cas83 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 How do you simply just forget about the love of your life? I am deeply madly in love with a man I've dated for almost 4 years. We were engaged for 1 year. He is my first and only serious relationship. I've never ever felt love like this before (even though I have dated plenty) and never felt more n'sync with someone, more in love and more fulfilled in my life. I have always believed with my whole heart that he felt the same. He is older than me and has been in love before, but for some reason I always believed that our love was unique. He cheated on me one weekend while we were in a big fight (one night stand) and I ended the engagement and broke up with him 3 months ago. I felt so betrayed and so numb and so hurt and sooo many emotions that I went on a dating and partying spree for a month. In the meantime, I know he suffered trying to get a hold of me and it hurt me to see him hurt when I didnt return his calls because I love him so much. But I was trying to prove a point... I mean cheating is the ultimate betrayal I couldn't just take him back without him trully being sorry and really realising what he did and getting help and counselling etc before we would have another chance. I thought he would do all of those things. SO I patiently waited. WHen I got sick of the partying, my love for him set in again..this time 100 times deeper and I missed him like crazy. But I waited.. patiently...for him to do something amazing to help me forgive him. I wanted to make sure it would never happen again but I was still convinced he was the one. He tried to reconcile 2 weeks after the BU but didn't show me any kind of change or anything extraordianry...so I refused. Then about 6 weeks post BU he tried again and sent me this heart-felt love letter... I broke down.. I wanted to cave in so bad... but I told him it would take more than that and that I was still heartbroken. I told him I love him very much but I'm scared and uncertain and when I'm ready maybe we could talk in person....another 2 weeks pass and this time he is trying to be 'friends' and says he doesn't want to move on without me in his life and we've been trhough too much not to be friends! What?? Friends?? I was so hurt that he gave up that I refused to be his friend. A week later he got a new girlfriend. I found out from my brother who is good friends with his brother. They are together allllll the time and she has already met all of his friends and family (including his bro)!!! OMG what is happening? How can he move on this quickly?? She's not the same girl he cheated on me with. He met her at some work event just a few weeks after we broke up and still tried to work things out with me while getting to know her in the same time ...then all of a sudden he wants to be friends and starts dating her! I don't get it! I thought I was the love of his life! It thought he would keep trying and trying and prove to me that he made a mistake! This happened just a few months before our wedding! (thank god we didn't buy anything yet) Now I spend every day crying. It's been 3 months since the BU and a month and a half since they started dating and him and this girl are attached at the hip while I can't even stomach socializing with anyone. Shouldnt he be going through the same emptiness and withdrawal and depression that I'm experiencing? For some reason I still feel this strong connection to him and I don't want to accept that he even has anything remotely close with this girl but than why is he doing this?? AM I just a dillusional idiot? Did he not love me like I loved him? We had so much passion..I feel SOOOOOO lost without him and can't move forward. Please help. I don't know what to do or where to go for help! For a while I was doing ok but now I have hit rock bottom again and feel even worse than I did right after the BU. Is this normal? I have never been more heartbroken and I love him so so so so much! I'm getting worried because this is affecting every aspect of my life and I'm sinking into a deep depression.
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kourtney01 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Sounds like a keeper! This guy doesn't waste any time! I was in a similar situation. My opinion is that if this man is head over heels in love with you like you are with him... how could he possible start dating someone new like that? And why were you not worth the effort of him proving himself to you when he had the chance? I don't mean to hurt your feelings but it almost seems like he knew he screwed up and just moved on to the next girl...clean slate, no muss, no fuss. Completely heartless. Some questions you should be asking yourself: If he came crawling back... do you think you could forgive him after he #1 cheated #2 Didn't make an effort to make it up to you #3 Jumped into a new relationship so soon #4 Introduced new chick to the fam. How would you feel being apart of that fam after that? Or being around his friends? Or even being around him knowing that he shared all the special things ou cherish with someone else?
Mauschen Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I was married to a man who was a cheater. I wouldn't recommend it. The type of cheating your ex did - basically to soothe himself during a hard time - without regard to your feelings or your relationship - is a huge problem. And the fact that he is with someone new shows that he runs to others to feed his ego and to "heal" himself. The new girl is probably a rebound, but whatever it is, you deserve to be treated better. It is hard to move on, but it looks like you'll have to do just that. It takes a long time to "get over" a long-term relationship. But you will heal and you will be just fine.
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