JasonRules Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Lately it seems a lot of LS'ers have been posting threads in which they're considering texting their exes to try and see if they can have a second chance, get a reaction out of their ex etc. I know many of you are hurting and just want any kind of relief, but initiating contact when you are the dumpee is a mistake. Why? 1. Because if they ignore you completely you will be even more devastated and back to square 1. 2. And even if they do reply, it will probably be some generic/anemic reply and you will be crushed. Why? Because your expectations will not be met. He/She is not going to reply saying "I made a mistake. Let's get back together". If your ex was the one that initiated the breakup, you need to leave them alone. If you are meant to be together you will be. They will contact you if they miss you/realize that they made a mistake. Let them come to you; chasing them and texting them constantly especially when they have made it CLEAR through their ACTIONS that they are not interested in having a relationship with you, will only make them grow even more distant. You need to allow time and space to work its magic and if what you both felt was genuine then maybe at some point in the future you will hear from them again.
Strength of Heart Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Lately it seems a lot of LS'ers have been posting threads in which they're considering texting their exes to try and see if they can have a second chance, get a reaction out of their ex etc. I know many of you are hurting and just want any kind of relief, but initiating contact when you are the dumpee is a mistake. Why? 1. Because if they ignore you completely you will be even more devastated and back to square 1. 2. And even if they do reply, it will probably be some generic/anemic reply and you will be crushed. Why? Because your expectations will not be met. He/She is not going to reply saying "I made a mistake. Let's get back together". If your ex was the one that initiated the breakup, you need to leave them alone. If you are meant to be together you will be. They will contact you if they miss you/realize that they made a mistake. Let them come to you; chasing them and texting them constantly especially when they have made it CLEAR through their ACTIONS that they are not interested in having a relationship with you, will only make them grow even more distant. You need to allow time and space to work its magic and if what you both felt was genuine then maybe at some point in the future you will hear from them again. Take it from someone who's done this more times than I should have since my break up, it does NOT ever end well. Like Jason said, actions speak louder than words do. My ex has been stringing me along with her words for months now before I finally realized that her ACTIONS show how its just a bunch of bull****. Learn from any mistakes YOU made in your relationship and become a better person from them. Everyone makes mistakes and nobody is perfect in a relationship, we need to see break ups as an opportunity to grow as people rather than the end of the world (I know it feels that way at first). Your ex may eventually realize they made a mistake, but don't count on it, maintain NC and focus on your healing first and foremost.
jordkorn Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 It all depends though. I was the dumpee and started doing all kinds of things for the ex. Then she was asking about my new job I had. I asked her why she cared and she told me she cared just as friends. She cheated on me but I wanted her back. I lost it on the phone with her then she told me it could have worked she just needed time. So I guess if I gave her the time and space the outcome may have been different in my case. It still does not change the fact that she cheated on me on vacation though. I should be glad and just walk awway.
Author JasonRules Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 I used to do that in prior relationships, but I have learned the hard way that texting an ex especially when you have strong feelings for them IS A MISTAKE. It's better to just go totally MIA. Your ex does not know anything about your life and you do not know anything about their life. Keep focused on yourself. This time should only be about YOU and no one else.
Illiandra Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 i agree as a dumpee we should not text or intiate contact with them... well what if your the dumpee and the dumper texts you i hope ur doing well and im thinking about you alot.. is it a breadcrumb? i responded 2 days later lol...
loverboy1984 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 in my case I was strung along for a week not knowing if she wanted to break up or not as she went hot and cold on me and wanted a break ( I didnt know about NC then or else I would have done it) but when I made her decide she broke up with me and I blew up. I told her that shes out of my life and I told her I cant be friends or talk to her (in a loud angry tone) and then said bye and hung up. So I feel like she would be afraid to contact me because of that. She knows that hurt me and Im serious about what I say. I thought about sending a brief text in 2wks wishing her well on her board exam just so she can see that Im not holding a grudge or mad anymore....bad idea?
Author JasonRules Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 in my case I was strung along for a week not knowing if she wanted to break up or not as she went hot and cold on me and wanted a break ( I didnt know about NC then or else I would have done it) but when I made her decide she broke up with me and I blew up. I told her that shes out of my life and I told her I cant be friends or talk to her (in a loud angry tone) and then said bye and hung up. So I feel like she would be afraid to contact me because of that. She knows that hurt me and Im serious about what I say. I thought about sending a brief text in 2wks wishing her well on her board exam just so she can see that Im not holding a grudge or mad anymore....bad idea? Yes it is a bad idea. A man never reneges on his word. You said, "Don't contact me again". Show some spine and don't contact her again. If she loved you, she would be calling like a maniac or showing up at your doorstep with tears in her eyes, but she hasn't. Do you know why she was hot/cold? Because she probably was eyeing someone else, but she had a hard time ending it with you because you probably didn't do anything.
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