abbeylouwho Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 My friend's boyfriend does EVERYTHING for her. She'll be in the kitchen, he'll be in the living room and she'll whine for him to get her a drink and he'll go get her a drink. I swear it's like he's her slave not her boyfriend. I just want to shake some sense into him sometimes! I don't get it. In so many other situations with people you see a nice guy that has a super controlling gf and does whatever she wants. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for helping eachother out but it's completely one sided and stupid **** you can do yourself. Why do some guys deal with such ****?
guy777 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 It's this little thing called pussy. Since he's not confident he can line it up again quick if he doesn't do what she says, he is whipped. Problem is, in many, many cases, even though he's treating her like a queen. she'll lose respect for him eventually and kick him to the curb. Now it's to the point where if he grows a backbone, she's not used to him that way and will throw a fit if he tries using it.
carhill Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Beyond the power of the pussy there is the psychology of givers and takers. The world is made up of each, in varying degrees. Some people are natural givers and some are natural takers. Unhealthiness is when a taker and giver get together and the giver hasn't established healthy boundaries. I've been that person. if he grows a backbone, she's not used to him that way and will throw a fit if he tries using it. IME, in my M, it was at that point my exW moved to a divorce. That was the topic of our last MC session. She saw clearly that she didn't have me anymore, so had a decision to make, and she did. In retrospect, in the period prior, like you said, she lost respect and lined someone else up, so, when I began to assert boundaries, it was easy to move on.
alphamale Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Why do some guys deal with such ****? because most of them never had a good strong male role model who put women in their place
carhill Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 That's a good point but, also, a strong male role model who teaches the fine art of picking healthy women. I had the former, a real leader, but he never taught me how he picked the woman who would later become my mother. He's long dead, but I'd like to smack him for that oversight
guy777 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 carhill Interesting perspective on the giver/taker thing. I like what you wrote. On strong role models: some won't teach, some won't learn. And then times they are always a changing. Not saying a strong role model who tries to teach isn't a good thing. I just think that in the end we have to figure it out for ourselves, and not blame others. Now for those who have been wired to be overly "nice" since birth. That's a lot of conditioning to overcome when it comes to growing a backbone. Especially when going up against someone who wasn't wired that way.. . giver/taker.
sanskrit Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 There are actually a fairly significant % of the population who derive happiness from dom/sub behavior. Get the awesome 2002 movie "The Secretary" with Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader for a comical treatment.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I know a couple like this, and it grosses me out sometimes. The guy is SUCH a good boyfriend, and the woman is a princess bitch. He does anything she wants, and she talks to and treats him like ****. It pisses me off, because I have always been sweet and loving to men in the past, and they eventually take it for granted. But act like a raving bitch and his devotion never ends.
collegeguy_24 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 That's a good point but, also, a strong male role model who teaches the fine art of picking healthy women. I had the former, a real leader, but he never taught me how he picked the woman who would later become my mother. He's long dead, but I'd like to smack him for that oversight I never really had a strong male role model. My dad was in the military, so he was always gone on deployment or he was out training with his battalion. For most of my life it was me, mom, and my little brother. And when he was home, all he does was watch sports and the news. Since my mom was all I had, and she is very domineering I didn't have a strong male model. I was essentially taught to be the nice guy, to value relationships above all else. Not to mention I was homeschooled because of certain factors at the time, so my social interaction growing up was nill. Heck, I didn't even socialize till I went to college, and most of my attempts were failures. This has led to me being used, manipulated, treated like a doormat, and eventually cheated on by my first GF. My second one I was still allowing myself to be a bit of a doormat, always asking for her opinions and not making decisions. Now I've become cold and indifferent, and its alienating my current GF. I just can't seem to win!
Woggle Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Good guys more often than not have women that treat them like garbage.
RecordProducer Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 (edited) My friend's boyfriend does EVERYTHING for her. She'll be in the kitchen, he'll be in the living room and she'll whine for him to get her a drink and he'll go get her a drink. THAT IS ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE! While she is in the kitchen fixing him dinner and doing the dishes, the man should not be disturbed and begged to go get her a drink. The man should enjoy watching TV while waiting for her to serve him dinner. Geez... women these days don't get it that they're good for just three things in life: cooking/cleaning, delivering sons, and serving the men that chose them with sex. A bonus fourth thing is if she knows how to shut the F up (rarely occurs). Edited May 11, 2011 by RecordProducer
RecordProducer Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Good guys more often than not have women that treat them like garbage.Same goes for good women.
TheLoneSock Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 There are actually a fairly significant % of the population who derive happiness from dom/sub behavior. Get the awesome 2002 movie "The Secretary" with Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader for a comical treatment. This post led me to google "Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal". Had no idea they were twins. She's extremely attractive in the new batman movies
Woggle Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I must admit this was me in my first marriage. I would apologize for driving her to do drugs and for making her be abusive. She would sit on the couch all day while I worked and then I would come home to make us both dinner and if it was served to late I would apologize. It got to the point where I was pretty much apologizing for breathing yet it was still not enough for her. She still found fault with me and used it as an excuse to cheat and treat me like garbage. Never again. I would rather be dead than be a doormat like this.
Eeyore79 Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I prefer a masterful man; weakness and submissiveness is not sexy. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to be bullied or mistreated by a man - but I expect him to be strong and authoritative, and I'm not averse to receiving the occasional playful spanking or being picked up and carried to bed. The women the OP talks about may be in relationships with weak men, and a few of them may actually prefer that relationship dynamic, but the majority of them don't respect their men and won't stay in the relationship, or won't remain faithful. For most women, a pleasing relationship dynamic is one in which the man is protective and strong and caring, but still displays obvious dominance and sexual desire.
Cee Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 I think there's sometimes subtle power dynamics at play. My mom was the rageaholic harpy and my dad was the mouse. But under all that, she took care of him by running the household, paying all the bills, earning more money, and doing the child discipline. My dad was a wonderful man, but he was also a fearful man. When he got struck with cancer, he went into mega denial. Never made a will or said his goodbyes. My mom was quietly helping him as he deteriorated, set up hospice, and held his hand up until the day he died. He died at home with my mom who held vigil for 12 continuous hours. I guess what they say about sickness and health applies to my parents. In the end, they had what would be called a loving and successful marriage. There was love and care, but a whole lot of frustration and disappointment. I have inherited both my mom's and dad's qualities. I have an angry, controlling side and also a passive, helpless side. I'm trying to quash all that, but it's not easy. Healthy doesn't always feel right, but it does feel good. So I go with that.
sanskrit Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 She's extremely attractive in the new batman movies Yeah, she is definitely oozing sex appeal for me also, excellent actress as well, she hooked me in "The Secretary" and especially "Donnie Darko." So much great acting in Darko.
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