many people my story. I remember about a month after the breakup I was having dinner with friends, really friends of friends, that I hadn't seen since before the breakup, and they inquired about my relationship and so I told them the story. My friend interpreted it the way you did in your last sentence, that she set me free as an act of love because she is self aware in regards to her issues, and believes that it destroys relationships.
MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 so just to be clear all thos elines you all have mentioned (which i heard as well) are all ways of saying "I dont want to be with you anymore"
heIIokitty Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I also personally enjoy the posts here on LS where someone's dumped on the grounds that they can't be in a relationship, and then a week later they find them on an online dating site. Classic! my ex said those lines and within days, he dated a friend of mine. WITHIN DAYS.
love4me2c Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Of course there are always people who lie and who are cowards, but not everyone is like that. You'll have to judge for yourself. In any event, she doesn't want to be with you right now and you should respect that.
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